Okay, can you help me?

Question

okay so where do i start... i bet we've all tried these internet dating thingys, and ive never believed that they would work. But about 8 months ago i met a guy and we were just good friends, and i helped him out though his troubles and we soon became best freinds, now about a month ago im having feelings for him and he said he had feelings for me too, and these feelings that i have are very strong (and i know hes not a perv or anything through webcam and photos etc) the problem i have is that if i ever wanted to meet up with this guy (we've talked about this to each other) i could never find a way because my parents are so strict... if they even found out that i was even dating across the net i would be dead. i know most of you probably think of this as being a silly lil thing over the net, but we generally really really like each other.... and i dont know what im meant to do

I'm 16 and he's 17, ill try the test to see if he will wait for me to do what i want....

Answer 1

This is a great question, because the future says that a situation like this will become very common with more and more people using this technology. Plus, it is hard to meet people in an age where pride and individuality is so important. Meeting people in real life that do the same thing you do, or play on a team you play on, etc. is fine for when you engage in that activity. But then, it's over and you part ways. With the internet, it seems like that particular 'other person' is avaliable all the time, and has no restrictions on what he or she can say. There is nothing held back, and it seems like you "see" that person for what he or she really is. That kind of thing is easy to fall in love with - the best picture that someone else can paint of themselves.
Of course, the fears of that "virtual reality" are present, and that is that this person is NOT who they say they are - a completely justifiable concern. I have a buddy online that likes to joke that he tells people he owns 200,000 sheep on the hillsides of New Zealand, and his family is worth millions.... only because no one can prove him otherwise. The point is that anyone can say anything, and for any reason.
However, your situation might be very true, and it could end up that you and this person never leave each other's side for the next 70 years. But that is only a speculation.
The reality right now, is that you are not in control of your life, being a child under the care of your parents. I am glad that you respect their wishes, and honor their intentions for you.
I have a suggestion: Sit down with your parents and tell them that you met this person online. When you sit down to tell them, bring with you come printouts of conversations you've had that have shown you that this person is who you might think he is. Get your parents on your side about this, and don't oppose them. Also, have a plan in mind that requires thier approval of possibly meeting this person. If you have to travel, have a time and place already established, so that they are not inconvenienced because they will be with you every second. Have travel prices, avaliable hotels, etc... whatever is needed if this is what you want to do.
Then, meet in a public place, bring your photo albums, etc., and insist that he also has his parents/guardians with him.
I've been very lengthy about this for 2 reasons. One, I know what online dating might become, and the potential/need for it. And two, there is no minimum of saftey that you should be doing. EVERY precaution is necessary. One one hand, you might not like him at all in real life, and you stop interacting all together. On the other hand, you meet someone that, if you stay the way you are, you might marry one day and live happily ever after.
Good luck!

Answer 2

First of all, you sound like you're too young to be involved in such heady activities. You don't mention what kind of age difference there is, or what kind of distance separates you.
You do mention your parents are strict, and you'd be dead if they ever found out what you were doing over the Internet.
I know this sounds like lecturing, which I'm sure you don't want to hear: but either stop all of your activities of confess to your parents what's been going on.
OK, I'm an old guy, but how can you be "dating" across the net?
Doesn't "dating" involve going to a movie, grabbing a burger, or taking in a high school football game?
If it's sex you're searching for, I can only offer advice based on my own experience: it's worth waiting for! If this guy really cares for you - and you care for him - you'll both be together when you're old enough and mature enough to make these kinds of decisions on your own. If you're not, it wasn't meant to be anyway. Instant gratification isn't always what it's cracked up to be. I wish I could impress upon you how important it is to be open and honest with your parents. Maybe they would be little more lenient if there was more trust between the three of you. Be safe. Be cautious. Be smart. Be truthful. -RKO-

Answer 3

This is what you do.. If he's local in your area this is even easier.. Meet him if you feel the situation is safe.. meet up in a public area, maybe a gathering ask him to bring a friend and you'll bring your friend. Do this in the daytime!! See i met mine on the net too.. when i was 17 and we been together for almost 7 years now.. but if everything is cool keep seeing him, tell your parents that you met him at the mall, etc. If he's in another state.. then your just going to have to keep him as an internet buddy.. call him your internet boyfriend and leave it at that.. Go out and meet a real boy in your area.. he's not the only one out there. plus im sure he's tight with some other female in his area..

Answer 4

How old are you, seriously, don't even think about it unless you're 18, and even then DONT DO IT.
This guy could tell you anything you want to hear, and pretend not to be a perve, predetors know how to charm and seduce impressionable minds, and I'm sorry to say that he may have done the same thing to you.
I dont mean to insult you, but honesty is the best policy, and im giving it to you right now. DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

Of course if you don't want to heed the above advice, at least be sensible, take someone else with you, or at least let someone know where you are going, make sure it is a public place, in the day time! Just to be safe. And be careful.

Andy Out.

Answer 5

I am going to tell you a story I seen on T.V. It was 20/20 or the news something like that. After the story you can make your own choice. I personally do not recomend you meet this guy without your parents approval.

There was this lady who was dating online. She had her date come to her house. (first mistake) She thought he was real nice and he never said anything out of line. When he got to her house he attacked her and tried to rape her. She must have thought this could possibly happen because she had a gun under her couch and luckly she was able to protect herself.

I don't agree meeting this guy mainly because your parents will be upset if they find out. If something bad happens to you they will blame themselves for not being good parents.

If you do decide to this you must let someone know where you going to meet this guy.(Public place.) What time you will be there and what time you will be back. You call this person as soon as your home. You don't go for a ride this guy. You should take a friend with you and someone should have a cell phone. (Just incase)

Now if you do this and it ends up good and you guys want to start hanging out. Will you be hiding this behind your parents back. Sooner or later you will get caught.

I would tell you to talk to your parents and have them go with you but I already know that you don't want to do that. (you stated they are strict and would be mad if they new you were talking to this guy online.)

My advice don't do it but if your going to do it please be safe.

Answer 6

Ok ia have a question first.... how old are you and how old is he. No I don't think meeting people over the net is silly as long as you are safe and smart about it. And so far it sounds as if you are trying to be just that. Judging by the fact that you need parental permissionmeans you areunder age. if he is above age,hoepefully its abovean legal age and youre' not 12 and he's 42... :) anyways, if you are like 17 and he's 18 let him come to you.... if he really likes you he may... depending on his situation of course, but if he can come to you and you share the cost, maybe he can stay at a hotel or something like that.... he may be willing to if hereally likes you

Answer 7

Are you people insane telling this girl to follow her heart and meet him. She's not even an adult if she needs her parents permission. Are you all fools!!!

First of you can't tell if he is a pervert by his pictures. What does a perve look like? Let's get real... a murder, rapist, or kidnapper doesn't have to have scraggly hair and tattoos. He can look just as normal as you and me. ask yourself some questions...Why a meeting 8 months later? how can you really like someone or be attracted to someone you never met? Why would your parents be against it? Why is he a secret? What were his problems that needed fixing? Why can't he talk to anyone in life about his problems?

Just think about, don't jump into a situtation that you may not be able to get out of.

Answer 8

First of all you sound very young. Especially to be considering the annoyance your parents would have with this predicament. Second, internet dating is very VERY dangerous. There are many sexual predators out there that are looking for young girls that will fall into this very trap. Third, if you insist on meeting this guy in person (which it sounds to be the case) you have to realize that there is safety in numbers. Get together with a friend, don't meet him alone, and meet him in a busy place like a mall. This way you are shopping in the mall with your friend but you are also meeting this potential guy in a safe environment with backup.

Answer 9

It sounds like you are pretty young. You have all the opportunity in the world to meet guys that live near you that you know better than some guy you met on the internet. It is scary how many messed up people are out there preying on vulnerable kids. I would seriously not try to meet someone for a relationship on the internet. It is not worth risking your life over.

Answer 10

That depends on how old you are, sweetie. I wouldn't meet another guy in person that I met online again in a million years. Most of the one's that I have met have turned in to complete wierdo's!!!!!!!! But, honestly, if you're not old enough to get away from your parents every now and then (movies, mall, ect.) maybe you should just be computer friends with this guy. Because the next argument will be this "my parents won't let me date my bf because I'm too young".