She still seems to love me, but is afraid of starting doing it again. Is it normal? How much time should pass before she feels she can do it again?
2006-08-10 08:17:00 · 21 answers · asked by Michael R 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Two months is really not that much time. She may be scared of getting pregnant again that soon. She may just be TIRED FROM TAKING CARE OF A NEWBORN!!! You just need to help her around the house and be patient as much as possible. Oh and " she still seems to love me, but is afraid of starting doing it again"????? Her fear of having sex has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much she loves you!!!
2006-08-10 08:23:36 · answer #1 · answered by startwinkle05 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you love her you'd give the lady a break...birth is a traumatic event, albiet a wonderful life changing one.
She may fear getting preggers again so soon and that is a frightening thought for a lot of new mothers so soon after giving birth...especially if it was her first delivery.
She is also busy bonding with your new "little person." So suffice to say she is doing her job...
That said...it would be nice of YOU to get her some help during this time... take them out for lunch or dinner, give her a couple of free hours and let her go and get her hair done while you push the vacuum cleaner around the house or prepare her dinner, and baby's the formula for the next day... if she's not nursing,
If it's not in you to do any of the above (ugh...God help her) then at least stop complaining about what you are being denied (sex) and get a grip because you are coming off as one selfish, self centered, whinny, unsensitive pain in the buttocks husband/daddy and I pray there are not any more out there like you. She's normal, I'm not so sure about you though. Show some patience and understanding... it's the most important thing and new father needs to know.
Congradulations!
2006-08-10 15:55:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
COMPLETELY NORMAL. I know it's hard, patience is a virtue and good things come to those who wait. Understand that she is barely adjusting to a brand new life, new sleeping (or lack thereof), it's a sometimes overwhelming thing bringing in a new life that is COMPLETELY dependent on you. AND besides her understandable exhaustion, from the birth and now lack of sleep, her hormones are still getting back to normal. The hormones themselves could drop her libido (sex drive) that is very normal. Just give her some time, don't pressure her, because as we all know, women are emotional creatures and if we don't feel love we don't give the love, know what I mean? So just be patient and try to be understanding and maybe even try to take up some slack for her, if you can't feed the baby (cuz she's breastfeeding) then burp or change the baby. Do a load of laundry for her, make dinner something like that. If men would try just a little of that, they would be getting a LOT MORE in that department (in a marriage I mean). Well CONGRATS! on the new little one, and God Bless.
2006-08-10 15:26:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is more than normal. Your wife will only have just started to feel a little more comfortable after the birth and what did to her body.
Make sure you take your share of helping out with your baby. Give her lots of time to take a relaxing shower or bathe. Massage her feet. Make a big fuss of her and things will get back to normal naturally. Stop being selfish - if you're that desperate go and shut yourself in the bathroom for 5 mins!
2006-08-10 15:23:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because she is EXHAUSTED! Becoming a new mom is an experience that is indescribable. You worry constantly that you aren't doing everything right while trying to do everything right. It is the most prestigious and tiring job in the world! Allow her some time to adjust....and be supportive. Give her another month or so, and that should be plenty of time. If is because she is afraid of getting pregnant again, there are many methods of birth control. Aside from that, there should be no reason to be afraid....she'll come around!
2006-08-10 15:24:46 · answer #5 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is normal! If she is breastfeeding, those hormones can lessen her sex drive! For me I was afraid b/c I wasn't sure if it was going to be the same, that it may hurt(I had an episeotomy, and very dry b/c of breastfeeding) also I was kinda worried that it wouldn't be the same for my husband b/c it wasn't as tight down there) I'm sure she will come around! You should talk to her about what her fears are, that might make her feel better! She also may not feel sexy, if she has stretch marks or weights more than she use to! So Tell her she is sexy and beautiful!!
2006-08-10 15:28:35 · answer #6 · answered by R R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are three things you need to consider when you're trying to understand your wife's present condition:
1 - The physical strain placed on her during labor and delivery. Two months may not be enough for her to feel that it's safe for her to start having sexual relations. You may want to suggest starting up again gradually, with something other than full-on intercourse; but before you do, keep the next two things in mind.
2 - The physical and emotional fatigue from caring for a newborn can drain all the life out of a woman. Babies take a lot of attention, and require it RIGHT NOW. They also wake in the middle of the night (since they can sleep during the day), and it's exhausting to try to keep up with them.
3 - Something that isn't well known: Caring for a baby requires constant physical contact -- picking them up, feeding them, changing them, carrying them from room to room, everything -- because babies can't move, stand, or get dressed by themselves. One thing my wife noticed when we had our newborns was that she got to the point where if one more human being TOUCHED her, she felt as if she was going to scream. Clearly, no intimacy of ANY kind is going to happen if she can't stand to be touched.
So, how can you deal with these issues? Let's address #1 last, at least in part because #2 and #3 have a similar solution:
Help her out with the baby. If she's breastfeeding, consider having her express milk so that you can take a 2 AM feeding now and then; if you're using formula, learn to prepare a bottle, to test it for temperature, and take over a midnight shift now and then.
Volunteer to get out of bed when the baby cries. I've been told that the sexiest thing a man can do is get out of bed at 2 AM to go comfort a crying child. :-) And besides, it's kinda nice to sit and snuggle with a newborn. But the key is, you're taking some of the work from her, which gives her a chance to rest; you're taking away some of the incessant human contact, which gives her a chance to recuperate; and you're being sweet to her, which is the best aphrodisiac in the world.
Now, as for #1, there are legitimate physical concerns about resuming sex after labor & delivery. She may be physically recovered after 2 months; she may not. But in my experience (and we have three kids, so clearly something happened eventually :-), a new mom is a lot more likely to try out sex if she's had some sleep, isn't frustrated from constant physical contact, and thinks sweet thoughts about the man who is helping her take care of their new baby.
And, you might suggest something other than full-on, vigorous sex the first few times. Be ready to stop if she suddenly develops discomfort (and here again, your demonstrated willingness to help with the baby will make it more likely that she will switch to an alternative activity rather than simply telling you to lock yourself in the bathroom). The key is patience and understanding, plus a demonstrated willingness to take some of the load from her.
2006-08-10 15:49:54 · answer #7 · answered by Scott F 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she is normal and is ok for her to be scared and not want to do it. y don't u try romancing her and just take her out somewhere without expecting sex, then later on bring on a conversation about your sexual desire remind her that u will where condoms to protect from having another child. (that may be her biggest fear)
2006-08-10 15:49:38 · answer #8 · answered by omylily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
youre supposed to wait 6 to 8 weeks after giving birth to have sex again... geez... ease up on her a little brother!
2006-08-10 15:22:42 · answer #9 · answered by cynthetiq 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not what you want to hear........
it took me four years to regain sexual inhibition.
Babies drain a person.
It's not that there's no love,,,just no energy for it.
Relax.
Most important, don't make her feel bad about not "doing it."
Let her know that you love her and have a little patience.
It will pay off.
Peace, joy, love.
2006-08-10 15:28:03 · answer #10 · answered by elibw 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋