What do you do if someone you love gets cancer and will refuse medical treatment?

Question

My boyfriend told me he would decline medical treatment if he had cancer because he doesn't believe in doctors. He told me that if it was God's will, God would save him... if not then obviously he is suppose to die. He thinks medical treatment for cancer is no guarantee, and I know that, but I believe it does increase your chance of survival ALONG with faith. How can my boyfriend say that he will just let God help him and eat right? What if God created chemotherapy and radiation for the purpose of treating cancer and possibly prolonging life?

Answer 1

While I understand where he's coming from, you should tell him that if God didn't want us to develop treatments for cancer, he wouldn't of given us chemotherapy and other treatments. I would tell him that he should seek medical attention first, and if the doctors say they can't do anything, then that's when he should ask God if he's to live or die.

Kind of reminds me of that church a few years ago that would let their members get bitten by poisonous snakes, because in the Bible Jesus said that those who believe will not be harmed by snake poison. And then in the book of Acts, Paul was bitten by a snake while lighting a fire. The natives interpreted it as him being an evil person, and that if the sea didn't kill him, the snake would. But nothing happened to Paul.

The moral of this story is that you can trust in God, but you should also trust in the things God has given us, such as healthcare. It was once said that if God intended for man to fly, he would've given us wings. Yet planes have played a crucial role in our life and society as a whole. And you shouldn't "test" God like that (keep in mind that Paul didn't deliberately provoke the snake into biting him, while those church people who got bit did do it on purpose, which is testing God).

Try telling him that all these advances in medical science and what not aren't defying God, rather, God is giving us this stuff slowly, so that we can better understand life and the universe, and how wonderful His creation is. I personally like to see how the universe works, and with these advances, the more I know about it, the more amazed I am at God. Here we are, just a small speck in the universe, yet we're important enough to God that He's given us this planet which is chock full of life (while every other planet doesn't have any).

If your boyfriend refuses the treatment, then he's probably being selfish and maybe God wants him to live, but only if he'll get the treatment that was provided to us through the research and hard work that God allowed scientists and doctors to do. I dont' wan tot get much more complex than that, but see if he can see it that way. Maybe God has something for him in mind, and your boyfriend needs to see that he could do more for God alive than he could dead (which the cancer will most certainly do).

If, after taking the medical treatments, it doesn't seem to help, and the doctors doom him to die, then that's when you should ask for God to intervene and help, so that through your boyfriend he can show the works and miracles of God. And if God destined him to die then, at least his last few months won't have gone to waste.

In other words, I don't think God would've given us all the technology we have today if He didn't intend for us to use it (kind of like the people in Genesis that tried to build a large tower to reach the heavens, and God didn't want that to happen at that time). I'm sure that in the future we'll "develop" technology that will allow us to travel to distant stars reliably (which will probably be God giving us that information slowly over time). And then maybe we can marvel more at the universe God created, and give Him the praise for allowing us to do that stuff.

Answer 2

There are certain types of cancer for which treatment might actually do more harm than good. Certain types of brain tumors are almost untreatable, and chemotherapy and radiation can CAUSE death or horrible pain for the patient, and only have a slim chance of success. It it not worth it to many people to go through with horrible and painful treatments which may actually kill them rather than heal them, when the chance of healing without these treatment does not differ so much from their chance of survival with the treatment.

Western medicine, especially in these cases, is not the end all be all. I think our society is biased to believe there is something fundamentally wrong with you if you deny medical treatment, like that poor boy with his second bout of Hodgskin's disease who is maybe being forced by the courts to undergo chemotherapy a second time when there is such little chance that it will work and he does not want it... and his parents support his decision to refuse treatment.

I think that people should be forced to become informed, but in order to undergo medical treatment you have to give your informed consent, and if you are informed, but do no consent to treatment, then that is the patient's choice. Some cancers will just kill you barring a miracle... medical science isn't perfect to cure all types of cancer, and even if it increases the chances of survival overall, each individual is different, and if the strong apprehension of treatment exists, then it may be less successful for that person than it would for a person who was enthusiastic and believed in the treatment.

Just be supportive, and make sure your boyfriend is fully informed on ALL of the different aspects of his condition and treatments, and then respect his ultimate decision as being right for him.

It sounds stressful and I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Good luck.

Answer 3

Ma'am:

I think you are really reaching for something that may never happen and if it does it is a ways down the road. Your boyfriend doesn't have cancer, so at this point, he is only "talking the talk". The question is, should he get cancer, will he "walk the walk"? There are countless situations in a human's life where decisions must be made. Many of those decisions can be carefully planned out in advance only to have that plan discarded immediately upon the onset of reality.

Would you shoot an intruder? A question contemplated by many but realized by few. This is only one of the type of questions I am referring to. Whether or not to treat cancer is another one.

In 30 years if he gets cancer will he just roll over and die or will he fight to see his daughter walk down the isle at her wedding or will he hang around to see his first grandchild graduate kindergarten, or middle school, or, or, or, or etc... And in 30 years who is to say that cancer (all cancers) won't be curable with a single injection possessing absolutely no side effects. Oh yeah, if you were having a baby would you direct the doctor to save the baby, knowing full well it would cost you your life. Women have and will do so again. I saw a story just recently where a woman refused an abortion, and cancer treatment when the diagnosis came after she conceived. Her position was, "my baby is priority one".

So my suggestion: Spend your time cuddling, not worrying about what your boyfriend will do if and when he gets cancer.

BTW, by his rational, if I take a gun and shoot myself, it is also God's will that I die. Bet he won't buy that even if he’s dead tired and only wants to sleep.

A joke for the occasion:

Man sitting on top of his roof with flood waters lapping all around.
A man in a boat pulls up to the house and yells at the fellow on the roof, "hey, come on, get in the boat".
The victim replies, "thanks but I will wait, I have faith God will save me".
Next a college student paddles up in a large kayak, "come on man, I can carry you out of harms way".
The victim replies, "thanks but I will wait, I have faith God will save me".
Finally a police helicopter sees him and the loudspeaker comes to life, "we'll drop you a line and get you to safety".
Again the victim replies, "thanks but I will wait, I have faith God will save me".
Finally the flood water overwhelms the man and he drowns. When he arrives in heaven and is standing before God, he asks, "why did you let me drown, I have total faith in you"?
God replies, "what do you want from me, I sent a boat a kayak, and a helicopter".

As you were saying, what if God sent the chemo just for him???

Answer 4

its easy for me to say this, being a nurse, but when thinking about health decisions, it is important to respect a person's choices, regardless of what your opinions are about the decision. of course, you would want to see your boyfriend live and have a healthy, happy life...which many people with cancer can attain. but on the other hand, he may not feel like it's worth it to go through all of the difficult treatment, physical pain, emotional trouble, and other difficulties that are associated with cancer. if he believes that God will take care of him, then you should respect his belief. provide him education that you may find about chemo or radiation therapy, but then leave it in his hands. as long as your boyfriend is mentally sound and is not confused, demented, or otherwise missing any of his thought processes, he is allowed to make his own decisions about his health.

Answer 5

Your boyfriend is speaking out of inexperience. Does he think this makes him sound like more of a man? I think he probably has never had a life threatening illness or any major illness in his life.
I have been a nurse for a long time, and when you get in pain and start suffering, you change your mind about what a physician is good for. I never seen anyone with terminal cancer eat something which makes there pain go away.
Your boyfriend is speaking out of inexperience and just basic ignorance.

Answer 6

Advise him to get medical treatment. The Christian god seems to be quite lax in whether poeple die or live. Gods do not meddle in our affiars, hence the falls of many old popular religions. Convince him the only way he will get better will be through medical treatment. Hope this helps you and good luck!

Answer 7

What if he feels that the side-effects of chemotherapy and radiation aren't worth the benefits? You can't control him. That's selfish. It's his life, not yours, and his beliefs are his own. Personally, I would prefer to keel over than go through all the stuff they put cancer patients through. I don't want to be that miserable for that long. He probably doens't, either.

Answer 8

Let him believe what he believes. You have to accept that you cant change that. Either accept it and although u disagree, show him u support him. And besides its something that he says he wont do but u never truly know what decision u would make if your life is on the line. So its a pointless argument cuz he says that now...but u never know.

Answer 9

God helps those who help themselves. If he's not willing to help himself, why would God waste HIS time? Your boyfriend is using God as a crutch/excuse.

My wife's got an uncle who has said the same thing more than once about smoking crack cocaine. (If God wants me to stop, then I will, I don't need rehab).

When a mother tells her boy to go mow the lawn, should the boy tell her that if God wants it mowed, it'll get mowed?

It sounds rediculous when written like that doesn't it?

Answer 10

its a long shot but you might try a guardianship proceeding in the courts sometimes theyve been used to overcome objections to blood transfusions for example