How many children???

Question

Do you want to have?

Was the question.....fun to see what different peoples preferences were. Then I came to this answer that kind of made me sick.

"if it's with the man i love -- i'll bear whatever amount of children he wants to have."

What is with that???? Shouldn't a marriage or relationship be about making decisions together?? If some guy wanted this woman to have 10 kids she would be all gunhoe JUST BECAUSE ITS WHAT HE WANTS. I can see if they came to that decision as a couple but just because thats how many children he wants you to bear?

What do you all think about this statement?

In no way am I saying the man should have no say in how many children a couple has but when it comes down to it....if a man wants children and his wife/significant other doesn't it is her body who has to carry this baby and give birth. It is her decision.

Answer 1

Eh... If he takes care of the kids, cooks, cleans, and works, he can have as many as he wants... ALSO: he must carry them for 9 months. I'll watchtv. hehe

Answer 2

When two people realize that they have a lot in common, like each other's company, have similar beliefs...they realize that they are meant for each other. Fall in deeper love, and get married. For most people who have a relationship before they get married, family beliefs come into play also.

So, if a man says he doesn't want children - but a woman wants many...then somewhere along the line they realize that they aren't a match. And vice versa. If they get married anyways, then it's just for the sake of getting married, and these kinds of marriages lead to divorce - quite quickly.

So, if a woman knows these things beforehand, then she should know what's in store. Some families want no children. Some want a few. Some want lots. One can have their own ideas, but then things change along the line. For instance, I always thought that maybe 4 kids was perfect, but along the ways I realized that 4 wasn't enough for me - and am now pregnant with my 6th & 7th. And it's not only my man's decision of whether or not we should have any more, it's both of our decisions. Whether or not we can afford it. It has nothing to do with the fact that I am the one who gives birth. If one says enough, and the other one says no - then no matter what, it's a joint decision.

Answer 3

Hopefully women have progressed further than that!! and I'm a big believer that Mom should be the primary care-giver...BUT
There are so many issues involved in how many children a family should have...like how much money/resources,or time for the children is availible.
And, there are health issues for the mother-how does pregnancy affect her? how does she feel before and after birth?
And these days- the mother's mental health is so important--if she feels overwhelmed or depressed, having more children is downright scary.
It should be a mutual decision, but the Mom needs to have the absolute vote & power in this area!!

Answer 4

While I completely agree with your assessment of that 'strange' answer I have to point out that there is a flip side to that answer.

If it is with the man I love... so what she is saying is she is willing to have children with people with whom she is not in love; but the former is the most ideal situation? There is a lot going on with this person and I don't think the answer does justice. Besides her word choice of "bear" is rather interesting. It is as if children are something to tolerate, that she is passive in the decision and raising of the children. whew!

Boy does that person need some help/
You must really have been shocked to read that.

thanks for sharing

Answer 5

i want 2 of course if for some reason i have 3 or 4 that is ok too. but i think 2 is a great number......and i think it is up to both parents to come to a compromise on how many kids they'd like to have. yes it's the woman's body but the man is an equal partner in a marriage and there is always room for compromise.

Answer 6

Some women still have a very old fashioned way of looking at the marriage relationship. I don't agree with it.

I have 2 sons. I love them very much, and they are the light of my life, but I don't want any more, and I will not have any more!! If my husband decided that he wanted another child, then I would tell him that he would have to get pregnant and have it himself...along with the rest of the responsibilities that go along with it! I'm done!

Answer 7

I want two (currently pregnant with the second) and my husband wants more. He is out of hi smind and I have told him her needs to leave me alone about the subject after thsi because I am haivng 2 babies in 2 years. So I think it is a couples decision. And if he wants mor ewell then - they shoudl have discussed before marriage.

Answer 8

Whatever it may be, children, dogs, cups, cars, anything...should be a joint decision for your husband and you. JOINT. Never a one-sided thing, unless you feel that you really don't care, or if it is THAT important to the other person. However, if you will be doing all the raising, cleaning, feeding, all that, it should be your final say. And if your spouse doesn't see it that way, he either shouldn't be your spouse, or a therapist is needed. :)

Answer 9

You're right ... it is her decision. And if she is indifferent about the topic, it's her decision to let her significant other decide. People believe differently about how relationships should run and fortunately for all of us, there is no right or wrong answers. We just try to find a mate that matches our perspectives.

Answer 10

Well, I used to say that I'd have as many as we could afford. But now we have one and we can hardly afford her! lol We don't want to have anymore than one. We are happy with the choice we have made. I get upset when people make a big deal out of us not wanting to have anymore children other than our daughter. They say things like she needs someone to play with, and your still young you need to have more children. We are happy with our little family, and this way can have the lifestyle we want. Our choice.

Answer 11

I take complete care of my daughter , always have. If I want more children , it is my decision , not his. I know people that have had children just because their husbands wanted them. It just depends on the situation.