What would you do?, adopted?, and abusive parents?

Question

I have a problem with people who adopt children. Why?!? Well, after seeing the effects of my husbands' mother and father on him, I don't know if I trust the adoption system. Being adopted, then his parents, had their own blood child, and the favortism is so obvious. His parents have been cruel and ruthless to him. He is the best father, provider, husband, and man I have ever met in the entirety of my life. Everything we do is centered around our family and our children. His parents treat him like dirt, talk down to him, threaten him with disinheritance, talk down to our children and call them names. We have pretty much decided to stay away.
When we married, we didn't even get a card. When his sister married they gave her land, and helped her buy a house.
My husband joined the Military for 8 years, paid his own education.
His sisters education, living expenses, spending money for 6 years paid for totally by his parents.The list goes on. I would do anything for my husband and family

Answer 1

Your husband had a very unfortunate experience but it, by all means, does not represent the majority of families with adopted children. My brother and I are both adopted and have the most wonderful, supportive and caring parents. Both our respective birthparents were totally unable to care for us and thankfully put us in the willing arms of a mother who wanted and loved us. Most people who adopt do it out of love and the want to raise a child. You oddly enough forget about the multitudes of children who are abused by their own birthparents. Your husband's parents are obviously cruel and disrespectful people but I promise you their actions do not speak for the majority of adoptive parents. I am proud of your husband for making a life through his adversity and I'm sorry his parents did not give him the love he deserves. You also need to put into consideration what his life would have been like if he had been kept by his birthparents. Your husband got a bad hand but he has made the most of it and that's what counts. You both need to seperate yourselves and your children from his parents and move on. Focus on your happiness and your children's happiness. That is what is most important. For a bonus, why don't you volunteer at a home for foster children just to help those that were in your husband's situation. You might get a chance to see the good that comes out of adoption. I promise you there are many more smiles than frowns. Please reconsider your position on adoption. Best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 2

So, what exactly is your question?

And what do you propose for the half a million children currently needing a family, in this country alone?

Your husband's family sounds crappy, but that is no reason to hate all adoptions. Plus adoption ahs changed a lot since then-- the adoptive parents have to take classes and such.

The family clearly has problems anyhow. You can't blame it on adoption.

Answer 3

You can't judge the whole system by your husbands bad experience, I know of some adopted children who only had a life because of good god-fearing parents who couldn't have children of their own.Some people just get past the system better then others,but in the end they, too will have to answer for all that they have done.Sounds like your husband was extremly lucky to turn out so well in spite of his parents.

Answer 4

Sounds like your husband turned out to be a good person. And its because of what he went threw that made him such a good man. But now that he is old enough and he already does everything for his family and hiself he should seperate from them completely. You and the children is his family now. They are not doing anything for him. Not love wise nor help wise. Why keep putting hiself threw the mysery. Mysery loves company I wouldn't give them the satisfaction. My sistution was the opposite. My real mom gave me up and my first cousin raised me from 2 till i was 17. Never adopted me. I moved out she got three more kids and adopted them. She shows more favortisim to them than she did to me and my sister. But they still show me that they love me and I think they love my daughter more than me. But thats okay she deserves all the she can get. I hope things work out for your husband and your family.

Answer 5

Same thing happened to my Mother, after her Father re-married. Her Father re-married specifically to have a Son, and everything went to the Son and his sons, all attention, gifts, and inheritance. Mother loved her father instinctively, and did everything to make him proud of her----but, she also realized she would have to move away from this "step" family and make her own life, did extremely well, and was a great, loving Mother. Cherish the positives of your husband's life and your own family---you cannot control other people, especially relatives.

Answer 6

i admire your question. you're making an excellent factor. i don't see something incorrect with gay adoption; what...do they think of we can't provide as a lot like to little ones as heterosexual mum and dad will?

Answer 7

gosh , this story is so sad , I am so sorry .. Some people are just cruel and dont care like that , but hopefully your husband will have learned by their mistakes, as it sounds he has..You just be sure and reassure him as much as you can that his family sucks and he is a much better person then they are giving him credit for...GOOD LUCK TO YOU GUYS !!!

Answer 8

not all people are that mean to adopted kids, it al depends on the person, sometimes you can really help a person by adopting them, alot of my friends are adopted and their parents love them to death. it just all depends on the person

Answer 9

They've already made it pretty clear. My stepmother was the same way with me regarding her daughter, my father did nothing, I no longer speak to them and truly it doesn't matter. I have no regrets, they made it clear to me.

Answer 10

stay away from them, he doesnt need anymore crap from them, who cares if he doesnt get in their will, i would just be glad to be away from them