I was dating a guy for a couple of years he was a big pot head on and off then i joined the army and went to korea when i came back him and i slept together and i got pregnant i found out while i was away his drug problem got worse. his current drug choice was heroin you name the drug he has done it. any way i have a happy healthy beautiful baby girl now. and at first i gave him a chance to see her. he claims that he is clean now bla bla. In the mist of all of this i found an awesome man and we are engaged he has done soo much for her and considers her to be his daughter. i stopped letting her biological father see her. im still in the service and i cant go on leave very often to see family. He gets outraged when i tell him we not coming back. the situation is more and more volatile every time we talk. is it right for me to keep her from her? I want to do whats right for her. please help
2006-08-10 06:16:23 · 20 answers · asked by Pixie Dust 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
honey you have to do what is best for your daughter just because he made a little bundle of joy with you doesnt mean that he is fit to be a father...Father is a person that raises the child not the one that makes a child...so just do what is best for your daughter you wouldnt want your daughter to see that her father is a druggy...keeping her away is the best thing for her maybe not for him but if he really wanted to be clean and make sure that he is there for her then actions speak louder than words
2006-08-10 06:23:39 · answer #1 · answered by barbie c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2006-08-13 05:44:57 · answer #2 · answered by traffic to website, earn money, 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2006-08-12 05:39:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to consider your child first.You obviously don't believe he has quit drugs. IF he hasn't, he shouldn't be around your daughter. You don't say how long he has been off drugs(supposedly).I'm not sure what the laws are where you are, but it may be not your decision to make in the end. If he pursues it in court and can prove he is trying to clean up his act I think he has a chance to see her.You never know what the future will bring. The man you see as 'awesome' right now may show another side of himself in years to come so I wouldn't burn all my bridges.He may be 'perfect', but they usually do show flaws in time. I really do wish you all the luck in the world. You need to look at your situation more closely before making any permanent moves
2006-08-10 13:43:33 · answer #4 · answered by Nancy M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must protect your child first and foremost. I think a biological father should have a relationship with the child but not at the expense of the child's safety. If it is unsafe for your child then you have made the right choice. IF at some later date he chooses to straighten out his life for an extended period of time (2 yrs or more) then you may want to reconsider. Other then a long term PROVEN drastic change I would leave the choice to your daughter once she is an adult.
2006-08-10 13:24:52 · answer #5 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Morally speaking, he is her father. No matter how hard you try to keep her away from him, sooner or later she will look for him and he will catch up with you.
Rather than making her hate him, tell your daughter as she grows up, what is really happening. She will understand and appreciate your honesty.
In the meantime, try to do it the legal way. Isn't there a law that prohibits a drug user from being a near a child?
Keep your options open and a levelled head.
2006-08-10 13:25:10 · answer #6 · answered by stardustalpha2010 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to travel the legal route. Get a lawyer, and get one now. He could beat you to the punch, and sue you for visitation, get it, then there would be NOTHING you could do. He could still get visitation now, but once his drug problems come to light, then you have a chance of getting supervised visitation.
NO, you can't cut him out of the child's life. YOU PICKED HIM TO SLEEP WITH, so you knew that there was a chance you could get pregnant. No sense rehashing that now. He is the father, whether you like it or not. Let the child form his or her own opinion of him, don't impose your opinion on the child. That is not fair.
most importantly...get a lawyer. do it right, and do it legally. that is your best bet. that way, if this guy does something stupid, then you will have the law on your side.
2006-08-10 13:31:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he have a relationship with her? Does she feel connected to him? If yes, then it's not fair to completely cut him off, but I wouldn't let him go anywhere with her by himself. It is very likely he is still doing drugs or will go back to doing drugs. But--when you say things are "volatile" and he is outraged--if he is likely to be a potential danger for your daughter, keep him away.
If he really doesn't have a relationship with her, it's probably better for her to build the relationship with you and your fiance and for you to move away and have your own in-tact family if at all possible.
I have a friend who has been in and out of drug rehab for years. I tried to get him to stay out of his baby girl's life because she had a "dad" who loved her and he had no relationship with her. He kept pushing forward for his "legal" rights. Meanwhile he keeps going back to drugs. Ten years later she does have a relationship with her "biological" dad who is in and out of rehab and jail and she doesn't have that safe "normal" family life that she could have had with her mom and her mom's husband. There's always this other, messed up "dad" waiting in the wings.
2006-08-10 13:28:47 · answer #8 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be a loser but that is his daughter and she does have other family that wants to know her. If hes on drugs, then no way. He has the option of cleaning up or losing his daughter for good.
It would be easier for you and actually easier for her if he was out of the picture, but one day when shes older she may resent you for making that choice for her. Maybe theres a way you guys can find a way to resolve it peacefully, with him getting limited time with her... I do think they should know each other, unless its such a drastic situation that it could be harmful for her.
2006-08-10 13:33:52 · answer #9 · answered by ironica7 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear... I don't know what is "right" in legal terms in this situation. However, I want to help you and I suggest that you keep on asking other sources. Please keep in mind that your daughter's safety should always be your number one priority and if you believe her biological father is not in the state of safely communicating with her... do anything to avoid him! Meanwhile, you may want to take a look at the following forum I have came across.
2006-08-10 13:26:13 · answer #10 · answered by swtxgoodbai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋