Adopting kids?

Question

I am pretty sure I can't have kids the "traditional way", so I am looking at adopting a kid in the next 5-10 years.
I am white skinned, as is my husband. My friend says that she knew some adopted Korean kids who had a major complex of being adopted because their parents were white, and they were reminded all the time that they were adopted, and were confused and felt out of place.
What do you think? Should white adopt white to advoid the issue of a complex, or is there a way to teach your adopted kid that just because they are a different color than their parents, it bears no effect on their role as a member of the family.

Answer 1

I would personally prefer to adopt white but with today's legal climate I would probably adopt an Asian or Latino child. The law still allows the birth mother to change her mind for up to 12 months. A friend of mine was adopting a girl from within the US that the mother had given up. After raising her for 11 months she and her husband went to the courthouse to sign the final adoption papers and the birth mother had changed her mind. They were ordered by the court to immediately go home and get the child. They never saw her again. I warn you against something like this. I personally couldn't handle it if something like that happened to me. It would destroy me. I don't want to be a downer but I think this is a valid concern that not everyone knows about. I wouldn't wish that kind of heartache on my worse enemy.
If you adopt from China or another foreign country, the chances of the baby getting taken away are almost nonexistent. Good Luck. I hope all goes well for you.

Answer 2

I'm an adoptive parent, and I have to tell you, the first sentence of your post bothers me. I hope you're not saying that if you could have had children the "traditional way", you would have never considered adoption. That kind of belief is an excellent way to make an adopted child feel like a second class citizen.

As far as your race is concerned, my feeling is that, every year, more and more children end up in the foster care system. These children need to be adopted by people who will let them know they are loved and cared for - period. In 1991, the year I adopted my daughter, there were 1,000 children available for adoption, in just ONE COUNTY! 63 were placed. The numbers are just staggering!

As for the "reminded all the time that they adopted" issue, I think that is just cruel. I adopted my daughter when she had just turned two years old. Over the years, I chose to just mention positive things about her birth mother, and talk about her birth siblings (my daughter was the fourth of seven children. All seven ended up in foster care.) I shared her adoption announcements and shower gifts and notes from well wishers with her. I also bought her books about adoption and let her know I'm always there to listen to her. So, she has ended up feeling that being adopted can be a pretty cool thing. I never address her as my adopted daughter, she's just my daughter.

Just as with having children by birth, when you adopt a child you're really stepping into unknown territory. You can't know how your child will come to feel about different issues. There are children adopted by other-raced parents who are fine with it. Other adopted children may be quite bothered by it. It depends on alot of factors; the comfort level of the adopted parents, where you live (you know some areas of the country are more accepting than others when it comes to race), the quality of the parent-child relationship, and other factors.

I think the most important thing is just to love your child and be the best parent you know how to be. With that as a foundation, everything will work out. I tell anyone who will listen that adopting my daughter is the best thing I ever did. The very best thing. I wish you well with your adoption plans.

Answer 3

The kids that are out there to be adopted for various reasons, needs a good home. To me, it shouldn't matter what color they are, they need a good home, someone that will love them as though they belong to them and raise them as such. When the children get old enough to know there is a difference in them and their adopted parents, then the adopted parents need to let that child know that they picked them as their child to give them all the love and care that is possible. When it comes time to let them know what happened to their real parents, depending on what happened, tell them with care!!! Do not down their parents for any reason at all.

Answer 4

If you live in a diverse area, studies show that transracial adoption is usually just fine, the kids end up with positive self-images. But if they have absolutely no one around that looks like them (no family friends, no neighbors, etc) then the negative feelings are more likely to develop.

But many people adopt transracially with no problems, other than the typical questions regarding adoption that are normal.

Answer 5

i think that a child that is adoped by a different race than there on are gonna fell out of place expecially if they attend public schools, every race has its own society and bringing a child of a different color could confuse that child but im sure they can have a semi normal child hood and adopting is always a great thing to do. thank you and everyone who adoptes for giving a child a better life

Answer 6

My wife and I have considered adopting.
The way we look at it is that there are plenty of kids right here in the USA that need families. I have nothing against adopting a different race, but if you want to avoid any possible issues with them not fitting in, then I would consider adpoting in the same race.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

No no NO no No no NO
STOP HUMAN TRAFFICKING

OK, these third world countries need help. The men from Western civilizations go there to have sex with 8 year old children (boys and girls) ... then the girls get pregnant early, and sell their children into sexual slavery.

You may think that you're saving a child from what we Westerners call "Obscene" and "Abhorred Life Styles" ... but you are in fact perpetuating this robbery of "HUMAN TRAFFICKING".

The citizens of the third world see where money arrives from. Sure the men wanting sex with children boost tourism, and 'Human Trafficking'. Selling children to families who can't have them pays the government officials, agencies, boosts tourism, 1000 percent more. Cost to have sex with a "Lady Boy" (boy child of 12 years old dressed like a girl) is about $5.00 USD ... cost to adopt a baby boy from these countries is $10,000 - $50,000 ... depending on your savvy.

So, yeah, women of the third world countries are being rapped by Western men and then rapped by Western women who steel their children (in many cases, children are kidnaped 4 sale).

Answer 9

i think that if the child was brought up that way with a complex than it would be hard to change that unless u fix it by telling them were all the same and loving that child and giving and showing that its okay and there are alot like that out there

Answer 10

i think u should adopt who u want and if they happen to be different skin colors then teach them that color isnt important and that u love just the same as if they were ur own blood.