HELP ME!! I really need your help right away.?

Question

I am currently seeing someone who I THINK is very special. The problem is he is needing to work on his physical appearance. To me, it puts a slight damper on your new relationship. For starters, I feel he need to work on his smile (has a tooth in front that is slightly discolored, however breath is not offensive even though he is a smoker,but he's trying to quit) and secondly, he needs a nice hair cut. He is a mechanic so I understand men don't spend a lot of time grooming when they're bent over a car all day. Thirdly, he needs to loose weight. I can handle the weight problem, but I really don't know how to bring up his teeth and hair concern without hurting his feelings, especially since I'm just getting to know him. Help!!! what do I do because I don't want to loose his friendship. I think he's very nice and may be very offended if I say something like what I've just expressed. All advice considered. Thank you.

Answer 1

Let me see if I get this straight. You are just getting to know him, you think he's nice, yet you are already trying to change him to suit your idea of what looks good? The absolute quickest turnoff for me is when a girl who I barely know wants to start changing who I am.

Think about this...how would you feel if he came to you and said, I'd like to pursue this relationship, but first you need to fix your makeup, dye your hair a different color, lose some weight, and work on your boobs?

Maybe he could stand to improve himself, but that's not the real issue. Once he changes his teeth, and haircut, what next? Will you will want to change how he dresses, the kind of car he drives, the place he lives, who his friends are...?

Now, having said all that, the haircut thing would not be a big deal with me, and likely won't be with him. He's probably going to agree that he can use one. If you encourage him to do exercise related things with you to lose weight, he might even look at that as a turn on. But the problem I keep coming back to is that you want to change him already. He's not a doll that you play with, change hair, clothes, etc. and he's not a horse where you inspect his teeth, etc. to see if he's a good one or not.

Try to have some consideration for this guy...He's a work-a-day guy who gets dirty for a living, and perhaps he could change some things about himself, but is it your place to tell him? I say no, at least not in this early stage of the relationship.

Once you are comfortable together, you could try subtly indroducing the idea of a new hairstyle, etc. down the line. Maybe buy him a gift card for the stylist as a gift or something. But for now, if you want to pursue this relationship, accept who he is.

Answer 2

If you really think he has all these "physical" setbacks then you are probably not attracted to him and then you should just keep your relationship as friends and as a good friend make the time you spend together healthy activities. Pack a healthy lunch and Invite him to go to the park and walk the trails. As far as the hair maybe you could go out one day and say hey lets go get a haircut together. Try to make your attempts at changing his appearance things to do together and less like a personal attack and he will take it better. As far as him having a slighly discolored tooth......are you being just a little picky here or what. To be in a relationship with someone you have to like them for who they are...not who you think you can make them into.

Answer 3

Get you both a membership to the gym-that way he might feel it is just something you decided would be fun to do with him.
The tooth thing is hard. Leave it alone until you are more connected with him and on a more personal basis.
For his birthday or a holiday (make a holiday up if you have to-like you two's "special" day and he will think you are being sentimental) get him a gift card or certificate to get his hair done at a nice place you know wont mess up his hair.
He will think all these things are just kindness from you heart and in a way it is and in a way it is helping you too.

Answer 4

"...someone who I THINK is very special. The problem is..."
The problem is you. Why do want to change him. And if you do, then you don't belong with him and cut it off before it goes far enough to really hurt him. If just these little things "put a damper" on things, how shallow can you be?
If you are intent on this course, the only thing acceptable would be to suggest a haircut. "I saw this haircut in a magazine that I thought would look really cute on you. Would you like to try it out? My treat"

Answer 5

i think whatever you say might hurt him.so you might wanna say like,"im getting my teeth bleached/cleaned,want me to get you scheduled too?" would be a better way to go.its not rude,but its a little hint.also mention the hair like,"how long has it been since you had a haircut?i need to get my haircut,wanna come?" and for the weight,when you go to the gym,ask him to come along.dont be like "come on fata**!" be nice but honest at the same time.good luck.im glad you are actually giving him a try for his persoanltiy!most girls wouldnt.

Answer 6

Yes he could be offended and I don't think you should say anything. You will have to accept him the way he is or move on.

Answer 7

what do you like about him if he is so special why do you want to change every thing about him ? he is fat, his teeth are a mess,his hair is a mess, he smokes, go find someone else who can live up to you high standard

Answer 8

Move on---1st rule---u can NEVER EVER change a guy even if u think you can......if you don't like him the way he is---you have 2 choices....accept him the way he is and SHUT YOUR MOUTH or move on...that is it---

U CAN NEVER CHANGE A GUY---they are who and what they are...accept or move on

Answer 9

hahaha I would first put it in a jokingly manner, then he'll probably ask.. are you serious? and you can tell him then. haha good luck! humour is the best thing.