Starting to lose it with my kids?

Question

I'm a single mother to a 8 year old and a 4 year old. They never stop fighting, talking back and just being all around crazy. I need a break from them and I've got no family to help me. What should I do?

Answer 1

I can relate sort of. My husband is an over the road truck driver and I don't have family around here and we have 5 blessings. But when I get stressed to the max here is what I do.

I put in a movie of my choise but for the kids...like some disney one or blues clues but i pick...it keeps the arguing down. I retreat to my room and collect myself. I know that my kids rely on me and I need to be there for them. I know that I can't loose my cool in front of them. I will put them to bed early and relax on the computer. Sometimes, I will take them to the park and let them run and have fun. I get a few minutes of me time and they have fun and get some energy out. Also, sometimes if I play with them they forget about arguing. I will put on some music and dance about. They will forget about arguring and start dancing. I sometimes make dinner or cookies together. I find that if I put myself fully into the family that they seem happier. However there is nothing wrong with putting them in the room or seperate them and hiding in your room just to cool off. Watch a show and relax for a bit. Tell them mommy needs a bit to herself.

Answer 2

You've taken a huge and positive first step just by deciding that you want things to get better. Here are some practical suggestions:

* Join a parenting support group. These are usually free and almost always offer day care. You'll meet other parents with whom you can vent, laugh, and share ideas.

* Swap child care with another parent you trust. For example, you might take all the kids on Saturday mornings, and she might take all the kids on Sunday mornings. You need some time for yourself.

* Try to schedule a little time alone with each child, as well. Hang out with the four-year-old while the eight-year-old is at school; enroll the four-year-old in a class at the Y and then take the eight-year-old out for ice cream.

* Make a conscious decision to change the tone of your family, a little at a time. Start by choosing one priority: for example, no fighting between the siblings. Use an online guide or a book (Siblings Without Rivalry is a good one) and try to use just ONE of its tips for a week. Don't expect perfection -- but don't let that stop you from trying.

* Call a family meeting. Tell your kids how proud you are of them and how much you love them -- and also share your concerns about the fighting and talking back. Ask them what they think would help them get along better; write down everybody's ideas; and have everybody sign the new "contract." Hang it up where everybody can see it. Again, don't expect perfection -- but when you need to, remind your kids that you're all trying to get along better.

Answer 3

Oh, I feel for you. When my kids do the fighting thing it drives me up a wall.
One thing you might try, when they are not fighting and everyone is in a good mood you might have a family meeting about the situation. You could sit them down and say "look, you two have been fighting a lot lately and I need it to stop. Can you think of any solutions?" Throwing it back in their laps makes them a part of the solution.
Another thing, you might consider joining either a church or support group. Someplace that has gatherings for the adults and babysitting, and doesn't cost anything. It would give you some time apart from your kids and some adult interaction. Furthermore, could you arrange a couple of play dates for your kids? Maybe if they spend more time apart they won't fight as much.

Answer 4

I completely understand. I have 4 kids- 9, 7 and 4 yr old twins. People need to realize it is not that easy getting a baby sitter. There is no money for a babysitter-not one spare dime! We have been cooped up all summer long not able to go anywhere except to church on Sundays. There are no neighbor kids to play with. My husband works and we only have one vehicle. We have no family to help us. The only break I get is an occasional trip to Wal=Mart by myself to buy groceries. My husband and I have not been out by ourselves in years. People please don't be judgmental and don't suggest to spank the kids because then they see that they should solve their problems by yelling and hitting each other. So all I can suggest is this : Every night and every morning say a little payer. I ask God to help me be a better person and a better Mom than I was yesterday. Help be be the person and Mother you want me to be. Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 5

In addition to the other comments, why not sign them up for any and all extracurricular activities you can afford. Karate or tae kwon do lessens teach kids discipline, so do many sports if there is a good coach. If you can drop either of them off for an hour and only deal with the other, that could help. Also, the alone time with Mom for the other child could prove beneficial. You can have one-on-one conversations that can help them calm down and communicate better. Hang in there!

Answer 6

Don't allow them to talk back to you. If you think it is bad now wait until they are teens! Parents need to have some kind of control over their kids. They are also old enough to be doing chores. Get your 8 year-old to help with vacuuming, sweeping picking up their own room. The 4 year-old can be picking up their own toys, and clothes, so that will teach them responsibility and help you out around the house.

Answer 7

Find something for them to do to keep them busy. Give them chores and make a game out of it. Set a timer and the first one done gets to pick one of the shows to watch on tv that evening. Or maybe the winner can pick what you are having for supper that night.
When my children used to fight I would take prevliges away from them, like they would have to go to bed 1 hour earlier. They would have to help clean the bathroom which they hated. You get the idea. Needless to say the fighting soon stopped when they found out they had a penalty to pay.

Answer 8

Churches, Jewish Community Centers, and some secular community groups have childcare options that they can provide for free or low cost to mothers in need. These are great resources, and most do not require you to actually be of their religion to take part. You might also consider starting a single-moms group in your neighborhood that switch off childcare duties. The difference between 2 and 4 kids isn't too big, and it allows each mom to have some time all to herself when she needs it most.

Answer 9

Is there a Parents as Teachers program in your area? They would be a resource for both away-time and help with parenting skills to help you modify your children's behavior. Call your local school district office, or even a local newspaper office for contact information.

Do you attend a church? Many churches offer programs like "mother's morning out," so you can have some free time. You might not even have to be a member of the church to take advantage of the program. Call your area church offices.

Does your community have a public library? They offer story time activities for children, which would give you some time away.

Your child protective services office may also have some resources to offer you.

Ask your neighbors for other available resources. Mainly, realize that you are not alone; your community offers various forms of help if you look for it. It sounds like you desperately need to re-establish yourself as the one in charge in your household.

Answer 10

I know it might sound bad, but use the TV as a short getaway.

Sit them down, in different rooms if you have to, with shows that they like to watch that are not violent or anything like that. It will give you a half hour or hour that they are occuied and leaving you alone so you can calm down.

You may also just try taking them to the park. When my kids are thoroughly annoying me I let them run it out outside, then they aren't so jittery and looking for something to do.

I remember that when I was young we mostly fought out of boredom, so try to keep them occupied.