Why do i have such strong feelings of anger towards my Father?

Question

He very rarely asks me what ive been up to or how ive been.
If we do talk on the phone he will tell me everything that he has been doing to the smallest detail. The only way he he finds out what is going on in my life is if i tell him cause he will never ask or from what ive told my mom. He is also quite pessimistic and often trys to give me solutions to my problems even though he has very little idea of what im looking to achieve or what direction im heading for. This has been going on for many years. My other sibblings have similar problems. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

You have those feelings because he sounds like he's selfish. You probably feel like he doesn't really care about you, about how & what you're doing with your life.

Just know this, you cannot change him - you just have to accept him and go on. You don't have to like it, but you DO have to accept that's the way things are going to be.

Take care, Marilyn

Answer 2

This sounds very similar to what I went through with my Dad (now deceased). He was unable to express his feelings (although I knew he loved me) and was VERY controlling. Many times, he would comment on something going on in my life and tell me what HE would do when I thought what I was doing was just fine. When he retired, I told him I was glad we'd have more time to know each other. He didn't say anything because he really didn't know how to respond. It called for his feelings to be "out there." I harbored resentment and hurt almost until he died four years ago. I wish I had a good answer for you, but I don't. Just know you're not the only one(s) dealing with this. My best advice is that you accept the situation and let it be just what it is. For whatever reason, your father is just not capable of this level of intimacy. In addition to being your loss, it's also his.

Answer 3

You and your siblings need to get together and all talk to your dad at the same time about these issues. It might not change his behavior, but would give you all a chance to tell your side. Aside from that, let it go. You can't spend your time worrying about this. If your mother cares and listens, let that be enough. Don't let your dad's approval or whatever color what you do. If you let it, then he still controls your life. You can do what I call the "obligatory minimum" by still making your phone calls to him, but don't go into detail about anything and don't let him go into detail about his stuff. Keep it short, sweet and polite. That way your conscience is clear and maybe he'll get the message and wise-up. But if not, please don't dwell on it. If it can't be fixed, let it go.Life is too short and too complicated as it is to let anyone else have a negative affect on your life, even parents.

Answer 4

I practically have the same problems with my dad, but we dont even talk unless he calls and wants to talk to my brother. He would just ask how am i doing and that is it. I really dont care cause i have found out that he has been speaking very negatively about me and right now i really am not concentrating on him. Just let God deal with the situation.

I wrote my dad a letter telling him how i felt towards him and we talked and then it went right back to the same way. So all i could say is talk to him and maybe he could open up to you more.

Answer 5

Men, in general, feel they contribute best when they solve problems, whereas women often seek validation through feeling heard, i.e. it's good enough to discuss a problem, we don't expect solutions all the time. Perhaps your dad is trying to help you the best he knows how, although he does indeed sound a bit self-centered if he doesn't ask you questions about your life. Perhaps you can ask him why he doesn't seem interested in your life, and tell him what it would mean to you if he asked some questions.

Answer 6

Well I think you answered your quesition of WHY you have these feelings of anger...so now, you just have to figure out what you can do about it.

Have you talked to him? Maybe he honestly does not realize how he's making you feel. He is human too- with human errors. That doesn't excuse his behavior. Try sitting him down and explaining that you love him, but it hurts you when he (and then list...)

Unless you face this issue- you won't be able to get past it. It will not resolve itself. It will only build up and one day, you may say or do something you don't mean.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to him, then maybe you could talk to a counselor.

Good luck, and I hope your situation gets better!

Answer 7

if he is there in your life, and has been and is at least a caring parent that has provided for you, done his best to look after you, watched your plays, sports matches, attended your life's performances (in any shape or form a parent does) and has gnerally been good to you... then you need to talk to him and be open.

It sound slike you are not being honest with him and don't know how to communicate with the man in a way that makes him see the error that is causing you anger and anguish.

Maybe your dad is not the best in the world, but at least he tries. I can't say I'm the best parent in the world, but if my son tells me that I don't listen to him... or ask him anything, I take a step back and realise that he too needs to be asked ho his day was... but in general I get what you mean as I and my wife always ask our kids how their day has been when ´we haven't seen them all day.

Yep, you gotta explain to him whats going and get it sorted.. best advice I can give bud,.... but be open and explain yourself... don't feel guilty for expressing your true thoughts and feelings... this was something I always taught my kids... and I practice...leads to a much more stable and happy life :D

Answer 8

You have engaged in negatives thoughts about your father because he is selfish. Negative thoughts result in feelings of anger. Thoughts are things. We create our future by what we think all day long. Change your way of thinking to positive thoughts about your father, in spite of his selfishness. Say this to yourself several times each day.

"I radiate thoughts of love and peace towards my father even though he doesn't seem to be interested in me. I love my father very much and these thoughts of love and peace will result in a new relationship with him whereby he will realize my feelings and begin to see me in a new light. I know this love and peace will ease my anger and I will begin to accept his personality that I cannot change. God is guiding me now and wonders are happening in my life."

Try this for a couple weeks and you will better accept him and his ways. Love always works. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Dad's are just different that doesn;'t mean he doesn't love you men just have a hard time Relating because men in general are FIXERS us girls like to have a vent sounding board to just talk about our problems but when men hear our problems they like to try to fix it . Star a conversation with him about how it was for him in his time at your age what he did for fun and how he decided his career path,how he fell in love with your Mother talk to him about your goals.Men get funny especially Dads about forming relationships with their adult child, afterall their and your roles change as you grow older,tell him you love him and give him a hug, no Father will turn their cheek to that...

Answer 10

he probably does want to get to know you better but he might not know the best way to ask. or maybe he's preoccupied with somehthing at that moment. you should talk to him in the morning or over a weekend when he's not stressed and tell him that you want to have a good relationship with him and that you want to spend time together when he can.