when i found out i was pregnant i told the father and gave him the choice of being there or not, he chose not to be there, my son is now 3 months old he has'nt rang or tryed to see his son.
i did'nt put him on the birth certificate so he is'nt paying child support. should i try to make him see his son? and should i put him on the birth certificate? and claim child support please help
2006-08-10 04:03:06 · 37 answers · asked by karen 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I think you should have him on the birth cert. Just for honesty. My parents made the same choices for me when I was born. and my biological father has never had to calim any responsibility to me. I was raised by a great man who was my step father who came into my mom's life when I was still little and we did not need the monetary child support. But for me I always feel bad that my right to my real last name (though I was adopted by my step father and have a great and loving family)... my actual family tree...geneology..heritage...was denied by legally ignoring half of my biological make up. It is a choice I would have rather been given, not made for me. It made me feel as if the real me were denied, not that I was adopted, but that everyone wished I had really been born a biological product of my step father instead of who I really biologically was. (Which made the awkward teen years even more interesting)
the child is the honest product of both parents, however inconvienient that is. It is child's right to be legally and officially acknowledged from birth in truth.
If the child chooses to do anything with the information once they are old enough that is their decision, but at least they will not feel as if their biological parents were ashamed of having created them. Even if they are eventually adopted it will be fully recorded for posterity; where they started and who proved themselves the better father.
Being abandoned is bad enough. Denying there is a father just adds a dimension of loss.
As for child support, if you need it it is his responsibility to help, if not, that is up to you. And I don't know about forcing him to see his son...that is between you, I would just let him know that eventually his son will want to see him, and that you will encourage him to do so when he is ready. That he will always have a son, wether it is inconvienient or not.
Anyway, that is just my personal feelings, I wish someone who knew would have taken the time to talk to my mother when she faced those hard choices. Though I am so thankful to her and my step father for all they were and are to me.
2006-08-10 04:25:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely put him on the birth certificate. And it depends on the support, do you need extra support or do you want to have nothing to with him for the rest of your life? It's your choice. But the extra money that will be sent in each week/month, can help with college and other education in the future even if you don't need it right now. Hire a lawyer if you intend to get some child support. Good luck.
2006-08-10 04:10:15 · answer #2 · answered by curious_maya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all make him pay, if he's not going to be there he should be paying up (it would be a different story if he had the child half the time). Also when he said that he wasn't going to be there he meant it, he's not going to contact you, trust me. Put his butt on the birth certificate (keeping the childs last name yours to make it easier). Don't try to make him see his son, just get his money, it will be better in the end.
I'm assuming that you're struggling to pay the bills by saying all of this, if you're not I would just not change a thing and enjoy the beautiful baby that you've brought into the world.
2006-08-10 04:11:21 · answer #3 · answered by Kay Eliz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sad that he doesn't want to be a part of his son's life. However, if you force child support, you'll have to allow visitation. Are you OK with letting your son go with his father? If so, then force the child support issue. He should share responsibility for his son.
I think it's important for a father to have a relationship with his child. However, a lot of father's don't feel that way. I'm sorry you're in that situation.
2006-08-10 04:10:52 · answer #4 · answered by Lady J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
First and foremost, I wish you peace of mind and strength during this time. You will need it!
In my opinion, yes, you should file for child support. Wanting to be there as a "father" is one thing, but by law he is supposed to be there financially. Even if his name was not listed on the birth certificate. He has every right to be a jerk and not get to know his child. And let me say, this is his lost and not the child's. I am sure your future holds not only a wonderful mate for you but an excellent father for your child.
Secondly, no, do not force him to see his child. When my friend was young, she was "sent" to visit a father that never wanted her in the first place because her mother thought it was best she knew her father. It was not. She was put in a situation twice a month where she was verbally abused by him and taunted by his other children that lived with him. Not saying your child's father would do the same, but given statistics, he just might.
I wish you well, and encourage you to make the first step by calling a social worker in your Family department today. That will get the ball rolling on a child support case and he/she will also be able to assist you in making further decisions based on the mandatory interview they will need to have with the father once the child support order is served.
Best of luck!
2006-08-10 04:06:49 · answer #5 · answered by buford_bargain_hunter 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No don't put him on the birth certificate. Go down to domestic relations and file for support. They will make the order for support starting the day that you filed. Domestic relations may order a DNA test if he says that he questions the paternity of the child.
also, if you don't have money, when you file your petition for support they will give you a list of (free) attorneys that will help you in this matter.Don't worry about the bio dad, just worry about your child, he sounds like a loser!!
2006-08-10 04:10:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely put his name down as the father on the birth certificate. You make him take financial responsibility for that child, you did not conceive your son alone....
You can't force him to see his child honey, if he wants to be an absent parent, there isn't much you can do about it. You can however see that he DOES pay you child support..
Good luck, Marilyn
2006-08-10 04:08:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends what kind of man he is.
If he's a no-gooder, don't get in touch with him until your son is old enough to know what an idiot his dad is, hopefully he'll come to his senses and contact you before your son reaches that age.
If you want to bring someone who doesn't have enough heart to see his own creation, his own flesh & blood, you'll claim child support and have his bad influence around. He'll start thinking "i'm paying for this kid, I might as well make life hell for that beach (wrong spelling)", and he probably will.
If I were you, I'd not say anything but appear with his child in places he hangs out, showing off your son's beauty to people he knows. That will arouse all his senses!
2006-08-10 04:15:43 · answer #8 · answered by canguroargentino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That really is up to you. But I would say leave it be, except for the birth cert. Even if the childs father doesn't want anything to do with them they should know who he is. As for child support, thats really up to you, but he will probably make it very difficult to get it and it will turn into a big mess.
Good luck.
2006-08-10 04:16:29 · answer #9 · answered by saintlyinnocents 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy made his choice.
It's probably too late to put him on the birth cert.
He told you he didn't want to be involved. Why do you expect him to be? If you want child support - get a court ordered paternity test and go after him in court.
You can't 'make' him want to see his son. He's making a dreadful drastic mistake, but you can't change how someone else feels and acts.
2006-08-10 04:10:01 · answer #10 · answered by crazyotto65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋