How do I ask for some "me" time?

Question

My current B/F and I have were friends for a long time. We've been dating for about five months now and things are going well...so well, that he's practically moved in. I find myself cleaning up after him, nagging like a wife or a mom, and feeling he won't need to buy the cow because the milk is free. Beyond this, I don't feel I have time for myself (in my space). My apartment is small and there's nowhere to just be alone. Even when he's not there his junk is staring me in the face.

How do I tell him that I need to regroup, rejuvenate, and revive myself without him around? I am an introverted person that needs occasional alone time in order to feel sane. He doesn't know this about me, and I didn't know it was that serious... but I'm beginning to feel smothered.

Answer 1

Just tell him that things are moving rather rapid and you really enjoy having him around but at times you feel you need your space. See I think things would be much different if you had a bigger place but being that it's small it makes things unbearable. I'm sure he can relate because everyone needs a little breathing room at times expecially when you live in a tight space. So just talk to him and if he's an understanding guy he will be cool with it.

Answer 2

All you have to do is tell him. The fact that you find yourself, "cleaning up after him, nagging like a wife or a mom, and feeling he won't need to buy the cow because the milk is free" suggests to me that you ARE feeling smothered.

And five months is extremely soon for having anyone move in let alone being "practically moved in". Being as introverted as you are, whats the benefit to you, other than convenient sex, to having the guy move in?

Answer 3

Well I must agree with you on the "people need alone time to feel sane (although I am slightly manic-depressive ).My lady and I have been togeather for a long time and when we don't have time away from each other we start bickering and arguing more and more to the point we almost end it all.What you need to do is get some money (not necessarily alot ) and tell him you are going to the spa with a girlfriend or something like that and go and do something that lets you feel independant.In the long run it willhelp you out more than hurt anything.

Answer 4

When I read your story, it reminded me a lot of my own, so when I tell you what I'm about to, it is coming from experience, not from logically analyzing what you wrote.
Trust me, if you continue living like you are, you can be sure he wont buy the cow, so to speak. I took the wrong approach and learned the hard way what not to do. I thought our relationship was very good with its communication so I told him directly how I felt. At first he didnt really give me a reply, and that got me pretty upset. I felt like he didnt care enough about the relationship and things quickly started spiraling out of control. I felt more and more like I was being taken advantage of in the relationship. I told him that if things wouldnt get better soon that I would have to leave him. I really didnt want to leave him but I felt like he needed to realize how serious this was for me.
Well, it all backfired. He said that if I was so sick and tired of everything that I should just take a break. But the way he said it, I had the feeling it would be a permanent break (it was like emotional blackmail that I really CANT get "me" time). Well, it was really messy and I went psycho on him. I said just about anythign and everything you could say to a person. I want him in my life and I want to be with him but I just want him to care about how I feel in the relationship to and want to fix things that bother one of us.
So that is my story, I'm sorry I dont think me or anyone else can really tell you what to do becuase just like every person is unique, every relationship is unique too. However, since my situation and yours seemed so similar.. I thought I might just tell you what I advise you NOT to do. I really hope your relationship doesnt end up falling apart like mine did, but if he is understanding hopefully he will give you the space you want and understand that you still love him. I thought the best route would be to be direct and tell him exactly what I feel... if you try this route too, please let me know how it goes. My email is [e-mail].
Hope that helped a little.
:)

Answer 5

i understand what your saying....you love him and you want to be with him but lately it has been overwhelming and you need space and some time to get your self back together also with all the responsibility he has been putting on you, you arent sure right now if you want to spend the rest of your life like this. i think your best bet to feel better and come back with a new perspective is a weekend with the girls at a spa or another relaxing place

Answer 6

Yes, your'e being smothered and trampled on. Being smothered because he wants to be around you is one thing, but cleaning up after him is a totally different story. He'll continue to run over you if you continue to pick up after him. You have to put a stop to this now.

Answer 7

Talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. Give him a chance. If it seems like he hasn't given you any alone time then just tell him that u need space.

Answer 8

nip it in the bud! if you dont adress the problem now you will end up resenting him, he wont know if you dont tell him and wont have a chance if he dosnt know. hopfully together you can come to an agreement,and have a great healthy relationship,good luck.oh ya alone time is very healthy and very much ok

Answer 9

just be real with him and tell him how you feel about whats going on

Answer 10

have a nice talk with him explain how you feel