Protecting my 7 yr old.Is this normal?

Question

my first baby is 7 yrs old and is going to the 2nd grade.I am so afraid of letting her go to school.I know how kids can be bullies(i was one of them)in the 2nd grade.My daughter is very sensative.when another child says something or does somthing to her that upsets her, I say something to that child or i'll say somthing to the mother, sometimes threatning to kick their butt if the child doesnt leave her alone.last year a little girl told her she didnt want to be her friend nomore cuz she "always has to dress cute and have her hair done". i told my daughter she was just jealous.I dont think i should have said that.My daughter is a very sweet girl , loves to play with everyone.Im just scared for her.I dont want noone or any kids hurting my baby.Oh and no she isnt around when i confront other mothers.I know its wrong.How can i help myself?

Answer 1

you need to just stop... think about the kid.. you're protecting her - fine.. but you should learn not to cross the limits, not coz it's harming your reputation with the other mothers, but because you're stopping her from learning how to protect herself. you can teach her to play with the nicer ones, but you shouldn't be robbing her chances of dealing with these things (unless it's at a serious stage, which i doubt could be true at 7) and becoming a stronger kid at facing these problems when older. you won't be able to follow her into school, college, etc. the more you keep her in a bubble, the harder it will be for her to grow up. you should consider counseling from the school authorities

Answer 2

It is a mother's natural instinct to protect their children. However, making threats solves nothing. Never threaten another child or you, yourself, could get into trouble. Your daughter does not need that kind of influence. Threatening other parents solves nothing either. Take it up with the school if the bullying continues. Most schools have an anti bully rule. As far as telling your child that the other child is just jealous is unfortunately the plain truth. Your child has to know it is nothing she is doing wrong. You could, however, come up with some better ways for your daughter to react to these types of situations in a civil way. Things she may say that are not degrading or the like. Like "I am sorry you feel that way about me", or stuff like it. All we can do is arm our kids with good sense and pass it on to them that being a bully in return is no way to handle a situation. Make sure you are showing positive behavior in every situation such as this. She will learn from you. I too have a daughter, who is 9, that is very sensitive and has dealt with bullies all the time. But, she knows what to say, and what NOT to say. She also knows that if she keeps getting bullied to not just tell me, but also teachers and other staff members so they know it is happening, or continuing and can help me, as the parent, solve the problem by either bringing the other parents and me together or taking care of it within school. Just continue to be there for her emotionally and support her through the tough adolescent years and be a positive influence. Good luck....

Answer 3

I can relate to what your saying because I too have that same over-protectiveness towards my five year old. It bears to mind that old saying that there are many people I would die for but only one (2 in my case) I would kill for...However with the help of counselling I was able to see that I was actually harming my daughter more than I was helping her. She has to learn that life isn't always pleasant and not everyone is going to want to be her friend...It is a hard lesson but a necessary one, so for your childs sake....let her make her own mistakes, just be there to cuddle her when things don't turn out the way she wants....

Answer 4

You have to learn to let her fight her battles and a stronger person. As long as those other kids aren't hurting her physically or emotionally, you have nothing to worry about. It's natural to want to protect your child though. I do give you props for actually making an effort to stand up for your daughter b/c there a lot of parents who wouldn't do what you do for their child. But the point is that kids will be kids. Just give her confidence and teach her the value of words over violence. The most important person and biggest role model in her life is you so teach her well!

Answer 5

That's a tough one. It's normal to be protective of your daughter, but you can't protect her from everything (not even schoolyard bullies). As for calling out mothers of other children, it's one thing to read them the Riot Act for bullying your daughter, but it's quite another to get on their cases just because their children said or did something to upset your little girl. Sooner or later, your daughter will have to learn that not everyone is a nice person and other people often say very mean, hurtful things. If you stick up for her every time someone "wrongs" her, you'll be doing her a grave disservice. She needs to interact with other children, by herself, without Mom standing by every second. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's a fact of life: Children grow up and learn from the good experiences and the bad. You have to let her grow up and learn.

Answer 6

Obvioulsy you need to grow up a little more. You are afraid of what you did to others when you were a kid is going to happen to your daughter.Its called CARMA. You need to understand that you cannot protect her from growing up. Kids are going to be mean. It is your responsibility to teach your daughter how to handle these situations, promote self-esteem and confidence in herself at all times.
Another thing, approaching another parent about what thier child has said to your child is crazy. Kids are going to be kids and parents know how thier kids are. You can only be concerned about yours. You are not raising those other kids and you are not going to change those parents, that is why it is so important that YOU do what YOU do for YOUR child.
Let her grow and mature. Do no shield her from the world as this will only handicapp her. And you will only do more damage when she is big enough to start making decisions on her own.

Answer 7

I have a 7 year old boy going into the 2nd grade, too. He is the very quiet, smart type. His extreme sensitivity maybe my own fault, and I am working on that. I would never approach another child's parent unless there was a threat or action of physical harm. We, as parents, have to set the bar high, for our children's sake. Just keep the lines of communication open with your daughter, and slowly let her go. It is a cruel world out there, but we must set a good example, and let the kids learn as much as possible on their own regarding peer relationships. Best of luck to you and your family!

Answer 8

Teach her how to deal with bullies and then give her the chance to deal with it herself, you can still ask her how's her school life sometime in order to see if she's having any problem. She need to learn. If things are really getting out of hand, try talking to her form teacher instead of threatening the kid or her classmates will soon know that she has a strict mother and she might have problem making freinds.Just thought you might want to hear from a big kid's piont of view... Good luck : )

Answer 9

I am a mother n i can understand all mothers wants to protect their babies from getting hurt ....we cant be there when they are in school but we can comfort them when they are in trouble or they been bullied ... we are the pillars for them ......

For such cases i would always talk to the teacher n let them know what is happening to our child ....let the teacher handle the situation and deal with the students ...let say her classmates keeps on disturbing her then i will raise an issue to the parent in a formal way but of coz i will inform the teacher about it ..so they can be updated .

i will talk to my girl n make her understand what is happening ..

Kids need to learn .as they grow up they will know how to handle the situation in a better way.. ..if we parents dont to do the right way ..they will see n follow and learn . Kids have good memory ..

That part when you told yr daughter " she is just jealous" i dont see anything wrong with that .. i always tell my girl ..if someone laughs at you when u have a new hairdo or when someone thinks u r ugly i always tell her that they are jealous of what u r n who u r ...you shld be proud of what u r now ......it helps my girl to boast herself up ...and she feels better ...

I may not be the best parent to my kids but i try my best to do my part as a parent and be there for them always ..

we love our kids and want the best for them ...all kids are sweet n lovely .....

take it easy ........u are doing fine ..you just need to find the right channel ..

To me everyday is a learning day n new experiences for me ..

take care n good luck :)

smile always :)

Answer 10

It's good to realize that you need some help. "How can I help myself" is a great question, and says a lot about you. It's normal to be protective of your kids. I understand. I'm a parent too. But sometimes we have to let go, let them fall down, let them take hard knocks. If we always do things FOR them, they never learn to do it for themselves. If we always protect them, they never become strong or independent. Yes, they stay sweet and innocent, but they also stay sensitive and vulnerable. There are a lot of good people who are sweet, innocent, sensitive and vulnerable, but it's a difficult life, and they'll always have to rely on other people to help them, because WE, you and are, aren't always going to be there to save them. I know it's hard. Let go, just a little at a time, and try not to get too distressed when she falls down (literally and figuratively). It's best they fall down when they're kids 'cause they don't have that far to go and they bounce back so well. Keep protecting your child, just relax a little, let go a little. Just a little is enough. It's a dangerous world, and she still needs you.