How long would you wait on someone to marry you?

Question

We are not kids...I'm 41, he's 52. We've been dating for almost 2 years, and got engaged about 8 months ago. I think he got engaged just to keep me happy, because he doesn't seem the least bit interested in getting married. In fact, everytime I mention the word, he avoids the conversation and I get upset. (It should have been a clue when he was adamant about not purchasing the matching wedding band at the same time of the engagement ring!) He says that he fully intends on marrying me, he just doesn't have a "deadline". At my age, I feel pressure not to wait around forever, despite the fact that this man is (without a doubt) the "love of my life". I should also mention that I have a 10 year old child who also fits into the equation. We are so perfect together other than the fact that we have (his quote) "different time schedules for marriage". What should I do?

Answer 1

I don't see any reason for you to hurry to marriage. You've been waiting for the love of your life for 41 years, does it matter now one or two years plus or minus? You are mature people, you should be wiser, you can't think like when you were 25... oh, my God, i am going to die, and i am not married... You have a happy family, so you should be happy too.
If, by any luck, you get pregnant, then you can tell him to marry you, because you want your child to be born in a ''normal'' family, and to have his name.
Otherwise, don't be so inpatient. I know you probably want God blessing for your relation with the men you love, but trust me, if you enjoy the relation, and everything is ok, that means God already gave you his blessing.
Good luck!
Anyway, when you do the wedding, send me some pictures :)

Answer 2

Dump the guy and find somebody else who is in the same time schedule for marriage as you. What he is saying that your on "different schedules" is just an alibi. He's either not ready to tie the knot for some unknown reason or he has no intention of marrying at all. He just wants to keep you by his side while he's probably searching for the "right" one. As you said, you aren't getting any younger. Don't wait around for something that is uncertain. Even if he's the love of your life, you might not be his. Usually, after an engagement is announced by a couple, a specific date for marriage is set and made known to friends and family. Didn't you find it odd why there is no date yet? Don't ignore the red flags. They are there to warn you. You already know how he feels about the issue.

Read this book:
"HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU"

It will help you make that important decision.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I'm 35 and my fiance' is 40. We've been together 11 years and engaged for 4...I'm still waiting. At this point....those other people are right, it's just a piece of paper. The questions are: Is he there for you emotionally? Is he home at night? Does he work and help support you and your child? Is he a good man? Does he treat you and your child right? If you answered yes to all of those questions, then what does you and him having the same last name got to do with it? Maybe it's just me, but when you pressure someone to do something they REALLY don't want to do, it's going to cause more heartache in the end.

And think about this....in regards to your child....if you DID get married now because you pressured him, and then 1 year or whenever down the line, you get divorced because he's not happy, then how is that going to affect your child? Wouldn't it be easier NOW to break up then later?

Good luck on whatever you decide to do...I wish you the best.

Answer 4

I'd say he proposed so he knows he has the security that he has you but might be scared to confirm that you two are together. I don't know your situation. but I say it seems you 2 plus child are ready to settle down. I, being impatient as i am, would wait a few more months, maybe 5 before I sat him down and let him know that you don't want to be stringed along.. Not that he's toying with you. You have a child to think about who needs a father figure, someone to call dad.

Answer 5

Your feeling about this relationship is most likely correct. Why would you want to marry someone that doesn't want to marry you anyway?

He may not want to get married! I am 54 and don't think I will ever want to get married again. I can understand why someone wouldn't want to get married. However, I am really up front about this with women I see. Some actually think they can change my mind!

If being married is a deal breaker, then the deal might well be broke. Either except it, or move on!
Didn't mean that to sound as harsh as it does!

Answer 6

Why rush marriage especially if you think he isn't really interested heading to the altar. I have been engaged for 2yrs, and i am happy whenever it is the right time to head to the church, leave him alone and let him get ready for the big date on his own.

Answer 7

I understand your frustrations, but the man has been fairly clear that he's not really ready for marriage yet, so it's either hang on in there until he's ready or issue an ultimatum.

Answer 8

O I WILL WAIT FOR 45 I THINK IS HIGH TIME YOU NEEL DOWN AND PRAY TO GOD FOR INTERVENTION, PROVISION, ASK GOD TO SURE YOU THE WAY TO HANDEL YOU MAN,SI ENC YOU ARE HAPPY WITH HIM KEEP ON DO NOT GIVE UP SOME DAY YOU WILL WIN HIM TO YOURSELF (JUST BE LIVE) TELL HIM TO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT WHICH IS TO GET MAR RID TO YOU.

Answer 9

As soon as u both have trust get married to save separation
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Answer 10

heck if your happy dont get married .. its easier and cheaper to just break up then get divorced.. if you are soul mates you dont need a piece of paper to tell you you belong together.