how to forgive someone who I really hate?

Answer 1

Forgiveness is really not about the other person, it is about yourself. You are spending your precious time and energy hating the person as they go about their life free from the negativity you feel everyday. Find the least thing you can do to get closure-- writing a letter and sending it (or not--maybe burn it), call them one last time, confront them one last time. Decide what one thing you can do to let it go and be free from it. When you hate someone and think about it all the time and let it eat you up inside, it is like taking poison and hoping it will make the other person sick. You don't have to accept what they did, just say that they don't mean enough to you for you to waste one more ounce of energy on them.

Answer 2

Do you truly hate them? Then this should be easier... let go of the anger - you need to just see that the person who wronged you was a jerk, and heck, what else would you expect from a jerk? Forgive them because you need to realize that it is just in their nature to be the way they are - in fact, if you think about it, you should probably feel sorry for them for being so pathetic. It is not worth the energy you pour into your feelings to bother sustaining that level of emotion. Once you understand that they are not worth further consideration it is easy to forgive them. You would not have a hard time forgiving a bird from craping on your car... yes it sucks, but that's just what birds do. Same goes for this case.

However, if this is a person you care about and want to maintain a relationship with and you just "hate" them because of what they did, you'll have a bit of a harder time with it. You first needs to separate the person from the deed. If this is an atypical behavior - try to be understanding and realize that everyone messes up now and then. Try to let go of the anger a little more every day. Don't expect it all to fade away overnight. Confront them with the situation and tell them that you want to forgive them but that you have having a hard time and ask if there is anything they can say or do to help you forgive them.

However, if this is a typical behavior for them... you might not want to maintain a relationship with them. You should then work on forgiving them, but still moving on. Tell them you forgive them but you cannot stick around to let them wrong you again. Tell them that there are no hard feelings, and you hope they can overcome their shortcommings in the future, but you will not be around if they do. Too bad, they blew it. Too bad for them.

However, if you want more professional advise, see below:
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Without forgiveness relationships would not work. As Gandi said, "In an eye for an eye world, the world would soon be blind." How does one then forgive a betrayal from a friend, a parent, a child, or from our spouse?

A betrayal is when someone has done something you didn’t expect them to do and you feel they have violated your relationship contract. At first, after a betrayal, you feel that you can’t even trust your own judgement. It is important to look at what has occurred. What were your expectations? What do you think the other person’s intentions were? Was there any previous discussions about what to expect from each other? For example, some people live together or get married without ever talking about their expectations about fidelity, sharing household responsibilities, etc. They simply assume the other person feels and thinks as they do.

Forgiving is letting go of your pain and anger. You have to first face it and feel it before you can let it go. Forgiving is a process, not an event. It takes time and effort.

It is important to let the other person know you have been hurt by whatever that has happened. Being willing to do an autopsy together about the hurtful event can help clarify misunderstandings and expectations. You may find out that both people erred, and that a need for compromise is required. Making some AMENDS along with an apology can accelerate the forgiving process. The process of making amends, clearing up misunderstandings and expectations can strengthen the bond between two people.

REMEMBER…IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH A PERSON WHO SAYS THEY ARE SORRY FOR THEIR ACTION(S) BUT DOESN’T CHANGE THEIR BEHAVIOR(S), THEN IT WILL NOT BE SAFE TO PROCEED FURTHER WITH THEM….AND INTIMACY BECOMES COMPROMISED AND LIMITED.

FORGIVING IS NOT FORGETTING.

Suzanne C. Saul, Ph.D.

Answer 3

Well the Best way to Forgive someone that have did you wrong is Asking Jesus Christ to teach the Meaning of Forgiveing Trust me It's not has easy as it seems but to get over the hurt and Pain you first must forgive yourself , evil thought, etc then go to the person and Say I forgive you then take it to Christ Give it to him and he Deal with that Person, because you did everything that you were suppose to do. So don't beat yourself up about, Understand this That person that did you wrong there going to live there life to fullest, while you are still angry or whatnot, So Talk to God , ask him to replace that Hurt with is love, patience, kindness, forgiveness, he will do but you have to really want that Hurt to removed from you so you can live and Move on with your life Because Jesus Loves you more than you think!!

Answer 4

It doesn't happen out of the blue, especially since you say that your feelings for that person are deeply unfavorable. If they really have hurt you, let it go. Avoid that person as much as possible, be civil to them and make only the necessary conversation. In time, you will see that, because they hurt you, that person no longer means anything to you and is not worth your attention. And you have to admit, hate is a pretty tormenting feeling! That's why I say fill your mind up with more positive things. Someone who has done you wrong isn't really worth losing any sleep over! Not even asking questions about them! Just forget they exist and forgiveness will come naturally.

Answer 5

Forgiveness is a very important thing for all people to practice, yet it is so difficult. It is important because without forgiveness one cannot be forgiven. It is difficult because most of the time our actions are justified and mostly justifiable.

Yet, one has to look above all these justifiable actions and facts and forgive. Hatred is another interesting aspect, and is never without reason. However, hatred also has to be set aside momentary when forgiveness has to be issued. Once one forgives the one one hates, hatred will have no more place to return. Forgiveness of those we hate is an enemy to hatred, therefore hatred will not stay where forgiveness is.

Also, forgiveness of ones enemy does not help the enemy(the one forgiven), but helps the one forgiving. The one you hate will not take kindly to your act of forgiveness - he might feel resentment and at times guilty, shameful, and sorry.

If one belongs to any religion - forgiveness is taught in almost all the religions of the world. It is a fundamental principle that even God operates by.

However, this principle is most taught and practiced effectively by Christians. For such, forgiveness is not a choice but a necessity - as Jesus commands forgiveness to those who confess to belong to him.

Answer 6

If you WANT to forgive them then you have to forgive and forget what they did to you- yes easier said than done. But if you truly don't WANT to forgive them than you need to stop associating with them. Otherwise your hate (which is a very strong word) will just grow more and more. If it is a family member then try to talk it out and get on some common ground. Somethings in my opinion are not always forgivable though....

Answer 7

I have found that "forgiveness" is a difficult concept for me but the idea of having compassion for the person is easier to grasp.

Why did they do what they did? What are they insecure about that drove their actions? Was the environment such that everyone was acting nuts? What about their background fed their actions? Basically, just trying to get SOME type of understanding as to why they behaved the way they did.

I have many shortcomings myself, so seeing them as a fellow, fallible human helps me forgive myself for things I have done in the past, as well as helping me let go of what they did.

Glad you are looking for a way.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

this is going to sound a bit lame. but you need to forgive yourself for letting yourself be betrayed or hurt by the person that you hate. sounds weird, like I said. but what is the point in hanging on to the hurt and anger you feel towards that person. is it benefiting you in any way? probably not. It is probably just stressing you out and giving you an ulcer or something similar. If you think of it this way it will be easier to let go of your anger and learn from the experience that you should not trust that person. this will also let you be able to be more centered and be able to detect other people that will hurt or betray you.

blessed be.

Answer 9

Pray and ask God to help you to be able to forgive them. It is alright to forgive people. But you will most likely never forget what they done. Just don't trust them. I have enemies just like everyone else. But I can smile and be nice and not put my self in their shoes. If you can't forgive them, then how do you expect God to forgive you.

Answer 10

Oh man, that's a tough one. It takes time for most of us. I guess my best suggestion would be to pray about it. If you're atheist then I guess I'd suggest you try to find some inner peace for yourself first to get to the point where this person's actions no longer hurt/anger you. All you can do in the end is try to let go of it all and get on with your life.