Help, I think I am slowing myself down in life by being trapped in this web of hate for 2 people that ...?

Question

really troubled me when I had a baby last year, they were relatives (close ones), they came across as selfish and strange, even though I have tried to forgive I am not that great a person, I cant help but hold a grudge and whenever good things happen to them I get so upset, life is so unfair, they dont deserve an ounce of happiness. They only live for themselves and are of no consequence to anyone, while all my other friends and relatives are kind, giving people that live a part of thier lives for others. the question is how to manage such negative thoughts, I am an otherwise good person, I hate this about myself.

Answer 1

Don't worry dear. Everybody has some point in their life when they feel they have been dealt with unjustly even though they have been good people whereas those who are mean and bad get things easily.
You should not lose hope. You never know how bad things are for others. Superficially everybody seems to be happy, like all those rich and famous people. But eventually you read about how unhappy they were even with all those things. It's a part and parcel of life.
Your relatives also have ups and downs in life and they will also have consequences for their actions. I know it's not easy to forgive and forget but if you forgive someone who hurt you then the Almighty will forgive you too. Just remember to be a good and just person. Don't become like those who you dislike and good things will come to you too.

Answer 2

I'd say, first, allow yourself to feel ok for having these feelings. They acted in a way that really put you off, and you are entitled to your opinion of them. After that, try to let those feelings wash through you and try not to dwell on what other things are happening to them. Life may be handing them some goodies right now, but if they truly are negative, unpleasant people they will turn others off and will ultimately reap what they have sown. I'ts only going to bring you down if you make yourself feel somehow involved or responsible for how life is treating them. Having a young child is such a well for creating strong emotions; resist letting them siphon off those great emotions on negative things. I hope that gives a helpful perspective!

Answer 3

The trouble with carrying a grudge is that it just gets so damned heavy after a while. And it only weighs YOU down, never the person you are carrying it about. Know what I mean? Positive energy is the way to go. Let it go. There are lots of tricks to letting it go, but you need to do whatever it takes. Write it down, light it on fire and let it go up in smoke. Or write it down and put it in a bottle and let it drift away on the ocean waves. Whatever would smbolically let you release it. You hit it on the head when you said "they are of no consequence." You know it, now live it. Let it go.

Answer 4

You need to change the way you think about them.

Everybody is in a different place on the Road to Enlightenment. People who are selfish and self-centered haven't learned yet that concern for others is just as important as concern for self.

Your anger at them stems from your being able to see their need to change certain aspects of themselves. Yet how can you justify this anger when, since nobody is perfect, you also need to change?

You can't change another person - you can only change yourself and the best thing you can do for you and for them is to change the way you think about them. Continued resentment won't help you or them.

Give them the Time and Space and Option to change. By doing so you will be able to continue your own Life Journey.

Answer 5

You're right about the hatred you have for someone slowing you down. Hate only hurts the person that is doing the hating, but you already know that. You just need to distance yourself from them or anybody that will cause these feelings in you. Wish them well in your heart and hope all goes well for them because if it doesn't they are always the ones to cry the loudest and make good people like you feel sorry for them.

Answer 6

You probably need to talk your feelings out with the people that upset you or anyone else. Most of all you need to release that anger, it isn't healthy for you or for anyong around you.

People who are small and want to hurt a woman, who has had a baby or is pregnant should not be taken seriously and you should move on with your life and stop concerning yourself with them. Right now as a new parent you are a very busy person.

Answer 7

Personally I would try to stay away from them. A negative environment is not a good place for a child, so try to keep out of their way. Don't be rude or impolite, but is you reject their invitations and stay away from them long enough, they should eventually get the idea that you've moved on to different circles. I did this with a friend who had suddenly changed and doing things that I didn't approve of. I still talk to them if I see them, but other than that we are just aquaintances, and I didn;t hurt their feelings (that I know of).

Answer 8

So they are selfish and strange. Takes all kinds. Makes you appreciate your loved ones more though doesn't it? Accept that this is how they are and will probavly stay. You can keep contact with them to a minimum, and ignore them as much as possible. Concentrate more on your own life and the people you love.

Answer 9

You are a good person, i have to deal with almost the same situation. (just slight differences.) All i do is grin and bear it and when the people are around I try to ignore them, if that doesn't work i just be as polite as possible.
I would say that if you can stay away from them. If they are like you say, then they probably won't even miss you.

Answer 10

God will deal with them, and If they are like you say they have no inner joy or peace. Do not let them ruin your inner joy and peace through hatred. Hatred will hurt you more than it will ever hurt them. You can't change everyone, only pray for everyone. It comes with age but the older you get the less you will let other's affect you. Stay happy and don't focus your thoughts on people like that.