An Alcohalic mother?

Question

one of my friends fathers died in december. she is 16. her mother is an alcohalic and because of this is very needy and neglectful. when my friend was 13 she was changing her mothers diapers. her house is flea infested and it reacks of **** and booze.they do not have gas. social services was monitering them when she was little but not any more. i can not contact social services because she has no relitives that would take her in, and there for she would be in and out of foster care and that would be very damaging to her mentality. (probably around the equalivent of what her environment is now) i have no idea on what to do any suggestions?

Answer 1

So heartbreaking and so sad and more common than you think. She is lucky to have you in her life...someone who cares enough to try and find a way to help her in her situation. Children of Alcoholics are at high risk for every conceivable kind of future dysfunction (one being becoming an alcoholic/addict herself), not to mention the very real problems she has been facing since she was little up to now. Alateen is a resource she could at least try...it's like Alanon (support meetings for relatives/friends of alcoholics) for teenagers who are children of Alcoholics...through them, she might be able to find some help and resources to get her through the next couple of years at least. She can also learn about the horrible disease and understand so much more about herself, her mother and her place in her own world. You can google where the nearest meetings are near you, look it up in the yellow pages, or your school probably has info on it. She would be around teens like herself, who deal with the same kind of despair and **** she goes through on a daily basis...sometimes it's such a relief to have support and share with those who can only understand like you can.

Any chance of your family or any friend's family taking her in until she graduates from high school?

Good luck to her.

Answer 2

If she has no relatives. I would NOT turn her in. The only thing you can do is help the best you can. Always be there for her. Try to talk her into going to some alanon meetings. Dealing with a drug/alcoholic addictive relative takes a lot out of you. She will need all the help she can get. Try to never abandon her as a friend. She has a long road ahead of her,but soon she will be 18 and able to move out on her own and hopefully keep her distance from her mother. Encourage her to get a good education so she can get as far away from that lifestyle as she can. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 3

please read this very carefully....

you have to first talk to your parents. Ask them if they will become foster parents

. Tell them your situation with your friend. If they say no, ask if she can come live with you on a trial bases.

They make get use to the situation and become foster parents.


Then they can get a supplment amount of money to help care for her.

If you cared for your friend you would do what ever it took. You need to get her out and into your home before the police show up and put her in protective custody.

Then she is put in a foster home. Then when one is sick of her, she will be tossed all around.

Her mom has an illness. Her illness is treatable, and maybe having her daughter gone from the home, will make her wake up.

If your parents allow to be her foster parents. Then you can file a complaint with social service and the mother will be put in treatment.

No girl that age should be changing her mothers diapers because the mother is drunk.

Your friend is going to become bitter, she is more then likely going to turn to alchole like her mother to ease her pain.

The only hope for your friend now is you. Talk to your parents now. Get them out of bed if you have to .

Tell them what is going on be honest. Tell them you will share your room and she will be have to have chores and responsibilities around the house.

No one else is going to resuce your friend.. so her life is now in your hands....

Answer 4

do your parents know your friend well. Do they know her situation ? if so maybe your parents could go and see social services and tell them about this I know and understand that been in and out of foster homes also is not good for your friend but really she could not be any worse off then she is now. Maybe your parents could foster her until she is old enough for her to go out in the big world alone. the only thing I can say to you that you talk to your parents about this. Good luck. I am sorry to hear about your friend I do hope all works out fine for her. all the best

Answer 5

awwww, poor thing. I'm sorry abnout ur friends situation. But she needs help badly, imagine if she stays in this sitution. Shes missing out on living, loving, relaxing and being 13 . I understand that you dont wanna go to state workers in fear of her ending up in a foster home. I would suggest you at least talk with ur mother, and someone you really trust whose an adult and can find other routes. But she needs help! god bless you and your friend,

Answer 6

Wow, super tough question. My advice, she is gonna have severe self esteem issues and needs someone in her life to let her know she is not her mother, not dirty and IMPORTANT. Having a friend like you is a huge plus for her, believe me I know. Don't say anything negative to her, it is her mother and even if she expresses herself about how bad her mother is, do not agree, just LISTEN and support her. Your friend has been put in a shitty situation, but it has probably taught her much about responsibility and compassion. Pain sucks, but it is an awesome teacher and as much as you are a wonderful friend, knowing her will teach you much as well. Hang in there with her, she needs you. And if she ever wants to communicate with someone who has been there, hook her up with me. I have not only lived it myself, but my very dear niece has been there too. She is not alone, not only having such a great friend, but there are others who have lived with a mom who was very very sick. You are a GOOD friend!
AND in response to the previous writer, if you really think your parents will go for it GREAT! but if your gut tells you no, then just be her friend! Getting her put in foster homes, is more likely to aggrevate the situation than help it. She is sixteen not a little one. It is too late for foster homes. I may not be 100% correct about this but I am going with my gut and my experience. Hard times like the ones she is expeiencing have caused me allot of harm, but also made me a better perosn. I would say she is much better off with a caring friend like you then being shipped off to this family and that. I could be wrong, maybe she will find a great family, but my guess is she is better off with you very loving support. I do not mean to place so much responsability on you, but I have a feeling you have the strength of charachter to handle it. Like I said, she needs a great person like you in her life!

Answer 7

Just be her true friend, and without being obvious monitor them both, and should you see danger approaching speak up to an adult through school or somebody that can help the situation. She just might be better off with foster care. God Bless you all.

Answer 8

First of all, it's great that you care so much about your friend to ask such a question.........You should be commended........If she WAS in and out of Foster Care, how would the conditions be the equivalent to what she is dealing with now??????? How much more can her mentality be damaged??????? Please tell her to talk to a counselor about her situation (they cannot repeat anything she says to them, only give her advice to help her get through this)........I'm so sorry for her, and wish there were more I could do to help........Please tell her she has people praying for her................

Answer 9

she can emancipate herself if she can prove to the courts she is responsible enough to get a job, stay and finish school and take care of all her daily needs. other wise, she would probably be better off in a foster home for the next couple of years. as far as her taking care of her mother, tell your friend to walk away, it will never be better while staying there.

Answer 10

I'm sorry your friend is facing this situation at such a young age. You can talk to your mom about allowing your friend to come live with you, and also tell social services about that. You can tell your friend to take her mom and her to Dr. Phil and he can help them and get the mom into rehab, and find something for your friend. Hope this helps!