Should i live a lie?

Question

Okay,im 13 and im going to make my conformation this year(conformation-to conform that i am a catholic,for like ever)
And ive done alot of thinking,im not catholic. I dont believe in god or anything. My teacher said if you chose not to be a catholic,dont come to school the year you make it. But im going to the same school. Im scared to death about telling my mom/family because they're hardcore catholics.
Should i go through the conformation? Or should i tell everyone about my "religion"?

Oh and P.S My mom said she's dis-own me. and i wouldnt like that
hope it helps
=]

Answer 1

You are only 13. The way you think about things now may change in a few days, months, weeks, years. Maybe even 5 minutes from now.

An empty ceremony without faith will not impress God. It will also make you feel like CRAP! There are reasons you have doubts about the faith your parents tried to raise you in! You should be able to talk to your parents about these doubts. In fact, you must! They need to know what is going on with you and why.

Your school cannot kick you out for a "lack of faith", especially if your parents have paid boukuu bucks to put you in a private institution!!!! It is against the law!!! You may want to transfer to a public school, or just be yourself where you are.

FYI, anything said in confession is totally private. Your priest can't tell anybody, not even your parents. If you need to talk to somebody, confide in somebody, seek counsel, you might want to start there. You could even maybe get your confessor to mediate a serious conversation with your parents.

Having doubts is not a religion. It means you have questions that you can't find answers to on your own. Explore why you have those doubts and questions, and at the least put off the confirmation for another year. The world won't end. Really.

Answer 2

If you were older I'd say to be directly honest...but a child telling their parents that they don't believe in the same religion at such a young age often becomes pure turmoil in a family where religion is so important. You could ease into telling them that you don't want to do confirmation because you feel you are too young to make a life long commitment and need more time to think about it....if they accept that well then you could work up to discussing why you don't want to do confirmation at all.

It would really suck going to a catholic school when you don't believe in the religion, and you have a lot of school left to go. Unless your parents are crazy, they will still love you even if you don't believe the same as them. If they are like most parents, they'll say you are just going through a phase and will eventually stop being a "backslider." I know someone who is 19 and her mom still thinks she will change her mind back to religion.

So, this is a tough one. I think honesty is important and you shouldn't be forced to live a lie. You should reflect on the situation more, but it looks like it would be best to just ease into telling them how you really feel. Be prepared to explain why you don't believe in the religion in an intelligent and mature manner, it will help them to be more accepting of your change in belief.

I hope that helps.

Answer 3

This is a really tough one. On the one hand, going through a ceremony that you don't believe in is not only meaningless, but can even be counter-productive. On the other hand, it is something very important to your family, and you don't want to spoil your relationship with them.

Without knowing you or your situation, I would recommend that you think about one thing: why is it that you don't believe in God or anything? Is this a committed belief of yours, or is it that you just haven't found anything yet that really convinces you? If it is the latter, you should make a serious effort to get to know your religion, so you can make an informed decision - and not just "opt out" because you don't know enough. In today's world, it is easy for someone your age not to believe, or even not to see a reason why someone should believe. But one thing you should believe is this: it's a tough world out there, and the only people you can count on are your family. So if it is important to them - not saying that you should do it just for that reason - but at least you should honor them by making a serious effort to get to know what they believe in and why, and to see if there is something there that can touch you.

If not, you should be honest and let them know - and maybe they will find a way to help you believe - or maybe they will eventually accept it if you still don't have it inside of you.

Either way, you shouldn't "live a lie". Living hidden lies is one of the worst things people can do - it destroys the relationship with our loved ones, and eventually destroys us. And lies will always come out - and then you will have even more problems.

I hope this helps!

Answer 4

Wow! This one is very tough to answer because I can see that you are very serious about it. While I always believe in living your life in your own truth, not others, I also think that this might be very difficult for you to do considering your age. I think that you might want to sit down and have a very quiet talk with your mom and dad. Try not to get emotional, but tell them how you really feel. I do remember going through something very similar right around your age. I was never Catholic, but grew up in a Methodist home. As a teen I began making my own decisions about what I believed to be true in my heart. I was still forced by my parents to attend church, and I know that they had real honest and good intentions, but I no longer practice the faith that I grew up in. I still believe in God (Creator, The Great I Am) but not in the way that organized religion teaches our Creator to be. Good luck to you and I am sure you will find your own way.

Answer 5

Well follow what your heart tells you, because im christian and you do not have to go into conformation to believe in god. That's redicolous but everyone has their way and i respect it but if you dont feel like doing your conformation then i tell u dont do it!! Because then u will stay with the toughts of what if i wouldnt of gone through with it? So just follow what you feel and dont let other people or family make your decisions even if they get mad or disappionted at u. Follow ur heart and ask Jesus for guidence in your life, god bless.

Answer 6

I feel your pain. I'm ignostic.(that means I don't think god has any logical value) I'm afraid to tell anyone because many of the people around me are hardcore Catholics. I plan to just wait until i'm 17 or 18, head to some place far away for college, and go public about my choice of ignosticism.
I've already been confirmed before I deconverted, but I don't really care. After all, if I don't want to believe in Catholicism, why should I hold any regard for its sacraments?

Answer 7

At 13 it appears you know and understand more than your parents at this point.

So, do not live a lie---it will create consequences you don't need or want. You're too young to set yourself up for failure.

BTW---conforming is not forever---when you become legal age, no longer under the parents rule, you can convert to whatever religion you choose or not.

You must believe in something, because you question this---spirituality doesn't have to be about 'religion'. Understand "Who You Really Are" and allow that to be your strength.

You 're brave for bringing this to public light---allow that strength to be your guide.

Take care
Mama

Answer 8

Well, I'm not religious either, so i would have big problems being in a school like that anyway. I wouldn't know what to trust what they tell me anyway. If I where in your shoes I'd talk to my parents about it and ask them if I could change to another, or at least a less strict school. Probably you're gonna have to disappoint them anyway some day later about that you're not religious, and maybe the worst they'll think then is that you've been lying to them all that time. It can also be that you don't mind lying to god because you don't believe in that, but your parents might think different about that and you could disappoint them in that too. So I should at least tell them and talk about it. Of course, I don't know your parents, and finally, its your decision. Good Luck

Answer 9

I don't know what your parents are like, but I can tell you that at the age of 13 my parents told me what to do. We are a catholic family and it was their duty to bring their children up catholic. And they did. I wouldn't of had a choice...there was no choice but to make my sacraments and live the life of a catholic. I am that today and I'm satisfied that I am. I feel for you as you are so young and how could you not believe in what your family had to have instilled in you since birth? I'm not able to understand this part of your issue......good luck......

Answer 10

Same thing happened to me. Just do the silly confirmation. Get all the cool gifts and money. Buy yourself something nice and believe what you want. It doesn't mean you have to be a catholic forever. when you are old enough to feel comfortable to tell your parents you don't believe in a god, do it then. I'm happy you don't believe in all that junk. I never did. It's just silly, isn't it?