During the day I take care of my son and his cousin. My son is 11 months old and his cousin is 12 months. His cousin is starting to become rather a bully, which isn't as bad as it could be, my son does fight back. But now his cousin has taken to biting. I keep catching him biting my son really hard to the point where he leaves bruises and even once broke the skin. How do I discourage this behavior. He's still really young and I don't want either of them to grow up being mean to others like that.
2006-08-09 15:24:55 · 16 answers · asked by Chelle's Belle 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thanks for the advice so far. His mother knows the problem, its just he never does it when she's around. She told me to do what it takes, including biting him back gently to stop it. Although I feel a little frightened to do that, I will probably try the timeout first. And he does understand the word no but he also likes to test me and do things anyways after he has been told no.
2006-08-09 15:54:57 · update #1
Thats a tough one.
I raised three kids and the first time they bit someone I bit them back and said......see this hurts. don't ever do that again.
It is very important as a mom to be consistant. Have Cause & Effect. If you do this ----- this. then --------- happens. And never give in, which means don't make any punishments that mom and dad can't deal with. (like grounding your kid for a year LOL)
Kids will learn that if they, lets say, If you bite you don't get to play with your truck (or whatever favorite toy is) then you put the truck away and don;t let the kid have it until tomorrow. Then never give in. If you give in on things, the kids will learn that eventually mom gives in, so push her until she does.
It would be good to ask you son's cousins mom what she thinks should happen if one of the kids bites the other. If you bite him back, she might NOT aprove. But, there definatly needs to be some guidelines concerning bully behavior. These boys are still pretty young, but they do learn by predictable behavior. Like peek a boo. they know you will not be seen then you are and they think that is so funny. If you can be consistantly funny, you can be consistant on what happens in one of them is mean to the other.
It is a rule of thumb that if you put a one year old on time out, it is for one minute. For a two year old 2 minutes. Three year old three minutes and so on.
Good luck. The little cousins will grow up as wonderful buddies.
How lucky they are.
2006-08-09 15:50:30 · answer #1 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 2⤊ 5⤋
I live next door to a 2 1/2 year old who still bites my 2 1/2 year old everytime they play. I actually just posted a question about it. I got a great answer from a pre-school teacher saying to remove the biter from the 'fun' until they learn not to do it. I am no longer going to allow my son to play with this 'shark' until he no longer bites.
Personally, I'd spank his bare bum and tell him no biting, then make sure whatever they were fighting over was not in his possession. Then, remove him to a boring environment. Apparently it's an age thing and they outgrow it.
2006-08-09 22:34:03 · answer #2 · answered by Margie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
re: 'His mother knows the problem, its just he never does it when she's around.'
......this just tells me that the cousin already knows that biting is a no-no and has already learned how to 'get around' his mom. IMO, his mom needs to take action on this and not tell you: "to do what it takes, including biting him back gently to stop it." biting him back is dumb since he already knows that biting is wrong but that it gets him attention anyway! Swatting is just as stupid IMO but may provide an adult swatter with the satisfaction (power trip) they desire.
re: 'And he does understand the word no but he also likes to test me and do things anyways after he has been told no.'
.......and that's the game he has learned (been taught) to play with his own parents so he plays it with you too! that's bad parenting, IMO.
i'd isolate the biter every time he bites to have him experience the unhappy-unrewarding consequences of his behavior. be careful not to overdo it so that he feels that biting is still getting him the reward of attention.
2006-08-10 02:19:46 · answer #3 · answered by jimrich 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Time outs. Put him in a chair for one minute and let him know that he was put there because of the biting and then when he is finished with his time out let him know that this behavior will not be tolerated. Also, you might try and get him to apologize (it will more likely be a hug) to his cousin for biting him. Nanny 911 put out a book on how to deal with different types of misbehavior, you could look through there and see if there is something else you could do. Good Luck.
2006-08-09 22:49:07 · answer #4 · answered by mom of girls 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
my son went through this at a babysitters house and she would never correct the child, my son was bruised all over and she would not make him stop so i had to quite my job..my son also was a bitter when that young to the point where he would draw blood, but it only lasted a month or so he bit me so bad one time that he took skin and i bleed for awhile..i bit him back but not hard enough to even hurt him he just looked at me and never bit no one again..he told his dad(my hubby) and he asked what he did wrong and he told him that he bit me, then hubby seen my neck and wanted to take me to the hospital, i said i will be fine.i have a scare to this day12 years later...so you really need to put a stop to this before the child hurts someone really bad..good luck
2006-08-09 22:46:06 · answer #5 · answered by bllnickie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Render a pain for a pain. 12 months old isn't too young to start giving one firm swat on the rear end to communicate that you are very displeased with his behavior. Screaming only demeans a child. Discipline, executed for the right reason, teaches a child lessons that they will learn much more easily from you than if they were to grow up and learn by the severe consequences of their actions. I strongly recommend that you get a good book on the subject of discipline. Go to...
2006-08-09 22:30:18 · answer #6 · answered by lachichippie 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Talk to him/her about it and tell them it's not nice to bit. Make sure the child's parents know about the problem to so they can help stop the problem when they have him/her.
Good luck
2006-08-09 22:38:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds brutal but the only way in this situation is aversion therapy... that means the only way for the boy to really know that it hurts when you get bitten is for him to feel it. After a couple of times of getting bitten back, he'll think it's not so much fun after all.
2006-08-09 22:29:59 · answer #8 · answered by crazygreeniis 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
bite the child gently so that it doesn't leave a mark, but enough so that he understands what it feels like. i know it sounds mean, but it's been recommended to me so many times, and it really works for my friend's children.
2006-08-09 22:31:36 · answer #9 · answered by mamabird 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I'd tell him no when he bites, and swat his hand or cheek. But thats just me, and thats how we were taught as children. We all grew up fine.
A child usually understands the word NO at about 8-9 months. If they dont already, they should learn it.
2006-08-09 22:29:18 · answer #10 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋