We definately don't need the money, but my husband wants me to leave our 9 month old baby to work full time?

Question

I have struggled to find peace with this, but I cannot. I am offered a really nice carreer as a restaurant manager, but for the life of me, I can't understand why he wants me to do this? We don't need anything. We have a nice home, no debt, two decent vehicles (one is fully paid for), and our baby girl is very clingy and hates being left even for a moment with a stranger. To make things worse, we just moved to a new area, and I haven't even got a feel for the place yet, or seen any daycare place I feel comfortable leaving my child at!!! I'm due to report for training/work in October...

My husbands greed angers me, that he would want his only girl in someone elses charge unecessarily just for the love of money? And it's nothing more than that. I wanted to go back to work when she was about 3, old enough to talk and walk and understand why I left her for the day. I am very dissapointed, but have no idea how to talk to him about this without a dispute ensuing. Any advice? Tips?

Answer 1

You can present your hubby some better alternatives. Besides, you're already a mother and it is not wise to leave the child to a nanny (or daycare) most of the time. The baby needs the motherly bond and your guidance while he/she grows.

But if he really wishes you to share in the family income (maybe he thinks what he earns is not sufficient for your future or some other reasons he can't tell you?), a work-at-home job is the best way in order for you to still able to give the child priority. Another benefit is that you can also have money for yourself that you can honestly say are fruits of your efforts. There are many moms who are successful with this!

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Answer 2

You might want to start off by asking him what his concerns are. He may be "afraid" of something. Maybe for some reason he feels he's not providing enough money. Or maybe he's just "jealous" that you get to stay home. Some men sincerely believe that women sit home with the children all day eating Bon Bons! Has he ever cared for your daughter an entire day on his own? Maybe he truly doesn't realize what it is you do all day, so you might have to literally spell it out for him. Even though his concerns, fears or jealousy might seen irrational to you, they are still his feelings, so you need to hear him out.

After that, I like the idea that others have presented. Be prepared to give him facts about how much day care will cost, how much the gas and new clothes will cost. Then, tell him you'd both have to decide on a plan as to who will leave work when your daughter gets sick. If it's a lot (which it will most likely be-since day cares will not keep a child with even a slight fever) one of you risks losing your job if you need to leave too often. Then, remind him (ever so gently) that if you are both working full time, that house chores and baby care needs to be a 50/50 deal, FULL TIME as well. You will NOT be the sole housekeeper, nor will you be the one who always feeds, changes, bathes and plays with the baby.

I used to work in the restaurant business as a manager, and I can guarantee you that you will be working MORE than 40 hours a week, EVERY week! You'll probably be working longer hours than your husband! You'll have a flexible schedule that constantly changes, meaning you'll have to work weekends AND holidays! That is definitely something else to consider too.

I hope that bringing these points up to your husband in a nice way, while also listening to his concerns, does not end up in an arguement. But chances are, it probably will. No matter what though, stand your ground and tell him that your daughter is only a baby once, and jobs are out there forever. I hope this works out for you. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

You do not say where you live but unless you get a emergency order giving you custody yep he can. Since he is the child's father he has as much say as you do over the child until the court finds other wise. If he is abusive have the police been called out, if so you can go to a DV shelter and get a restraining order and emergency temporary custody order in place ASAP. Check with the local DV shelters even if they do not have room ask for DV Stop which provide temporary shelter as a hotel until a place opens up. When you do so request that it be in another area of the county or part of the state or in another state depending on financial circumstances. Usually they will place a DV victim in another part of the County where the abuser does not frequent. Now the first two site I list take a good look at. One is for shelters that other is non profit legal organization that provides legal assistance to DV victims gain restitution through civil court.

Answer 4

Just tell him "no". If he doesn't like it let him go out and get a second job to support his greed. Your daughter is more important than any toys he wants in order to keep up with the Jones. I'm sure it will cause issues between you, but honestly if he's that into money, it won't be long before he chooses that over the both of you. Have you thought of talking to a marriage counselor? Maybe he/she might be able to see why you feel so strongly about being a part of your daughters life, and help him figure out why having so much money is important to him. Sometimes we need wise counsel to help us refocus on what really counts in life. You can't take your toys and money with you when you die...I've never seen a UHAUL attached to a hearse, you? Anyhow, just stick to your guns, your daughter will thank you for it later, afterall they are only little for so long. You are doing right by her! Best wishes!!

Answer 5

Children who are in day care or babysitting because mom is working to make more money often act out more than other children. I recently took my children to play soccer at the local YMCA and some kids in a camp were very mean to my children because they felt they had a right to do this, I found out from the camp counselor the kids were dropped off everyday and then left until the very last minute to be picked up. My girls are very loving children who love to play with other children, but also, like having the time we have together playing and making things. My husband would have it no other way.

Answer 6

this should have been talked about before the child was concived "poor planing on both your parts" if he and you had differnt ideal about how/who the child would be cared for by. Now that it was not talked about your in a funk. I think working fine i think staying home is fine. Will the income you get cover child care + allow you extra $ if not tell him you won't make enough to make it worth the time being away from her. A great daycare gets very $$$$$ tell him you will not drop her off any ol cheap place make it seem like more of a hassle and cost 4 you to work.

Answer 7

Tell him you already have a job, mothering his children, and that is the end all be all of your existence. There is not a job or company who needs you more than your daughter. The payoff of being there at this most important time in her life will be priceless beyond anything that could ever appear on a W2.

Tell your husband to be a MAN and give his child the greatest gift a man can, for her mother to be there and not off trying to bond with strangers to whom HIS CHILD is just another day on the job.

Check the stay-at-home section

Answer 8

men just dont understand sometimes, what an impact it makes on children when they have a stay at home parent. you guys sound pretty set financially and i really dont see the need for you to go back to work, you should be able to enjoy being with your child. Maybe you should propose it like this. make a budget of how much extra money you would be bringing in if you went to work, then subtract all the extra costs that would come with it, such as childcare (that will be the biggest expense) the extra gas that you would have to use, dropping your daughter off and going to and from work, the extra medical costs that will come with it, because going to daycare full time she will get sick often, go all out with expenses, even maybe some new clothes you may have to buy for work, everything you can think of, so he sees that it really wont make that big of a difference. and then explain to him that you would REALLY like to be with your daughter, to watch her grow up and make sure she is raised right, by YOU and not some daycare provider so you can instill the values that you want her to hold. hopefully all of this will make him see it your way and put his greediness aside. if it doesnt though, i would recommend going to counseling or something so you can both see eachothers viewpoint better, sometimes its easier to see the other persons view point with another persons unbiased opinion. im with you on this one though, i dont think you should go back to work if it is not financially necessary.

Answer 9

What a dilemma, and I sympathise with you.
If you aren't ready to go back to work then don't - it's that simple. You won't be happy if it's not what you want. Your child won't be happy if your not happy, and your marriage won't be a happy one. I am a firm believer that children should be bought up by their parents full time. (I mean not be placed into child care every single day, one or two days sure but not everyday - with some families the financial strain is mind boggling so they are left with no choice, and with them I sympathise). Is it just for the money that your husband wants you too work?

Talk to him again and make him see that your not ready yet.
Good Luck I hope this helps.

Answer 10

I think that you should be completely honest, and tell him if he wants more money to get a second job. As women we instinctively know what is best for our children. Stay home with your baby. Why would you want someone else to raise? Don't get me wrong I know that some people have no choice, but from what you say you are financially stable. I know that we should respect and submit to our husbands, but sometimes we have to help them make the right decision. I think that in the long run he will thatnk you and so will your daughter. I will pray for you.