What's with the practice of allowing boys to sleep over with one's daughter?

Question

My daughter has a boyfriend. Her parents have allowed him to spend the night there. They are 15/16 yrs old. Since when did this become popular?
My daughter has a boyfriend. Her great-Aunt wants her to spend next weekend with her, and has invited her boyfriend.
I told her that I object to this practice.
My reason is, it breaks down certain barriers that need to stay in place in a dating/BF/GF relationship.
Having them stay in the same house over a weekend would make it more like roommates, and allow for other rules of decorum to fall by the wayside.
BTW, I'm a single, widowed Dad raising my daughter.

Opening statement should have said, "my daughter's female friend has a boyfriend". Her friend's parents have allowed him to stay nights there.
Sorry for the confusion, and thanks for correcting me, "GiGi".

Answer 1

I applaud you at taking a stance in raising your daughter. My advice is simply, stick to your intuition. If questions and doubts are rising, then put it off. Children are growing up fast enough without having the added pressure of spending the night with boyfriends. A lot of people say it's about trust and they are watching their children and know what's going on but honestly, did your parents know everything you were into when you were a teenager?

Are you planning to share a room with the boyfriend or stay up all night? Welcome the boyfriend into the home and on daytime outings but after dark, show him the door. Also, if you haven't already, establish a relationship with his parents and an understanding of what the rules are when your daughter visits their home. Most of all, make sure you've had an open, honest talk with your daughter about the birds and the bees and don't depend on the aunt to do it for you. She may do a great job but you really need to build that relationship with your daughter.

I know I'm a bit old-fashioned but I'll stay this way if this is what's coming.

Answer 2

Well, Auntie has already invited the two of them, without consulting you about your parental rules.

1. Call Auntie and politely tell her what your stand is on underage boyfriends staying over night at with your daughter.

2. Since the invitation has already gone out, tell Auntie that you will be coming, also, to insure they do not sleep in the same bed.

3. If you have other children, tell Auntie, you're sorry, but you'll have to bring them along, too. Won't it be a fun slumber party. Be actually 'looking forward to it' in your tone of voice.

4. Auntie will see what this is turning into, and the amount of food she will have to buy to feed everyone, and the clean up, and perhaps reconsider. If not, go ahead with #s 2 & 3.

Thank the universe for parents like you. Warm regards.

Answer 3

I have a son who spends the night at his girlfriends house almost every weekend. When this situation came up, it took me a little by surprise. By the way we are talking 17 year olds. After discussing it with the other set of parents and my son, my husband and I agreed to it. You have to put trust into your children, and as long as both sets of parents are in agreement on all the rules I am very comfortable with this. It is a different world and not a very safe one anymore. I know where my son is, and I know that he is being looked after by very decent, intelligent parents when he is at their house. They have been dating for 2 years now and there has not been one incident of impropriety. I would rather them be at a place I know they are safe and supervised then driving around possibly getting into an accident or some other trouble. As far as dating now days, it is so expensive for even a movie and dinner that most kids can't afford to do it. If you have raised your daughter with good morals and you trust that her Aunt has her best interest at heart, then don't worry.

Answer 4

When I was 15 my mother allowed my 18 year old boyfriend to spend entire weekends with us.This was quite a few years ago. Not everyone approves, but it is definately something that is happening more and more. As long as they are not sleeping in the same bed, I dont see anything wrong with it. Gives them time to get to know each other better.

Answer 5

First of all i must commend you on a job so tough....you must be a wonderful father...it shows in your question....second, the best you can do is raise your daughter right in the ways of life...its a tough world out there. Make sure she is well aware of all risks and consequenses of pressures she could be getting from others. all we can do is hope we have done well and done right in teaching our children right from wrong. TRUST that she will respect you and herself in certain situations...now, is there a responsible adult where she will be staying that will have supervision over her and her bf contantly? If so maybe try it out. If not I wouldnt allow it. Good luck

Answer 6

i have heard this is a new trend to insure that there daughters or sons are not gay. parents are terrified that little " Caleb" or little "brittny" is not into the opposite sex, so the parents now all allow there son's and daughters over for a little "cutesy" "cutesy" get together, that gets them all hot and bothered, and they can say they slept together. when most likely they slept in seperate rooms. but the occasional, climb in to each others bed happens.

Answer 7

Don't do it... My husband says that he is the man of the house, and he does not work 60 plus hours a week to have some kid lounge around on his couch, and eat his food, while he is out busting his tail.

I agree with him. Send em home or there will be problems..

Answer 8

well i don't know how or why any mother would allow this..I raised three girls..and Never would have allowed a bf to spend the night..That is such a stupid thing to do..some people are misguided and have no common sense..but this is something that should not be allowed!!

Answer 9

my father passed away too, but my mom let my boyfriend spend the night when i was 16 and he was older than 16 but not 25 but i guess every parent has different ideals for their children which i completely respect

Answer 10

You should not allow it at your home and don't allow her to go to her aunt's since her aunt's sense of morals is questionable.

If your daughter gets pregnant, you will be the one to be blamed if you allow it.