10 points to the person who can make me laugh with the best joke...?

Question

Make me laugh and earn 10 points. You have nothing to lose and only two points to gain.

Answer 1

ur momma so dirty she brought her own crabs to the beach

Answer 2

1. A guy walks into a bar carrying a dog which has no legs. He places the legless dog on the bar table, and the bartender says, "Hey, what happened to your dog?" The guy says, "He was born that way". The bartender then says, "What's his name?" The guy answers, "I never named him". The bartender then said, "What a shame - no legs, no name, why didn't you at least give the poor pooch a name?" The guy said, "Because he wouldn't come if you called him."

2.Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
Grimace painfull while smacking your forehead and mutter: ' Shut up dangit, all of you just shut up! '

On the highest floor, hold the doors open and demand that they stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go ' plink ' '

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, then announce, ' I've got new socks on! '

When the elevator is quiet look around and ask, ' Is that your beeper? '

Stand silent and motionless in a corner facing the wall, without getting off.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passangers that this is your 'personal space'

Stare at one of the passangers for a while then announce, ' your one of THEM !' and move to the far corner.

Answer 3

A trainee pilot and a professional pilot went on a test run but the professional had a heart attack,so the trainee called for help and when he got a responce he said......
Trainee:The pilot has just had a heart attack.
Air controller:Ok can you tell me how high you are.
Trainee:How the hell am i supposed to know that.
Air controller:There is a Altimeter on the dash board.
Trainee:Ok i see it,im at 10.000 feet
Air controller:Ok now we are getting somewhere,what speed are you doing.
Trainee:I don't know!
Air controller:There is an air speed indicator on the instrument panel.
Trainee:I see it,I'm going 150 mph.
Air controller:How much cloud is there where you are.
Trainee:All i can see is tree's and fields,i think I'm upside down.
Air controller,What makes you think that,at first you didn't even know how high you were and how fast you were going so how do you know
Trainee:I can feel the sh*t running past my collar.

Answer 4

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?” In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.” Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?” The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter. “I’m here for the paint job," she said. "Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house. “The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating. After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a Porsche out back. It's a new BMW.



(fyi i have nothing against blondes.alot of my frends are blonde.i just think its a funny joke.)

Answer 5

I've told this joke a lot of times, but maybe you haven't heard it yet. Here it is:

Little Timmy had been in the hospital with a broken leg for quite some time now. He was almost all better and was getting ready to leave. The doctor came into the room and asked "What is the first thing you are going to do, once you get out of here?" Little Timmy replies "I am going to go buy a box of Tampax" "Why?" the doctor asked, Little Timmy says "I saw them on TV and the ad said that with them you could run, skate, swim, bicycle, and do just about anything you want."

Hope ya like. ♥

Answer 6

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Answer 7

Ok this is more of a dirty joke..So, sorry. I can't find it on the internet so i'll try to remember all of it.

This guy went in Japan on a business trip. He was getting lonely so he decided to hire a prostitute. They were going at it all night and the Japanese girl was yelling "FUJIFOO!!! FUJIFOO!!" The guy responds to her yelling thinking it's a good thing, so he continues on. The next day, he was playing golf with his business men. He putted the golf ball and trying to impress his friends says "Fujifoo". The guy next to him says "No...you got the right hole..."

lmao that joke always makes me laugh..hope you liked it =)

Answer 8

Nothing against the Mexicans but I thought this joke was funny.

3 women from Idaho, Nebraska, Texas and Mexico were traveling together. All at once the woman from Idaho started throwing potatoes out the window. The woman from Nebraska asked her why she was doing that. She said because we have so many of these things I'm sick of them. So the woman from Nebraska started throwing out corn...the woman from Texas says why are you doing that? She said we have so much corn in Nebraska I'm sick of seeing it so I'm gonna throw these away. The woman pushed the Mexican out the door.

Answer 9

ok this may not work, but here goes

say pudding like 10 times than look at someone, and say pudding 10 times in a row and see if you dont laugh, It works trust me...

Answer 10

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 11

Okay here it goes, what did the pervert say to the cop when he got caught f**kin a pumpkin?

A: What?! You mean it's already midnight?!!!