For those who say homeschooled kids lack social skills, which specific skills are they missing?

Question

I don't want to read theories or opinions about why homeschooled kids are supposedly lacking in social skills, and I don't want to read about people guessing which skills they are supposedly lacking. I want to hear specific examples people have experienced from homeschoolers they have met, ideally things that could be attributable to homeschooling itself and that aren't seen in public school kids ever.

Yes, Muse, I am already a bit defensive. If you read through some of the answers in the homeschooling section, you'll see why. Time and time again there are comments about homeschooling is a bad idea because the kids will have no social skills or their social skills will suffer badly.
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I've studied enough about bullying to know that professionals (counsellors, psychologists, etc.) look for some underlying cause of anger or a lack of emotional maturity and it's not in a lack of social interaction the problem--it's not knowing how to deal with feelings which is NOT something kids learn in school.

siroric, thanks for the specifics. If you could add more specifics about the others, that would be great.

cassandra, be nice. I'm a former school teacher and there is a point to training, to ensure a minimum standard among people teaching groups of children paid for by the government. But elementary teachers don't necessarily have background knowledge of all the subjects they teach.

goodlittlegirl, thanks for saying that it IS a gross exaggeration to lump all homeschoolers together. I appreciate that as there's so much in Yahoo Answers where people lump all homeschoolers together, as though we all do the same thing and are just the same.

Answer 1

In what I can glean from other comments:
1. The ability to gossip?
2. The ability to follow trends? (This was a big issue when I was a public school student.... hmmmm.... following the trend of smoking, cussing, fighting, mini-skirts and other skimpy clothing, separating into "cliq's", wearing the same hairstyle as the others, being "different" by doing everything everyone else is doing....???!!.... the list goes on.)
3. Discussing current television sitcoms?
4. Knowing all the words to the common "music" of the day?
5. Running from a fight... or standing there and getting beat up?
6. Walking past jeering boys as they whistle and grab?
7. Worrying about appearance; the right clothes, the right make-up, etc..?
8. Finding a boyfriend/girlfriend?
9. Kissing?
10. Going to school dances?
11. Sitting and waiting for the teacher to get back from taking rowdy boys to the principals office?
12. Standing in line for lunch?
13. Dealing with disappointment after receiving an "F" on your artwork that the teacher lost after having it for 3 weeks?
14. Shunning underclassmen?
15. Hazing younger students?
16. Mourning classmates after a school shooting?
17. Listening to others go on and on about their weekend "party".
18. Underage drinking?
19. Illegal drug use?
20. Being held against a tree and hit while another student stands as lookout for the playground attendent.
21. Being told that their faith is worthless.

And BTW: What is wrong with home-schoolers calling their parents "mommy and daddy"????? That's a silly statement because I know public school kids that call their parents by those same titles!!!!!

and BTW#2: What is wrong with being different???? Isn't that what every teen seems to think is important? The more things change the more they stay the same.

Homeschoolers are changing the world as we know it. Homeschoolers are taking a risk and being "different" in order to do something good for themselves and for others.

As a Christian home-school parent I am thankful that my children are missing out on the public-school social skills. The skills that they are developing AT HOME will last them for a life-time and hopefully give them the edge that they need to become fine examples of outstanding citizens in the community and in the work-place.

Answer 2

When you said "...ideally things that could be attributable to homeschooling itself and that aren't seen in public school kids ever." I couldn't help but think that the way you phrased your question leads me to belief that you're already defensive about the common drawbacks people associate with homeschooled children. There is no absolute about what you will and wont' see ever in certain populations because there are always exceptions.

The experience of a school setting away from home offers a type of socialisation that cannot often be met by any other venue.

6 hours a day.. 5 days a week.. 4 weeks a month.. 10 months a year..

Rough estimations, but that is a lot of time spent in the company of peers (that aren't family). I believe that individual social skills can be taught in the home. The chance to be able to have them exposed, tested and strengthened daily in the traditional school setting that strikes me as lacking.

Many children grow up and integrate fine into high school/post secondary education without problems. But for some, transitioning can be very traumatic.. whether that be continuing education or the work world. Homeschooling is a unique experience in and of itself, and at times it is definitely the better choice, but I find it's best approached with an open mind rather than assuming that it is hands down the best choice always.

Answer 3

I agree that it is a gross exaggeration to say that those homeschooled will possess a lack of social skill that absolutely NO other student would show.
However, I believe these lack of traits may appear more prevalent in those who do not interact with other non-family members their own age.
I had a boy in my class last year who was homeschooled until 2nd grade I believe. I warned from day one that he was a bully, and didn't get along with others.
Yes, there are thousands of bullies in the world that were not homeschooled. But from what I have seen of this child, he simply does not know how to interact with children his own age, especially when they do not agree with him.
I also don't think that it is necessarily a "lack of skills" that worry people about homeschooling, but more the lack of experiences a child will have. There are great advantages to being around people who challenge your thinking, have come from a different background, and perhaps have a more objective view of your abilities and struggles.
I have heard of homeschooling programs that do allow students from several families to get together and go on field trips, etc. And I do believe there are times that it is a good idea to pull a child from public school. However, as a teacher I am actually quite offended that our government can lay such very strict restrictions on the education, training, and requirements that I must attain in order to teach, including passing Praxis, attaining a masters degree IN EDUCATION (not just any masters), and continuing to accrue knowledge and then turn around and tell any parent "sure, you can just teach your kid at home, I'm sure you know everything there is to know from Kindergarten all the way through twelfth grade, and you know how to explain it to your child in just the right way that he or she will understand it." But once again, let me reiterate, I have seen homeschooling programs that work, by including certified teachers (or retired teachers) in the learning process.


I'm sorry "Funschooling" but if you feel there is no correlation between the training of a teacher and the success of her students, then why do you think the government makes such requirements? I do think that if you have someone teaching a subject without the proper bakcground knowledge in it, the students will not fare well.

Answer 4

Teaching in the public school system for 7 years I witnessed large numbers of "socialized" children. Many people use the socialization term as an argument against homeschooling. I do not want the government or other children socializing my children. When I compare my observations of socialized school children and home schooled children the homeschoolers win out. Years ago families took on the role of socialization. Children played with their siblings and that was enough. Parents weren't running around making sure their children were involved in a sport every season. I would have to say children and parents had contentment which is something that is lacking today.

Answer 5

I have four friend who have been in home schooling there whole life. Im a sophmore in high school and im ganna tell u about myfriend Cali because shes one of my best friends and we hang out alot. Well cali started high school last year and she has bad social skills. She walks down the hall with her head down and her arms crossed around her books which is unusual. She doesnt really no how to have a normal conversation with people shes just met and freaks out around boys. Shes a backstabber the worst of any one ive met and just cant keep a friendship. Her sister is the exact same way and its due to homeschooling im sure. However, cali was one of the normal ones. We went to her homeschool partys where alot of the home schooled kids in the area would get together (i know its bad but really we went to make fun of them) not that i dislike homeschoolers cause calis one of my best friends but some of those kids were WEIRD. They lacked loads of social skills and some seniors called there parents mommy and daddy. I would say that homeschooling is a negative thing in some cases and calis first year at public school was tramatic but there are some "school" type things where homeschoolers go. Like a school for homeschoolers which is weird lol but if ur going to think about homeschooling try the homeschooling school so that ur kid can have more interactions with other kids. Hope this helped

Answer 6

Inability to follow trends in public school kid fashion is the only thing that comes to mind.

PS Some of the worst teachers are the most highly qualified and our federal government knows that. To determine if the child is receiving an adequate education, stop looking at the teachers and start looking at the students. There is no correlation between teacher certification requirements and student learning outcomes in private, public, or home schools.

Answer 7

I have a friend who cannot keep a job of any kind because she gets upset when the boss tells her to do something or criticizes her work and praises other workers. She was a good student and smart girl, but she never had the chance to compete with other people.
In college, I earned a ton of money tutoring a homeschooled person whose mother insisted on teaching him all subjects when she barely passed algebra in hs. He had decent history background, but had no knowledge whatsoever of math and science, except the stuff he crammed for the exam to get in college, so he couldn't complete the most basic stats class that he needed for a history major
I am not against home schooling until a certain age, or if the kid is very smart and bored in school. However I think that if I have to be honest, I will have to piss you off , and say that there are not so many advantages

Answer 8

I homeschooled in elementary years and believe my son gained a sense of self and a much better education than most of his peers...because the public school system is not geared for active boys. and I couldn't agree putting him througha 9 hour day (bus time included and then always have at least 1-2 hours of homework)Well without doubt the peer interaction is dramatically reduced if one spends their day with mom or dad and siblings,thus the problem-solving, communication and situational ethics learning /practice opportunities are increased. if immersed into the bigger group,..I decided for my son's developmental needs for peer group interaction that I would enroll him in an on-site public charter school that had a low teacher -student ratio :18 in a class about the same group from 6th to 8th... it was a high tech and performing arts focus school...it was a wonderful experience and really matured him, 6th was a time of adjustment and somewhat difficult... but he hung in there and now has friends for life that are really great kids. About 13 went on the 8th grade trip to NYC and Washington DC and Phillidelphia He saw the Phantom of the Opera and dressed in formal black and white... I let him go without mom as a chaperone because I really trusted the teachers he had....He went to Mexico and built houses with his youth group this summer and now I am so glad that he seems to have the maturity to handle himself well enough that I am excited for him to go to the regular High School where there are a great variety of sports and extra curricular activities and the yearbook and lots of musical and language options and someone else can take over at the Geometry level! Every kid is different and if you don't feel confident in the readiness of yours that is up to you. I know mine needed the show of confidence in him to make right decisions when I am not around and the opportunity to be who God made him to be totally apart from us, his parents, it was a good exercise for me to relinquish that control at that age appropriate time so that he can be a man in due time... I would not want to hold him back from his natural development into a seperate being who thinks on his own...my job is not over but I see it is changing as have to raise my eyes to make contact with his...only 4 more years...unless he wants to work and have a hot car while he goes to school and still live at home. I have a lot of mixed emotions but would recommend this to anyone though I treasure those homeschool years...I didn't agree at first but I decided to trust his judgement and my husband's

Answer 9

I work with home schooled people from time to time. They are good people, but they VERY SERIOUSLY lack personalities and I'm afraid their political views are extremist -- very hard right in nature as in Republican and they don't like democrats at all.

I've also noticed they do not like certain races or people either -- and my friends have noticed as well -- which is a problem too, because that mean's they'll never get together as a team. It makes working with them a bit difficult as they tend to be off to themselves all of the time and don't work very well in teams at all.

Answer 10

it must truly be hard for teachers to face that their training is pretty ridiculous and doesn't really prepare them to help others. they are the gatekeepers, the baby sitters, the conformity enforcers.

the fact is, homeschooling parents, even those without high school diplomas, are turning out homeschooled kids who score above the average on testing.

we've never used a curriculum at all, funschooling all the way! and our kids are brilliant. their depth of thought, independence of mind, command of literature and history, plus ease and joy with friends, just blows the need for teachers out of the water. Leonardo Da Vinci didn't need teachers, Thomas Edison didn't need teachers, and my kids don't need teachers.

On the whole, teachers harm more than they help. It's not their fault; they're just enforcing a horrendous system which we can plainly see destroys the desire to learn and creativity.

yes, teacher, the joke is on you - your profession is a sham.