How come men are still approaching me dispite my best effort to find and get a quality man?

Question

I am a semi- attractive (If I do say so and I do) female. All on my profile it states what I do not do. Still I get seven or eight guys every now and again trying to get the one night stand hook up connection. I am at an age where I have truthfully moved on from all of that. To boot more than a few don't even look good and the one's that do look okay think that I am going to give it up. I am beginning to ask myself what gives. In all fairness if any of them approached me on the street I might date one or two but not with the sex only commitment going. I am at a lost and wondering where are the quality men and how do I find one?

Side note:

All I am saying is being stuck with a man ugly on the in and out side is not good. I have been with unattractive guys that where as shallow as the fine ones I dumped. which was disappointing.

Answer 1

I once read this somewhere:

"The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice, and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have no money, are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have money and (thank God) are straight, are shy and never make the first move.
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

Haha :) While that maybe true in some cases, I think finding that 'perfect' mate is chiefly dictated by the places you look, the way you present yourself and how anxious you are to find that special somebody :).

If you want to find a mate suitable to your liking it would probably be a good idea to look somewhere that you think is likely to appeal to the tastes of your ideal partner. For example, if you're looking for an intellectual with interests in art and history, try visiting museums, historical sites or places that are likely to appeal to that sort. On the other hand, if you're looking for a 'man of god', going to church or other similar religious gatherings could be a good way of scoping for possibilities :).

They say we teach people how to treat us. I guess if we present ourselves in a manner that subtly demands a certaing level of treatment, we will receive it. By showing the men around us through dress, attitude and conversation how we deserve (and expect) to be treated, we can achieve a tremendous change in the 'quality' of man we attract :).

Another issue is keeping one's anxiety level at a down low which can be a tremendous aid when looking :). As you probably know, we can't afford to seem too anxious or interested because many times men want to be challenged and if we let them in on how much we like them too early in the relationship, we may be in for a terrible disappointment! Unfortunately this is true for many males, regardless of their 'quality'. Play it cool and easy during the early stages of the relationship; don't let your emotions show too soon and things should run smoothly :).

Well, I wish you luck in your endeavours :). Hopefully you'll find the man of your dreams! :D

Answer 2

I guess you have a profile on a dating website? I used to have them also and gave up on them. I know what you mean. I put specific criteria of what I was looking for in a man and I would get everything but that approaching me. My suggestion is to not take those sites seriously.

After dating a few guys that turned out to be absolute losers I made up a list of the 5 things I was looking for in a man.

1. A job
2. A car
3. His own place
4. No additions
5. No mental illness

Then I dated and if someone didn't possess all those attributes I let them go, knowing that he was definitely NOT for me. I was patient. I didn't expect every man I met to be this person. I would actually look for the flaws, not so that I could get rid of the guy, but because I didn't want to be in another relationship with a guy who would make sure the fridge was well stocked with the cheapest beer he could get so that he would have as much as possible at his disposal. Or a guy who still lived at home with mommy. Or a guy who worked simply to support the party 'lifestyle'. And then I met him. And now we're getting married in 2 months.

He won't be any where specific. He won't not be in a bar; he won't necessarily be in Church. You can meet him while picking up dinner at the market one day! Keep your expectations high, don't expect anything from anyone, and be open to people. The the worst that can happen is you get a free dinner out of the deal. (Though if I didn't like the guy I would ALWAYS pay my own)

And the reason why guys keep bothering you who obviously do not fit your criteria is these guys figure that the more chicks they ask the better the odds.

Answer 3

A guy friend explained this to me a long time ago. It's called taking a shot in the dark. Imagine a guy in a club talking to ten different women that walk by and giving them some mac daddy rap. Most would think it's cheesy, still, one or two might go for it and they end up doing the nasty all night long. Capische?

Finding a quality man is best when you find yourself first. That special light you radiate from knowing yourself and being confident will tweak a real man's interest.

Answer 4

I don't think you focus on your looks to much, you want what you want and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't listen to those answers from people blaming YOU for the problem. Men have been lecherous scumbags for thousands of years. Who you are and where you choose to meet men has nothing to do with their attitudes. You can meet a looser in church or a hot, smart, ambitious childless, respectable man in a bar. You used the word "quality" so I'm guessing you want the above traits in a man.

Dating sites don't work you can be whoever you want on line and did you hear about the woman who was murdered by her match.com date?

Your friends may have your best interests at heart but they will choose someone who is compatible with THEM and not necessarily with you.
My advise is to try volunteering. You may find someone who shares your values and ideals and that gives you some insight into their character and if they are drop dead gorgeous and intelligent- BONUS!
If you are in school you can use the same approach with guys in your classes.

Lastly don't become too "relationship happy", be happy by yourself.
and if you're lucky you'll get a hot quality man.
Remember, it's better to be alone than wish you were.
Good luck kid and remember you don't need a man to validate you!

Answer 5

I'm gonna type this answer into word and start cutting and pasting it.

Whats a quality guy to you? Have you sat down and really thought about it? If you haven't, take the time to actually get that image in your head. Is he good looking, smart, funny, Career, family oriented, both. Is he college educated or not.

Is he a professional white collar guy, or a blue collar working man. Is he self employed or does he have a job?

What is he like in bed. Is he giving slowly, or taking roughly?
Is he religious, if so, what religion and HOW strictly religious.

What are his politics like, is he a liberal or conservative. Is he an outdoors guy or a bookworm?

Once you've got all that figured out, and thats only a start. Thats going to tell you where to find your guy. If you need more help, pm Me

Answer 6

yah... i hear women who claim sex is no longer what they want....
that their booty call days are done.

ok. so you want the sex to be that SPECIAL sex with that one other guy.

look at all the roads you've travelled up to this very moment and see what leads you to this scenario in your life.

if 7 or 8 guys are wanting to bone down with you, it could be mixed messages you're sending out. or they just find you THAT sexy they can't wait getting your clothes off....

who knows why, but i wish i had that problem. i think you're suffering from the "grass is always greener" syndrome. don't worry about settling down because that will be a source of anxiety. if you're not in a relationship, than don't expect to be in one tomorrow. in the meanwhile nobody says you can't get your sex in while you wait and find that man. some woment like to force the relationship thing on a man and i think that's sometimes disasterous, so see what works. try it all, live your life in the meanwhile.

Answer 7

I think you're hanging out in the wrong places based on your goals. If you're in places where eight or nine guys are coming up to you trying to "hook up" and all they want is sex, I am really wondering where you spend your evenings. It seems to me the best answer is to allow your environment to mature with your tastes. Search for guys in more mature places than those you used to. Then you'll start finding the guys that act more maturely, too.

Answer 8

No matter how clear you are you are always going to get the ones looking for a quickie - just ignore it. At least it is easier to delete someone online than to say 'no' in person!

Plus look honestly at how you have described yourself in your profile - if you have focused on looks (like you did in your question - completely unnecessarily, I might add) then you will continue to get a lot of superficial responses.

Answer 9

You need to learn how to use that ignore button. There are some idiots out there that will continue to harass you as long as you allow it. Don't go searching for any men it will come to you and you will know that it is right. Take your time. Good luck on your situation.

Answer 10

Because men will be men and always want the hook up...just ignore them, and stand your ground. Never lower your standards.