I am at my wits end with my 9yr old daughter!!?

Question

she is just out of control no matter how I discipline her. Mouthy, disprectful, bratty. She travels between my home and her dads. She doens't like her stepmother and her dad doesn't pay much attn to her. Am I just her punching bag for her fathers home environment? I end up losing composure and control with her. I am the parent and supposed to set the example but I am only human and just want to ring her neck at times. It does no good to try and talk with her father. He only tells me what I want to hear and always sides with his wife regarding our children. Help.

Answer 1

I think just my opinion maybe you should get your daughter counseling so she can vent what her frustrations are. you are the closet to your daughter so any issues etc she will lash out at you first. she may be angry at the fact that mommy and daddy are not together anymore etc. resent the fact that daddy remarried etc. and that when she is there that daddy does not pay attention to her. at any age kids are definitely the test of patience and lets face it we are only human and can handle so much. keep up the good work and stay consistent. my niece was going through the same thing as your daughter and my girlfriend was at her wits end. she spoke to the school in regards to the situation and they set her up with a counselor. good luck and god bless.

Answer 2

Sometimes any attention- positive or negative- is what kids are looking for. How are you reacting to the behavior? Are there some things you don't have to react to, that maybe won't let her know she's "getting your goat"? It would seem that she's pretty affected by the divorce/having a step-family. I know I was! The unfortunate thing is her dad is not on board with you on what behavior to tolerate, punishment, etc. It would be great if everyone involved would go to counseling/therapy and work out some sort of agreement on how to handle the issue.

I find that not rising to the occasion on the bratty behavior and staying in control helps. If she knows ahead of time what the consequences will be, and if you follow through on your promise of the punishment and are consistent, that may help.She's back and forth all the time, so consistency and a feeling of stability may be what she wants. Best to nip it in the bud, and 9 is a great age, because they have "stuff" you can take away or things they want to do that you don't have to do for them, and it will be painful for them- at first- but effective. I don't think anyone knows the real answer to this question. God, if we did we'd be making fat cash off the self-help books and talk-show circuits. Just know you're not alone!

Answer 3

I was a live in nanny for three kids who were a bit on the bratty side. (ok alot on the bratty side but their mother could be reading this.)
anyway, the first thing I did was establish that if I said "yes" it meant "yes," and if I said "no" it meant "no." If they screamed, begged, threw tantrums to get what they wanted, then no meant hell, no! It didnt matter if they wanted a glass of juice, dinner, to go outside and play with friends, if they did not ask for what they wanted with manners, my response was an automatic no.
It sounds harsh, but kids need to know that their parent/guardian is not a pushover, and that our word is kept.
Which is why saying yes is so important too. If you say you will take the kids to the park, then darn well make sure you get to the park. Because broken promises are the beginning of being untrustworthy. And if a kid cant trust their parent, they won't be able to trust anyone.
Also, establish timeouts or other means of discipline and stick to your guns! It means you can be trusted!

Answer 4

She is a child and her family has been broken up, and a new person is with her dad when in her eyes it should be you. She is feeling very insecure and scared and lashing out. She doesn't need anger and punishment, she needs love understanding and attention and lots of hugs. This is definately a cry for attention. Show her more love, make her feel like she matters to you. Spend time with her, play games watch videos, cook , paint draw go to the park with her, help her with her homework just be there for her and let her know she can always count on you. Talk to her dad and ask him to do the same. Be civil to her dad, talk to each other and agree to always discuss things like 2 adults rather than shouting at each other or just saying what the other wants to hear. Don't say nasty things about each other to the children. However you feel about each other, your children love you unconditionally. Change your behaviour and she will change hers.

Answer 5

How long have you and her daddy been separated?? When did she first start acting up?? Do they coincide?? She is now the daughter of a single mom and may think that she has become "The Star". She feels like since she is having to put up with the separation and she is being tossed between the 2 of you, you owe her.

Sit her down and try to talk to her, not her daddy......you need to get some ground rules going that are not TOO strict, but within what you need from her. Be as understanding as it sounds you have been, but be stricter than you are now, and see if things change.

Good Luck, I hope this helped!!

Answer 6

n is right on the money. I know it is hard to be the perfect mom and maintain composure all the time. Sometimes I loose patience with my daughter, but then I apologize and explain that I made a mistake. These poor kids are just that, kids and we can not expect them to act in rational adult ways. You are in a tough spot, you are doing your best and asking for help. Love, and attention, and acknowledgment that grownups make mistakes too, are what she needs. She must be in pain, children just have no clue how to deal with it. When I was a kid my mom terrified me and I sure did behave, but I wish that she would have been on my side.

Answer 7

my daughter is 6 and she gets outta control when she come back from her dads house too. I know she is mad because he does not pay attention to her while she is there. She wanted to go swimming and he told her to wait til she got home, she got here and demanding things left and right. i have her in counseling now to work on controlling her anger. unfortunately she does not see me as the friend or rather someone to talk to. Maybe you could try counseling for your daughter. It helps with mine, and the counselor tells me what she finds out. not everything, but she does relate to my what my daughter express to her as a reason of being mad and what she can do besides acting a fool at home with me. It is slowly but surely getting better.

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 8

I think your daughters behavior has alot to do with you and her father breaking up.The she has to deal with step mom and dad dont care what she does. I think her dad needs to let you and him deal with your daughter and tell step mom to stay aside. He should'nt put his new wife before his kid. If thats the way its gonna be I would tell him if he wants to see your daughter to come to your house.Until he can get his priorities straight. I would just tell mrs. step mom to stay away period. I would take your daughter to counseling if I were you.She is going through alot of changes right now and she needs some help. But let her know you love her very much . I think if she had someone outside the family to talk to she would open up.

Answer 9

I did the same thing when I was at that age. The only thing that finally worked with me was knowing that my mom was always on my side. Finally, she said I could call her whenever I didn't want to stay at his house. If she is not getting any attention there he may not even notice.

Answer 10

Tell her if she doesnt straighten up you are going to send her to boot camp, or boarding school. that worked for me anyway.