Behavior problem?

Question

My three year old son is always hurting my 14 month old baby. Whenever he walks past him he will hit him or push him over, my baby only has to look at him and he runs at him screams in his face then either pinches, bites, hits or kicks him. I dont know what to do to get him to stop doing this. Please dont say for me to smack my child. I believe thats abuse and would never harm my kids in any way

Answer 1

Wow! Please! Please! Please! Do not listen to those other people talking about biting and pinching back!

First children do need discipline but discipline does NOT equal punishing. To discipline actually means to teach and when you pinch or hit your child back you are teaching them that it is ok for bigger and stronger people to hurt smaller and weaker people.

Now your son does need to learn that it is NOT ok to do these things to his brother. So when he does do it you need to quickly intervene, firmly tell him no, put him in time out or a thinking corner.

Now when your son is not misbehaving and upset for being scolded for hurting his brother you need to teach him the correct way to act towards his brother. There are several ways to do this. First, you can ask him to show you how he could be gentle to the baby. You can also role play the way an older brother should act towards a sibling with his toys. Read books and watch movies about older siblings learning to deal with younger siblings. And most importantly, when you do see him being nice to the baby make a big deal about!

Also, you can try to figure out why your son is acting this way. Unless your child is very verbally advanced for his age you can't just ask him. (Well you could ask him but the answer alone probably won't give you enough information) So, you need to think about how his life has change, especially since this behavior has started occuring. Has your son always done this to the baby or is this a more recent thing? Have things changed in your home recently (someone going back to work, a new sitter, etc) Sometimes kids do not like it when the younger sibling is getting their old things. They worry that the sibling will get all of their stuff. It could just be that your son is looking for mommy or daddy time. So in addition to doing the things above (which also gives more time and attention to your son) You can try to set special time aside for just him. Also, make sure that you set boundaries for the little one too! Don't let the baby play with the older sons special toys if this upsets your older child, make sure your older son can have a "baby free" space is he wants some alone time, etc.

Some of the parenting websites offer great advice too! One of my favorites is askdrsears.com. I hope that helps!

Answer 2

For one he is probably jealous my 4 yr old does the same thing to my 13 month old. He still needs to know u love him the same as before. Try doing something special with your son with out the baby. Sometimes they need a break also and a certain amount of your time every day w out their sibling to hog the attention. Also when he is mean to the baby he needs to be disciplined or he will continue doing it. Find a place where you can make him sit by his self for a few mins to think about it. A thinking chair is a good one let him no what he was doing wrong and how he could hurt the baby,also when he is ready to say sorry he can get up.

Answer 3

No hitting. All these helpful folk who are advising this need a little peace in their lives. Hit a child, and you simply reinforce the child's belief that it's okay to hit if you're bigger and stronger. And that's the problem we started with, right?

14 months on is a bit late, but nevertheless you should focus clearly on the older child. The younger child is filled with wonder about his world. Not having your attention for a bit isn't going to be too terrible. On the other hand, your older boy has just seen his universe reoriented, with the spotlight firmly and irretrievably removed from him.

(When we had our second child, we were particularly careful that the older child did not feel this way. We secreted gifts so that thoughtless folks who brought gifts only for the baby discovered that they had one for the older one too, after all!)

It may seem a little heartless to think of depriving the baby of attention, but believe me, that's not going to happen. What he needs, he'll take.

But it's your older boy who needs love, attention, and needs to be your baby. Let him. Then he won't resent his brother so much. Love is the answer, not spanking. Family is therapy.

Answer 4

I've had the same problem with my son, who is 4/5 and my daughter who is now 22 mos old. I never left him alone with her for a second because he would do something to make her cry or hurt her or push her, etc. Most of the time (when I'm not totally stressed out) I'll give him an automatic "3" and put it on the wall and then when he wants a new toy or a treat I tell him that he has to work off his "3's". Kind of a take off of the "1-2-3 Magic" Book. I'm sure it's just jealousy and not wanting to share "his" stuff, which is understandable. Time-Out's work too. Of course we all want our kids to get along and we want the older one to take the younger one under his wing, but that's never the case, or it would be a perfect world, wouldn't it!! Now my daughter communicates with my son and they play more together, but I always have to watch my son like a hawk because he'll grab from her or try to trade for something of hers that he wants. For now I would just separate him from the situation and then after he settles down, just try to talk to him and make him understand that the baby is "fragile". Best of luck to you, I'm just another mom going through the same thing and far from perfect! Take care! Pre-school, or some kind of activity would be good too, to get him off of your hands and let you and the baby have some alone time too!

Answer 5

He`s only three years old and he`s probably just going through some phase where he feels left out. So, let him know you still love him and that as a big brother he should protect the baby as well. Do something just with him. If he still does that, smak his backside on the spot. For something like this I don`t advice waiting. As soon as he does that, smack him just once and not too hard. He`ll get the message after a while.
Good luck

Answer 6

That must be a very frustrating situation to live with every day. I work for a pediatrician's office, and we see problems like that from time to time. No, I absolutely do not suggest hitting your child. He will never learn that physical agression is wrong if you are treating him with that same behavior. I suggest you look into some counseling for him. Even at his young age, there are therapists designed to work with these issues. If you are unable to afford that type of medical care, you can usually find some low income or free services through your local DSHS office, or through your local public health department.

Answer 7

I have a three year old boy and he went through this faze on hitting and kicking people.I couldn't understand why as I have never spanked him nor his sisters.At first l thought he did these things out of jealousy,but when l really looked at the situation,he would become frustrated when he really wanted to communicate,but didn't have proper speech,the strange thing is, as soon as his speech got better,his behaviour stopped.

Answer 8

Well.... if you think a spanking is abuse than I think you need to be pinched, hit and kicked. Your 3 year old son has no boundries and has no idea about consequences, which is what you've done for him. Congratulations....

Get off your "abuse" trip and notice that you're allowing your infant son to be abused by your 3 yr old. Busting a Butt isn't abuse. Chaining them inside a closet is abuse.... Good Grief....

Answer 9

Be a parent, not a friend. Show some backbone and discipline him. If you don't he will grow up and start pushing YOU around.

If you decide to spank, don't do it when/if you are mad/angry. Wait 10 minutes, explain to him why he is getting a spanking and then spank his bottom. Don't take his pants down (that WOULD be abuse). Hit him firmly on the bottom, once. That is what the extra padding is for.

Answer 10

he was the baby for awhile and now he has to share that special attention and he don't seem to like it. make time for some alone time with him. but you can't allow him to keep hurting the baby. when he does something bad to the baby, put him in time out and explain to him why it is bad. i think it is just a plain old case of being jealous. good luck