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can you please tell me a funny joke
nothing corny please. and you will be rewarded.
please and thank you!!

2006-08-09 12:30:14 · 7 answers · asked by nikki -nicole 3 in Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

7 answers

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

2006-08-10 20:41:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

2 Indians and a Hillbilly were outside a cave. One Indian went WoooWooo hollering int o the cave and someone hollered Woo-Woo back. The Hillbilly said, "What was that?" The other Indian proceeded to walk to another cave with the Hillbilly and told him, "Well, if you yell into a cave and someone yells back that means there is a woman in there that will have sex with you," The Indian yelled into the cave Woo-Woo and a ehco of his call came back so he took off running into the cave. The Hillbilly thought I believe I'll try that so he looked and looked until he found a REALLY BIG cave and hollered in WooooWooooo really loud! And a WooooWoooo came back to him so he ran in. Next day the headline in the paper read: HILLBILLY KILLED BY TRAIN!

2006-08-09 20:06:23 · answer #2 · answered by ruthie 6 · 0 0

Little Johnny's Mother's best friend had a baby. Sadly the baby was born with no ears. They were about to go see the friend and her baby when Little Johnn's mom said to him, "now Johnny, don't you be mean and don't you say anything about that baby being born without ears".

They walk in the house and the lady shows them the baby. Little Johnny's mom is talking about how sweet and cute the little baby is when the New Mom looked at Little Johnny and said, "Johnny, what do you think of my new baby"? Little Johnny said, Well, I sure hope he don't need glasses.

2006-08-10 05:03:27 · answer #3 · answered by buzzbait0u812 4 · 0 0

Finding one of her students making faces at the others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped quickly to reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told tha if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and it would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

2006-08-09 20:01:58 · answer #4 · answered by lovers fool 2 · 0 0

Once upon a time, there this lovely couples, lived happilied ever after. The End.

2006-08-09 19:36:18 · answer #5 · answered by Viety 2 · 0 0

Q: what do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?

A: walk him and pitch to the rhino.

2006-08-09 19:54:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Why did the chicken cross the street?
to get to the other side
lol HAHAHA
10 points please

2006-08-09 19:54:17 · answer #7 · answered by Your best friend 6 · 0 0

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