Relationship advice?

Question

I have been seeing my bf for quite some time now. and im happy in my relashinship however, there is a guy friend of mine that i have feelings for and i tryed to tell him i just want to be friends however i dont think thats what i truley want. i have tryed to stop talking to him thinking that would help howevr i cant seem to get him off my mind. i know its wrong but im confused upon what i should do. i am confused. can i get some advice?

Answer 1

I could tell you to follow your heart or to figure out who you really love etc. but those are generic answers and they're most likely what you have been trying to figure out for yourself already, so it's really not the kind of advice that is going to help you.

This is a very difficult decision to make. If you go one way, you maintain a good relationship that you are happy with, but you give up the opportunity to see if you would indeed be happier elsewhere. If you go the other way, you get that opportunity, but if things turn sour, it's very unlikely you'll be able to go back to what you had, so you need to think about a couple of things.

The first thing to think about is a cliche, but the grass is always greener on the other side. You ever had that thing where you get into a relatively long term relationship, and you begin thinking about how much better things were when you were single? and then you become single, and you really miss being in a relationship? You may be experiencing the same thing in a different way.

You might be seeing this other guy friend as an exciting new experience that is worth pursuing just for the fact that it's risky and a change of pace. You may be the kind of person that is secretly addicted to the pursuit, and while you are more than willing to settle down, you just can't help but miss the chase. What you really need to ask yourself is, if you give up your current relationship to pursue this, and it doesn't work out, are you going to be okay with that?

The other thing you need to think about is the relationship you're in now. Are you happy with the guy you're with? Or are you just happy that you feel you're in a stable relationship that makes sense to you? This is often confusing, especially for us young folk. While there may be nothing wrong with the relationship, and the guy you are with might be a great guy and model boyfriend, it is still possible that you're not happy where you are. Maybe he's not outgoing enough or just doesn't have the traits that you're looking for. Because you've been with him so long, you've become great friends with him and you think he's a great guy and you would hate to ever see him hurt, but there seems to be something missing. Again, a lot of times the reason people feel this way is because in reality, they aren't happy with the relationship, they're just happy they have something stable that makes sense and is convenient, and they're worried about taking risks. If this sounds like it rings true for you, it might be worth evaluating to see if this relationship is what you really want.

I hate to sound selfish in this situation, but when you are torn between two people you really care about and have feelings for, you need to stop thinking about who is going to get hurt, and start thinking about your best interests. You are the only person you have to live with in the end, so you need to be happy with yourself. It doesn't matter how much you care for someone, if you're not happy with them, you need to do what it takes to make you happy, even if that means hurting them.

Think about this, long and hard, and whatever decision you make, just make sure you can be happy with it.

Cheers.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

If you are truly more interested in the guy friend, and the feelings for him are stronger, I'd say your current relationship isn't giving you what you want. It may be hard to admit, because it seems wrong to end a relationship that is seemingly happy, but you can tell it truly isn't when another person can so easily dominate your heart and thoughts. You may be in denial that what you have isn't really what you want, because you don't want to hurt the boyfriend's feelings. In that case, it's time to move on. There's no sense in spending any more time spinning your wheels in a relationship that's not satisfying for you. Before you strike something up with this other fellow though, be sure and end the current relationship completely. It's hard to get dumped, but even more painful to be cheated on, so let your guy down gently and start things slowly with the other guy. New relationships are so exciting- savor every moment! Hope this helps- and good luck!

Answer 4

You Already Know What To Do, What Is Your brain Telling You To Do. Is He For Real And Does He Have Strong Feelings For You As Well. Now Listen To Your Heart, Is It Saying The Same Things As Your Brain. Only You Know What To Do, Only You Can Make The Decision, Weather It's The Wrong One Or Not.

Answer 5

First, you don't look so old as to NEED a relationship right now. So why are you getting into them so quickly? i think it's perfectly ok that you found feelings for someone else. HOwever, you should be warned that ONE of the reasons that you can't get him out of yur head is the fact that you feel that you can't have him cuz your current b/f. So expect yourself to get bored of him after you've already conquered him. I advise that you get to know this guy before you bite the bullet, instead of winding up dissappointed and alone.

I think that your b/f should be grown enough to understand that if you have eyes for other people, then being in an exclusive relationship isn't for you yet.

Answer 6

if you are happy with your current bf then ignore the guy friend.
if not, then be ready to lose your current bf by telling him that you have a feeling with other man and the following likely happen:
if your current bf really like you, he will wait for you even you already with this new guy, if not he will seek other girl.
I've been in the position as your current bf, she eventually choose the new guy and I seek other girl.

but most important is to be fair, if you can't forget/ignore this guy friend, then you must tell your current bf frankly, because karma does exist.

OK, I modified my answer after reading your previous question.
so assuming there's a newborn already with the current bf, then my advice is try to stick with current bf. Biological father is usually important factor for the kid's sake because there's a natural tendency that biological father would care more for his own kid than any other guy. Basically if I'm in your position, I would think about what would be the best for the kid first and then my own feeling second.

Answer 7

hhmm this depends what you really want from bacholer num 1, try going to a movie, or a walk in the park, get a feel for him in a one on one , your boyfriend may not mind if this guy is just a friend. get a gooidea of how he may treat you, but remember someone elses feeling s are at hand, becarefull with him. goodluck

Answer 8

Obviously you are NOT happy in your relationship even though you say you are. There must be something lacking if you are still wanting your other friend. Be careful, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence and you may just lose both of them.

Answer 9

Thats a tuffy.......well if your happy now dont change a thing. There is always going to be temptation out there. Its the couples who over come it, who stay togethor the longest and be successful..... Thats what makes a strong trusting relationship.

Answer 10

you are not as happy as you think in your present relationship or you would not be asking this type of question. So break up with your bf and check out the other guy. Notice I said break up then check out the other guy no cheating because the guy you want to check out might have a STD and you don't want to give it to your current bf. (STD) sexually transmitted disease.