What would you say to your boyfriend in this situation?

Question

Why does it my boyfriend see it as a pressure on him when....?
I tell him that I am afraid of loosing him if he goes to work abroad? He said he hasn't got the job yet and I already see it as a problem. He got upset with me because he thinks I want to influence his decision but that's not the case. I just worry about loosing him? Why do men see it so differently? He said that he regrets he told me all about it. I feel bad now. I never meant to come across as a selfish girlfriend but I wanted to find out if he actually considers me? He said I pressure him about it?
I am 28. He is 26. We are both living in Europe in 2 different countries already. He would like to go to New York City just to work for a while to see how it is there like. I live alone in my country, he lives in his.. we visit each other once a month.. It's hard already and that's why this is going to be even harder I think? Nothing is for sure but I have noticed that he talks about N.Y. a lot and I panicked?

What can I tell him now? He is silent now and probably feeling angry with me as he told me he didn't like what I told him?

Thank you all for your answers! But why did he get so upset about it when I tried to talk to him about it? and now he is silent. After the phone call yesterday, I haven't heard from him today at all? Should I make the move and say something? I worry though as he may be feeling angry with me?

Answer 1

LET HIM GO.. You can't put a leash on a guy's neck. Eveverything have to come from his side in order for the relationship to work. Men see it diff. b/c they're the main one in the family. They feel ashame if their women support them. New York is a big city. I don't guarantee how your relationship will work.. but who knows, after a while.. he probably will take you here to live with him :) .. Btw, getting a job here is not that easy thou since the economy's not that great. The company that want to hire him have to put a lot out for him in promise that he'll return to the country.. Well, that's all I can say.. Good luck to you babe.

Answer 2

I love you, and want what is best for you and your future. Go for it.
If he is already feeling pressured, you need to back off. He regrets he told you? Was he just going to leave? If he didn't invite you to NY, he did not consider you. Masybe he has to move to NY to get some space
He is going to New York, not Mars. He is not marrying someone else and abandoning you.

If you already see each other only once a month, who knows what will happen. You are NOT alone in your country. There are plenty of lovely people for you to hang out with. Like the lady who sits in the park, or the couple you met at the reading. Get out more. YOU might find that once a month is not enough for YOU.
Good luck!

Answer 3

ur boyfriend doesn't sound very .... nice. all he has to say is "honey, i'm sorry, i know u'll be sad if i leave, and i'll be sad too, but we'll do our best to keep it going strong!" or "i can't guarantee anything, but i love you and i hope that is enough."

ANYTHING!

why is he so mean, to completely invalidate ur feelings? just because u care about him? GEEZ, SO SORRY for CARING.

if i were u, i'd say fine, i won't talk to u about anything if u think i am "influencing" you decisions when i AM your GIRLFRIEND. and don't bring it up at all until he does. it is true, he may have pressure on his side and unsure of what to do. however, a man would never make u feel bad for ur love, for ur support and care. he should never turn it so it's ur fault. if he understood at all, he would know that of course u care about him and don't want to lose him, and he would be able to alleviate ur fears by talking and communicating w/ you. getting irritated and angry and impatient is an indicator that he doesn't think u are as important as his other stuff, which is a bad sign.

ok...and when u calm down.. haha. u should talk to him and explain exactly why u said what u did, and ur sorry for accidentally putting pressure, but u just need to know that he is including u into his decisions. if he isn't, u also have to know, because then u can decide if this relationship is working. key word is *communication*. if u don't have that, u don't have trust, and if u dont' have trust.. u don't have much of a relationship.

Answer 4

You have every right to worry. Considering that you two live in different countries and see each other only once a month, it is a miracle that you are still together. I'm sorry, but New York is a very wild and exciting place. Maybe you two should agree to date other people while he is gone. I don't see this working. But, then again, I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who lives in a different country either. Good Luck.

Answer 5

It sounds like the two of you have very different dreams. How long will he be in New York? You may eventually have to let him part ways. If he wants to keep this relationship and have his dreams, then you can try to work it out over a long distance. My brother and his wife lived in separate states, rarely seeing once another, for well over a year before they got married. It can happen. It depends on your love, commitment, and trust.

It will be hard. But tell him you are happy for him and his opportunity. If he were my boyfriend.. I'd tell him to marry me first so I could go too... =) But we've already been discussing marriage. Be true to yourself and to him.

Maybe he needs you to support him right now. Would you want him to resent you if he stayed? Don't keep him locked in a bottle. If it is meant to be, it will be.

Tell him you love him and will love him no matter what decision he makes. He needs to know there is love before he can discuss this openly - don't be hostile.

Answer 6

The chance that hes going to meet someone in a different country when your already in different countries is slim because your doing now what you will be if he gets the job but i do understand your worries so tell him about these and if he still has the same attitude then go with him if you can if you cant you will have to wait and see and if he doesnt want you there then go astray yourself because you have feelings girl and they dont deserve to be ignored

Answer 7

I think your fears are justified. The thing is you cannot stop him if this is what he wants to do. Maybe his actions should tell you how he feels about you and how much he values the relationship. If he wants to go then you should let him go. If you guys break up then that is what is supposed to happen. From what you have said it seems your boyfriend is more interested in moving to NY than maintaining a strong relationship with you. Those actions should speak volumes to you.

Answer 8

Your reaction is completely understandable. However, this is obviously an opportunity he's excited about, so you need to keep that in mind when you guys talk about this. Calmly explain how you feel. Say that you're worried that you two will grow apart and you don't want that to happen, but also tell him that you're happy for him. If you're not happy for him, you're not contributing to the relationship in a healthy way. But if you try to talk to him calmy and reasonably, and he is still hostile and panicky, he's not handling things correctly either.

Answer 9

well just tell him that ur relationship is already realy hard for u, being so far apart and that u feel that if her went to new york then it would be even harder and maby not even worth it if that is how u feel. cause if he realy cares about u then he will try to help the relationship by staying where he is and not make it harder by leaving and being even farther than he already is.

Answer 10

deer,you have to let him go if its meant to be. You can't stop him from going, he's not a possession. He is a human being, and if you let up, and tell him this excursion will make both of you stronger people. You, will truly know what a long distance relationship is like. And he will truly know if he misses you, and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.