I want to laugh, do you know a cute but cruel joke?

Question

Those are the best.

Answer 1

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Answer 2

A trainee pilot and a professional pilot went on a test run but the professional had a heart attack,so the trainee called for help and when he got a responce he said......
Trainee:The pilot has just had a heart attack.
Air controller:Ok can you tell me how high you are.
Trainee:How the hell am i supposed to know that.
Air controller:There is a Altimeter on the dash board.
Trainee:Ok i see it,im at 10.000 feet
Air controller:Ok now we are getting somewhere,what speed are you doing.
Trainee:I don't know!
Air controller:There is an air speed indicator on the instrument panel.
Trainee:I see it,I'm going 150 mph.
Air controller:How much cloud is there where you are.
Trainee:All i can see is tree's and fields,i think I'm upside down.
Air controller,What makes you think that,at first you didn't even know how high you were and how fast you were going so how do you know
Trainee:I can feel the sh*t running past my collar and down my face.

Answer 3

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

Answer 4

What's the difference between Star Jones and a hippopotamus?

One is a loud egomaniac who weighs a ton and makes weird noises but hardly any sense. The other is a zoo animal.

Answer 5

I recently shot all of Grandpapi's fingers off with a 22.
Wrote a best selling Novel about it called Grandpas Flangies.
Gona follow up on that book with a new one entitles,
10 reasons why Grandpa doesn't pick his nose~!

Answer 6

Consider this:

what did the drummer get on his IQ test? drool.


did u hear about the drummer that finished highschool? me neither.


did u hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car? it took 2 hrs to get the drummer out.

Answer 7

okay..........Cheney walks up to Bush and says "Mr. President?.....3 Brazillian people just died......."Bush opens his mouth in horibble shock....puts his head in his hands and starts shaking his head......"Mr. President?....People die every day, it's just 3 people...."
"Yes, but how many is a Brazillian!?"

lol........

Answer 8

confucias once say man who stick pen!s in peanut jar is fuccing nuts

Answer 9

I would like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, and not screaming in terror as I die, like the other people in his car.

Answer 10

what is a blond that dies her hair black?
artificial intelligence