there is a child at my daughters day care who is biting her and the other kids, what do i do to stop this?

Question

daycare and mean bullies

Answer 1

My son was a biter back in daycare and for a little while in preschool. He would sometimes even draw blood. I was mortified! The child was not being brought up in any kind of violent home. We had done everything right. And each time I got a call from daycare or school saying he'd bitten again, I just wanted to crawl under my desk. I felt so badly for the other kids -- his 'victims' -- and I totally understood their parents' anger. I would have felt exactly the same way if the tables had been turned.

I worked closely with his teachers and caregivers to stop the behavior. We tried everything we could find and then some. The last resort was to swat his bottom ... I didn't want to do that because all we'd be teaching him is whoever hits hardest wins, and that was the wrong thing for him to learn at that point in his development (or any point, for that matter).

Anyway ... we finally found a child psychologist who had some really creative ideas about how to approach the problem. One of them did the trick (classic classical conditioning ... long story), and he's had virtually no disciplinary issues ever since. He's 14 now, and well on his way to gentleman / scholar / athlete status. My point is that even though we had to get a little unorthodox, there's a solution to every problem.

There really wasn't much that could be done by the parents of the other kids in his classes, as much as they would have liked to put him through a wall (and rightly so). They expressed their extreme dismay to the school administration, certainly. I'm sure their concerns motivated school to be very involved in helping to solve the problem. I really wanted the school involved as well. We had to attack the problem from every angle. So be very vocal to any and all staff members at school. Let them know how upset you are about it. But please also understand that it doesn't necessarily mean the biter is a bad kid. He or she just needs the right help to get over the developmental speed bump.

Also, you can't necessarily blame the parents. We did everything right ... loved the kid profoundly and made sure he knew it ... gave him the emotional vocabulary he'd need to express verbally whatever anxiety or aggression he experienced ... got him accustomed to and comfortable with delayed gratification ... got him checked from head to toe to make sure there were no physiological factors causing the behavior. The biter's parents are probably just as upset as you are, if not moreso. If you want to get more directly involved in the solution, see if you can befriend the biter's mom. Have a few sympathetic conversations about what she's done to solve the problem. Give her some alternatives she may not have considered. To ostracize, accuse or isolate her won't help anything.

And finally, your daughter -- heck, all of our kids -- will encounter mean kids and bullies, and kids with other problems, all their academic life. Probably the best thing you can do is arm her with a strong sense of herself. The ability to stick up for herself, and even to be philosophical about problem kids, will serve her so well as she gets older. And it will keep her safe too. Bullies and their ilk tend to back off if the intended victim stands up for themselves and pushes back.

We laugh about my son's problems now. He does too. We even gave him a nickname for that period in his life ... Jaws. If this kid is surrounded by love (and not neglect or abuse), the solution will come. It's just a matter of time and creativity.

Good luck !! :)

Answer 2

The daycare center where I worked didn't tolerate repeating biters. I'm guessing from what you've posted that this child bites others quite often.

What I'd do is pull the director aside and let her know what's going on. Chances could be that the daycare director doesn't know. If the daycare director allows this to keep happening, then I'd talk to the place that licensed the daycare center. Other than that, I have no other ideas. Just don't tell them that you've contacted licensing.

All in all, it's the director's responsibility that if a child continues biting, that they talk to the parent. If they parent can't get the child under control, then the child is normally dissmissed.

Answer 3

I have been on the side where my child was the one that was doing the biting. My son was doing this when he was about 18 mos old. It was extremely hard for me to hear that he was doing this, and I know the parent of the child who was getting bit was very upset about it happening. Unfortunately, not that I am condoning the behavior, it is a part of growing up. This parent was threatening to pull his child from the home until he talked to other people and realized that this is very common.

What we ended up doing (that worked) was I gave the sitter permission to put ONE flake of red pepper on my son's tongue while he sat in "time out" (it killed me to do this but I knew the behavior had to stop). He did not like having it so after just a couple incidents he was done with the biting. He is now almost 3 and he is still not biting.

Has the daycare talked to the parent's of this child? If so, maybe they can come up with some kind of "punishment" for the child when the biting occurs. The red pepper does not hurt the child (as long as they are not allergic to it). I don't know if this is something that they will go for but it is a suggestion.

Answer 4

Biting is quite common among toddlers and is a very normal reaction for this age group. Children bite for many reasons. Sometimes they are teething and the biting feels good. Others seem to enjoy the strong reaction they get. Sometimes it starts out as a kiss and just goes too far. Most of the time, though, biting occurs because a child is frustrated and does not know what else to do. For example, the activity may be too difficult for the child. Or there may be too many children for the child to deal with. Or the child may be angry because someone tried to take a toy away. Because the child has not yet learned appropriate words or actions to express his frustration, he resorts to biting.

Things you can do to eliminate the biting.
CHANGE THE SITUATION.
Provide easier toys and activities for the child.

Provide more toys so there is less fighting over the toys. Buy more than one of popular toys so very young children will not have to wait long to play with them.

Decrease the number of children the child plays near.

Shorten the playtime, or watch more carefully to see when the child starts to "lose it."

TEACH ACCEPTABLE ALTERNATIVES TO BITING.
Teach the child to say "no" if another child is doing something he doesn't like.

Substitute a teething ring if the child looks like she is about to bite another child.

PROVIDE CLOSE SUPERVISION.
Stay very close to the child to monitor things, especially in situations where you think biting is likely to occur.

If the child does bite, immediately remove the child from the others. (Do this after you have checked to see that the child who was bitten is okay!) Briefly explain that biting hurts others and will not be allowed. If you consistently remove the child when he bites, he will learn that he must stop biting if he wants to play with others.

PRAISE CHILDREN FOR APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR.
Compliment the child when he is playing well with others. This will help the child realize that you value this kind of behavior. It will also help build the child's self-esteem.


It is also important to talk with parents. Talk to the parents of the child who is biting and the parents of the other children in your care. Assure the parents that biting, although it is serious and not to be tolerated, is quite normal in very young children. Explain why biting occurs and the techniques you are using to help the child overcome the problem. This shows the parents that you are knowledgeable about children and on top of the situation. Dealing with a child who bites can be challenging, but your efforts will help the child take one more step toward independence and self-control.

Answer 5

have your daughter take in a chew toy for this little brat to chew on!

I kid

No, you have to tell the people who are taking care of your child. that way, this child can be isolated from the other kids until the problem is resolved. Also, the parents of the biting child should be warned that if the child does not STOP biting, they will ask them NOT to bring the child in anymore to the daycare. Nobody's child should be in harm's way like this. I know I would hate it if my child was being bitten by some ravenous kid!!!

Answer 6

There is a boy who keeps scratching my daughter at her daycare too so I had a talk with the head of the daycare and the teacher because that isnt right she goes to school and comes home scratched up!

Answer 7

talk to the day care. Maybe they have set this kid in time out and talked to the mother that you are not aware of. I am sure the mother feels bad about this. She may have a strong willed child. Tell your child to avoid this child if at all possible.

Answer 8

Take her out of daycare if the provider does not boot the bitter. you do not want your child to develop the bitting skill.

Answer 9

1. Give your kid a big steel sword to cut that foo' up with.

2. Go up to that kid and tell him/her to stop. Nothing scares a little kid more than an adult that they do not know sternly telling them not to do something.

3. Tell the Daycare Superviser or the kid's parents.

Answer 10

Inform the day care providers that your child has bite marks on her and that is unacceptable. If they don't fix the problem, change day cares.