wedding stuff is stressing me out...and I have 2 freaking yrs! HELP!!?

Question

ok...so my wedding is just a little less then 2 years away, I've already had an angry mother over it (over funding this wedding, she was also mad that she doesn't know my fiance that well etc.--we had only been dating 2 months but we've known each other for a year)... ANYWHO--had bridesmaid drama 0--the one is getting really annoying suddenly and I don't know why b/c she never bugged me till now. and lastly the thing thats gotten me pretty upset was when i called my pastor to see if he'd marry me..he didn't seem too happy for me to be getting married.. or happy that I was asking. he informed me that I haven't been to church for a few years now and made me feel so small All of this has been taking a toll on me and bringing me down. ever since the words of me being engaged came out, NO ONE has seemed happy. except for a select few friends, his parents and extended fam, and my grandparents. what can i do to survive alll this, anyone go through similar stuff? just any help would be nice.

also..the pastor was like I GUESS I can do it..seemed cold..and due to limited funds, I don't think i could go to a different church. my wedding is on a tight budget about 7,000 give or take....so picking a different place is rough.. I'm meeting w/ my pastor this week w/ my fiance, and I'm terrified for that and for the marriage counselling to come from him..help me!

stop w/ the negative answers...only real ones please!!!!!!! yes 2 months of dating, but what does it matter when I KNOW I LOVE HIM come on!

Answer 1

Does your fiance or his parents have a home church that you could marry in? Keep your wedding 'on the calendar' at your church, but quietly explore reasonable alternatives. It doesn't sound like it will be too pleasant to work with this minister - perhaps he doesn't realize that giving you a wonderful wedding experience is much more likely to 'bring you home' than lecturing or making you feel small. Some community ministers perform weddings for a small fee - usually not much more than the monetary 'gift' you'd be giving your minister anyway. Check to see if there is a local unitarian universalist or nondenominational church in your area - they would both be respectful of your religious tradition, regardless of what that might be. Some churches have very reasonable rental fees for nonmembers and the minister would be happy to perform your wedding. You could also consider a local park with an inside facility - rental fees are usually very reasonable and again a community minister would have a low fee as well (often with no requirement for premarital counseling.)

Weddings can bring out the best and worst in families. You cannot make anyone else 'behave' or be happy for you - if you find you cannot tolerate this bridesmaid, you can uninvite her to participate at any point before she pays money for the privilege - be aware that this will likely sever the friendship.

Your mom may be angry more at herself than at you - especially if she wants to help cover most of the expenses but financially doesn't know how. She may be embarassed to say so (of course, it could be something completely different!) Invite her to lunch one day (you pick up the tab) at Her favorite restaurant. Have a nice meal, ask her about her wedding, and then share with her that you are excited and anxious and overwhelmed. Tell her how much you want to share this special time with her (if you do, skip it if you don't). Tell her how awkward you feel talking about wedding expenses and asking for money - that you don't want her to feel like an ATM machine every time you mention 'dress', 'flowers', 'caterer'. Hopefully she'll meet you halfway and will volunteer how much money she can give you - and then will give it to you for you to spend as needed. If not, ask her what she's comfortable helping with financially - again, you can't make her pay for anything, but probably she wants to help very much. Ask her if there are parts of the wedding she'd rather cover - pictures for instance, since that is like a 'gift' that she'd give you that you'd have forever.

If some friends or family roll their eyes when you start with the wedding talk, then leave them out of the discussions. Don't let it be hurtful to you over and over again. Just share with those around you who are excited and supportive. That's the response and feedback you need right now.

Finally - two months or two years, only you and your fiance know when the time is right. Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 2

Calm down there, it's way too soon to be this stressed out. I don't know how set you are on a church wedding, but there are other options, like getting married outside at a park or the beach. Right now, you need to just ignore people. Your family has 2 years to get to know this guy. Maybe everyone is a little shocked at how soon you got engaged to him. I am sorry they are not being more supportive and happy for you. Maybe things will get better as everyone gets to know each other. Just make all of your major decisions right now, like the date and location. You also have 2 years to regularly attend this church if that's what the pastor wants. Good luck with everything and just try to relax right now, you're going to be stressed enough when the wedding date is a lot closer. Just enjoy your fiance and get him acquainted with your family.

Answer 3

First off..CALM DOWN! Take a deep breath and relax!!

1) About your mom: she's paying for it, and she's worried. Can you relate? Talk to her like an adult. And she's right about your fiance, and she's right to worry.

However, you need to stop this childish attitude. Calm down, and readjust. You are getting married, and you're going to have a great wedding. It will come together.

2) About the About the pastor: do you REALLY want to get married in a church? Are there other venues you could look into? Try looking into other ministers. If you really want this pastor and this church, ask him about marriage counseling .

3) The one thing I've learned is that although everyone should be happy for you, don't expect them to be happy for you. You've even said it yourself--you've only dated the guy for 2 months. Can't you see where they are coming from?

4) You'll survive. You have two years to work things out. Try to make this wedding as stress-fress as possible, meaning to ease up on everyone and don't expect anyone to do or feel anything. As the date gets closer, everyone will feel ultra excited.

RELAX!

I'm planning my wedding. We've gone through...3 budget changes, 1 death, 2 lay-offs, 1 child, graduating college, and oh yeah, a major illness.

And you know what? Our wedding is stress free because we agreed that it should be stress free. This is OUR day.

Answer 4

I understand how stressful wedding planning can be, and I'm sure it's even harder when you feel like not a lot of people are supporting you. Just a suggestion.... since you do have 2 years before you get married, perhaps you could start attending services at the church where you want the pastor to marry you. You could also get involved with the church as well. Also having your fiancee as a part of this may help your pastor to see that you two are serious about getting married together in front of God. Good Luck to you....and relax!

Answer 5

What you need to do is take a deep breath, remember that this is YOUR day and enjoy the planning. If you don't, you'll be miserable. And trust me, if you are miserable then you will have a heck of a time with your relationship... and may never make it down the aisle!

I'm getting married in just over a year with a 21 month engagement. And honestly, it's been WONDERFUL! I love every minute of it (except choosing the DJ). If your family is not happy about it you have to take a step back and see why they may not be happy about it. YOU realize you love him and want to marry him. But traditionally, 2 months of dating doesn't give you any clue as to what a relationship is going to be like long-term. And you may be right about marrying him - but your family sees the other side.

I was with my fiance for 3 yrs before we got engaged. And let me tell you, I love him to pieces! BUT... things are SOOO much different now than they were even 2 years ago. We act differently with one another, our "annoying" habits are far more evident now than they were during the 1st year of dating,... other things come into play like money and morals and beliefs. There's a lot to a relationship besides love. So just remember that your family might be seeing all of those other things because THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH IT, you have not. Just remember that.

Answer 6

I am engaged as well, with far less planning time than you, just under 5 months now, and yes it is stressful the way I see you have only 2 options, hire a wedding planner, or get a close friend that's good with a budgets to help you, don't play the drama thing...it's your and your fiancee's day! A good wedding planner can help you come up with ideas that will fit your budget. Or option two, forget the big messy family affair and get married on you honeymoon. There are tons a wedding getaway packages that you can find on-line...I believe it's called destination wedding..try looking it up that way...you could easily do that for less that $7000.00.
My planning is becoming a nightmare as well, but for completely different reasons. My fiancee and I are considering the destination wedding, he works offshore so it would really be ideal for us, but it's not for everyone I know, but something to be considered.
Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 7

Do the marriage counseling. The priest at our church was not very nice to us either but we really wanted a Catholic wedding. After he met my husband though every thing was fine. He was not nice and asked us how often we had been to church etc.. We had only went once. But we stressed the fact that we want to raise our kids in a Catholic church and I think that won him over. You need to have your wedding sooner if you can. Think about it.. for the next two years you are going to be freaking out about this and you will end up calling it off. That is way to long to plan a cheap wedding. Just do it quickly if you can and don't give people time to complain about anything. If you really want to be married you would be doing it sooner. I planned mine in three months (and did all the Catholic counseling required, the priest made an exception for us to get married sooner since hubby lived in another state) and had over three hundred people there. It was nice because I had no drama, sure his mom was trying to get in the way of planning but I was way to quick for any thing to be changed. My bridesmaids were happy, bought dresses at Sara McClintok store in 1.5 hrs and they were all set. Easy quick and done. Cut the time and you will cut all this drama too. good luck!

Answer 8

Why is an answer you disagree with not a real answer?

You sound like you are very young, expecting others to pay for your wedding and planning it in such a whirlwind fashion.

It is really ridiculous for you to be engaged at two months, and doubly ridiculous to be planning a wedding that will happen TWO YEARS from now.

Please buy the book Miss Manners on Weddings, read it, take a deep breath, meditate, and then come back here and see what suggestions people have.

Answer 9

First off, if your pastor isn't enthusiastic or at least happy to marry you two, then your wedding wouldn't be nearly as meaningful. If you're going to have some guy just drone on and on, you should probably just try to find a proffessional officiant to marry you. I just got married and my hubby and I aren't particularly religious, so we had a reverend from a non-denominational "church" marry us. We had our wedding in my parents yard and rented tables, chairs and two tents (really big ones). You could have the main course catered or order and pick up (since your on a budget), and get all your salads and rolls or whatever from Gordons or Costco. We had a gorgeous wedding and TON of compliments for a total of about 3000.

Answer 10

Oh, how I wish I would have taken those little hints my family made to me to heart. Sometimes, the family and friends know what you need more than you do...Anyway, I digress. Guess what? The wedding is a tiny little blip in your life. It is just a ceremony. Shouldn't be such a big deal. If you do go through with this 2 long years from now ( a lot can happen in that time period ), please remember that the bow on the pew and the shoes that are an exact match mean NOTHING. A child and the way you teach them about what is important in life means EVERYTHING.