For a long time I've kept this quiet and I haven't said anything to anyone but it really is bothering me now.... We have a lot of friends that are well off, and whenever we have a party I notice that they are really cheap with us. Either they bring no gift or bring a very cheap (thoughtless) gift. Now it really irritates me because I am not like that with them. When friedns / friends have a party, I not only arrive with an expensive gift, which I try to really put a lot of thought into, but also something for the party (a dish or a bottle of wine, etc).
I am very generous with my gift-giving, I have given out large TVs, coats, fine jewelry, even boat cruises. And I don't see people coming even close to how much I spend on them! I am trying to "do unto others as I would like done to me" and I know it is the thought that counts but it is really upsetting me now.
Am I sending out a message that I do not see? Do people think I don't care about gifts? I can't expalin it..
2006-08-09 09:11:36 · 13 answers · asked by olivia6799 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You haven't mentioned how much you make, but I would tone down my gift giving to a similar level as your friends. Expensive gifts are nice, but unnecessary. Most people buy what they need/want when they have enough to make ends meet. It's all a question of priorities.
If you make roughly the same amount, is your gift-giving a bit over the top? You don't have to go all-out on every gift. I would save that for close friends and people with like-mindedness in the gift giving department.
If you make significantly more than they do, I wouldn't worry about it.
If you aren't making as much as they do, then why are you spending on gifts you can't afford? It sounds like you are keeping a tally. I think you should ask yourself what your intentions are when giving a gift.
2006-08-09 09:38:59 · answer #1 · answered by lisaleeschaefer 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you give expensive gifts so that people will like you. In that case you should learn that you as a person are good enough to be liked without the big gifts. A gift is nice, but it's not friendship. Stop giving the big presents and see how many of your friends remain your friends. Those are the ones worth investing your emotions in.
2006-08-10 09:29:17 · answer #2 · answered by chocolatebunny 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you giving gifts only because you expect the same in return? That is very material of you. The most important part of the gift is the thought. Don't try to impress people with money. Some people are not as well off as you think.
2006-08-09 09:48:02 · answer #3 · answered by emmadropit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can afford TVs, coats, fine jewelry and boat cruises you are wealthy enough not to care about people not giving you expensive gifts.
If you give parties hoping to get expensive gifts, then your main motive is to get gifts and not to give your friends a good time. If you want to be happy, don't expect anything. Or else don't throw parties.
2006-08-09 16:24:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps the people around you don't make as much money as you think. Or perhaps they don't consider you as close a friend as you do them. Or else, they don't think of the gift size or thought, just the opportunity to get together with you. I wouldn't be so concerned about it. Your rewards will be greater in the end, when their gift size doesn't matter. Don't hold it against them though. People often do what they think is best, even if you don't agree.
2006-08-09 09:18:32 · answer #5 · answered by mine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the problem lies on the other people, I think the problem lies within you... The reason is that you have expectations of others and you are giving gifts expecting to get something similar in return.
When you give a present, you're not supposed to expect something of equal or greater value--it's not a trade. You are looking at it from the "tit for tat" POV, and if you keep doing that, you'll be disappointed everytime.
2006-08-09 09:41:47 · answer #6 · answered by Kookoo Bananas 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
stop buying expensive gifts and you really shouldn't be upset about the gifts. thats not a reason to have a party
2006-08-09 09:50:39 · answer #7 · answered by Marygoroun(d) 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
'its the thought that counts' saying means that the gift givers have u in mind, just the gesture alone is an insult, its saying im giving out of political correctness which is no gift at all
2006-08-09 10:42:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be unintentionally intimidating your friends with your offerings. They may feel they can't compare. Your friend may think that rather than buy something you'll judge against yours and find lacking, better to go into the gift knowing you won't like it.
2006-08-09 09:23:25 · answer #9 · answered by trcunning 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can I be one of your friends?
People are selfish and rarely give back what they get. If you can afford to be generous, then by all means do so. If you are putting yourself into major debt with this spending, then maybe you need to re-think your budget (or friends)
2006-08-09 09:38:54 · answer #10 · answered by tequila_girl98 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋