If you were sexually abused as a child, how does this affect your life when you get older? See details please.

Question

I just found out my daughter's boyfriend was sexually molested when he was a child. He is a total loser, he is in jail right now for being a thief. Did being molested make him this way? Or is he just using it as an excuse for the way he is?

Answer 1

Well i went trough that sad and shameful experience....and i turned out OK....i made some stupid things along the way and i was a real neurotic teen....but i never did anything irreversible and I'm working now....finished college and about to enter a ms....with a beautiful son.......so i think u can survive it.....
Don't get me wrong u need counseling....sometimes u can lock things somewhere in ur head and think that's it....but when ur less expecting them to come back they do....this is stuff that therapist are trained to deal with....it's really hard that and individual solves something like this by himself.........and having the support of ur parents (even if they don't know u where abused) is a great part......And yes he is using it as an excuse....we make our decisions if he is there it's because he chose to do something that got him there.....no one chose for him......I hope this was helpful

Answer 2

Honestly, I was abused by a couple of people when I was a child and date raped when I was a teen. I am not in jail nor have I ever been in trouble enough to be considered a hoodlum. So from my experience I think it is how the person handles the abuse. And I think that if they can not talk about it the anger builds up and they act out. I guess I did act out in some ways by being a little more free on who I slept with, because my value as a human being was compromised. But, then at some point I realized that it was not my fault and that I could not punish myself for someones else's sickness (yes I believe it is a sickness) and I started the talk about the abuse. And then I realized I was the one in control of the situation. I was no longer a victim and that in an odd way I had become a stronger/smarter person because of what I had survived. This boy needs help and he needs guidance. So if you can be that person that shows him a better way to be then great(especially if he is in your daughters life), but if you can not be maybe you can just be honest with what you expect from him as a boyfriend of your daughters. So my thoughts are that just because someone took advantage of of this boy does not mean that he has an excuse to be stupid. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I so hate it when people use that as an excuse for something they did wrong or if they are now abusers them selves. I have been sexualy assaulted more times then i can count as a child, i have no criminal record or have ever sexualy abused any child , I am now a mother of 4 children and i am more protective of them then others are of there own and if any thing being abused made me more causios of my ways of raising my children and how other men are with me i have a wall that is heavily gaurded i guess you can say.Why would you want to let your abuser win and ruin your life you would want to fight back and become something they had tried to take from you a human being with feelings and love and to be caring something they r not. So yes it is an excuse and i appoligize for such a long answer i just so hate it when people try to use those things for an excuse.

Answer 4

How you live your life is completely up to you. It sounds like your daughters boyfriend is using it as a cruch. I was abused, both sexually and physically as a pre-teen and I am a published author, animal rescuer and advocate for victims of rape and abuse. In the long run everyone has to look at themselves and say "Am I going to let the actions of someone else control how I live my life?" If they answer yes, the product is what your daughter is dating. If they say no, you find the core of strength and faith inside. Tell your daughter that sexual abuse is not a good enough reason for living a life of theft and morally adverse choices. That's not to say there isn't hope for the boyfriend, but tough love is often the best way to make them realize they need to make a change. Good luck!

Answer 5

It is possible his behaviour could be attributed to the lasting effects of being sexually molested as a child. However, there are many sites on the net you can check to see what the effects of child molestation are on survivors of the abuse, sorry can't pinpoint you to one, I did search, but couldn't select a specific one.

Answer 6

Some people use it as a way to get away with everything. My uncle's barn just burned down and now he is using that as an excuse to get out of everything. You and your daughter should just go see him and talk to him as if he were your own child and if he dosen't listen he will eventually because he will learn that you really care about him. He also probably thinks people don't care about him , when he gets out of jail take him out to eat , buy him stuff , and just let him know you care.

I read this book Touching Spirit Bear and it taught me that you need to always try and you need to know people care about you. Read this book and tell me if you learned anything. You can also e-mail me at [e-mail] and tell me if he is doing better.

Answer 7

Not all people who were abused turn out to be a thief and go to jail but yes it does screw your life up. Different problems for different people but problems none the less. I have my own issues that continue to ruin my life still till this day.

Answer 8

I was abused as a kid but makes this no excuse for when you get older.I suggest counciling would of helpd him,Alsorts of bad things can happen when you get older its learning to leave the demons behind that matter and focus on the good things in life.

Answer 9

I was sexually abused by my cousin when I was a preschooler and by my dentist when I was 15. I grew up to be a law abiding person . It causes emotional issues but it is not an excuse to break the law.

Answer 10

I can tell you that I was sexually abuse by a family member but i will also tell you it all in how you learn from it. Some don't get over with it but I have overcome it and made my life better.
some do want other feel sorry for them.