who wants ten points?

Question

whats your best joke?

Answer 1

you and me will last forever.....

ha ha ha ha ha

i think u owe me 10 pts

Answer 2

13 Reasons to Smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.



Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.



How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"



I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."



Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!



Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.



Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"



And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Answer 3

Ok, so a blonde an redhead, and a brunette are hunting. they each are hunting different animals, so they all go out seperate at different times. The Red head goes first. hes gone for a couple of hours, then he comes back with a deer. the blonde asks how'd you get that? the Redhead says, well, i followed some tracks, and i got the deer. So then the Brunette goes out. he takes a couple of hours, then he comes back with a bear. the blonde asks, how'd you get that? the Brunette answers, well i followed some tracks and i got the bear. So then the Blonde goes out. its been five hours and the two are starting to get worried. then an hour later, the blonde comes back all bloody and beat up. they ask her what happened? The blonde says, well, i followed some tracks and i got hit by a train!

Katherines Joke Is Awesome!

Answer 4

U Kno Why They Call A Wonder-Bra A Wonder-Bra>

Cuz If U Wear One Then Ur Man Will Wonder Where Ur Boobs Went

Answer 5

Try this one....

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his
employees about an urgent problem with one of the main
computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number
and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes" whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the boss asked.

"No." the child whispered.

Suprised, and wanting to talk with an adult the boss
asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes" the child whispered.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a
message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "A Policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the
Policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" the boss asked.

"Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the
whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what
sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the
phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A Hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What's going on there?" asked the boss, now truely
alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered. "The
search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and even more than just a little
frustrated, the boss asked. "What are they searching
for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a
muffled giggle:

"ME."

Answer 6

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin' ?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

Answer 7

Mothers meeting with a shrink as a group. The doc walks around talking to the various mom-tot duos.
She says to the first : "Lady, shame on you. You have a food addiction. You even named your child Candy."
To the second "Lady, you are addicted to booze, that's why her name is Brandy. Gross."
To the third "You are addicted to spending, so you named your daughter Penny. You're disgusting."
A woman in the back starts getting up, pulling her son behind her "Come on Dick, we're leaving!"

Answer 8

A cop pulls a guy over.
Cop: "Hello, sir. You haven't done anything wrong, but I've been watching you and you are one excellent driver. I want to give you a $100 reward. There should be more drivers out there like you."
Driver: "Hey, maybe I"ll finally get that drivers licence."
Passenger in front: "Oh, don't listen to him. He always talks that way when he's drunk."
Passenger in back: "I told you we'd never get anywhere with this stolen car!"
Trunk pops open.
"Are we over the border yet?"

Answer 9

I WANT TEN POINTS lol so my best joke is... why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side duhh lol its like the best joke ever! :)

Answer 10

Okay, here it goes and I made it up, so no thieves!!!

There's this guy who's a totally great hunter-- when he uses his bow and arrows-- but he can't get his buddies to go out hunting with him, right. So he gets upset and packs up his truck with his bow and arrows and a whole bunch of beer and thinks, "I'll go bag the biggest buck in the woods and then they won't be able to laugh at me anymore for hunting with a bow and arrows!"
So he drives to the woods, sets up, pops open a beer, and waits... and waits... and waits... but the whole day goes by and he doesn't spot a single deer!
Disgruntled, he packs up his truck and heads for home, more than a little tipsy. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a deer runs in front of his truck and he hits it! It falls on the ground and he jumps out of his truck, all upset. But then he gets an idea-- if he props the deer up and shoots it with an arrow, he can tell his buddies he shot and killed a deer and they won't laugh anymore. So he wrestles the deer's body up on a stump and tries to shoot it, but the deer falls over and his arrow gets lost in the woods. Over and over, he props the deer up, but it keeps falling over and every arrow gets lost in the woods behind the deer until he has only one left.
Not wanting to take any chances of losing his last arrow, he kneels over the deer and tries to stab the arrow into the deer with all his force. Suddenly, the deer wakes up-- it wasn't dead at all, just knocked unconscious, though he was too drunk to realize it-- and knocks the guy over, running off into the woods. Somehow, the guy stabbed himself with the arrow in his arm in the process.
In pain and still very drunk, he managed to drive to a payphone and called one of his friends to come help him. While waiting, he drank some more to help with the pain. By the time his friend got there and asked what happened, all the poor guy could say is;

A DEER SHOT ME!

Answer 11

3 men where walking in the desert when one says lets have a test.
all you need to do is cross your fingers and your ride dose the rest.
if it poops in a pile.
you will lose and be sad for a while.
two liked it and befor he could talk,
his camel pooped before it could start to walk.
so one and three continued to go,
when one's camel gave a smelly show.
and three's camel, all the poop kept.
his ground was as clean as swept.
1 and 2 wonderd how for a while
and three showed them with a smile.
he grinned and pulled out a bin
pulled out a cork and sang 'plug it in, plug it in'