my brothers a total loser, confronted him about it, did i do it right?

Question

Ok so my brother is kind of a loser, he is 24 and has not moved out of the house yet except for a period of seven months but thats it. on top of that he has no job and hasnt had one in about 2 years and my mom gives him food cigarettes and lets him use the car whenever it is available. He also deals and uses drugs and has a prostitute girlfriend (escort). and also brings crazy skecthy people to my moms house. I just talked to my brother and confronted him what i thought about the way his life is going, I told him all this stuff he is doing is totally ridiculous and is putting our family in danger and he should move the f**k out of moms house, my mom says im too harsh but shes a p#$$y, and my brother hung up on me when i expressed my logical thinking. Did i do the right thing???what else could i have done really?he is not trying to better himself at all for at least 2 years straight.

i would like to add that the main reason i confronted him was because i was keeping my work van at my moms and someone stole it and all i could think of was whether my brother or his friends had something to do with it or not, i do not want to feel like my stuff or my mom is danger anymore.

Answer 1

This was prolly your Mom's issue to deal with you could have discussed with her first...

After he gets thrown out can I move in with Mom? Free life sounds cool...

Answer 2

You did the right thing. You should know better than anyone how he is. If he wants to be an *** about the truth that's on him. And that's why he can only get a ho for a girl. He does drugs and sells them and that makes him a bigger loser. That's my opinion. If your mom doesn't say anything to him he'll never grow up and move out. What was he doing for those 9 months he moved out? Is he giving your mom any of that drug money to stay there? If he sells drugs he can afford cigarettes and a car. Drug dealers make good money. LOL Don't feel bad about telling your brother off. He sounds like a loser.

Answer 3

Well I garuntee he already knew he was a "loser" before you told him.
Maybe you can talk to you mom a bit more and see if she wants to organize an intervention for him with all of his closest friends/family.
Sometimes people do need a kick in the pants, and you are obviously the only one willing to do that.
You did the right thing, but maybe it needs to be done in another way so that he knows that people love him and he is going nowhere with his life. Maybe he can spend a bit of his drug $ on going to a therapist once a week? Offer him some ideas, have a serious face-to-face (not over the phone) talk with him. Let him know you are serious and you are not willing to give up on him that easy. That should at least make him feel cared for enough to listen.

Answer 4

I don't know what is wrong with the first answerer...yeah you did the right thing, the only thing you haven't done yet is call the police on his @$$ for being a drug dealer/user, and committing crimes in your mother's house (for which she can be held liable for if she doesn't do something about it AND NOW). Your family is in danger because your brother has made some wrong life decisions. If that is what he wants for his life, that is fine, it is his choice, but once he endangers anyone else's life, that is when he needs to be called on it. You did just that, now, bring the police on his butt and restrain him from being around you and your family (including your homes). Who knows, maybe a few months in Jail and/or rehab might bring him out of it, usually they don't, but at least you will not be the one victimized by his life choices.

Answer 5

I was told the best way to tell someone something negative was the "Oreo" method. (I tend to be very blunt) That is you tell someone something positive about them, follow that with the negative, and then end with another positive. (Can be hard to do when you're angry) I find that it really does work. Other than that, don't make it any more your problem than it has to be. You are not responsible for your brother's decisions and only he can make the changes he needs to. His learning to do things legally on his own will give him a feeling of self worth. He probably feels worthless right now. That one of the pitfalls of trying to make things easier for others, you take away the opportunity for them to learn to cope on their own and feel good about the way they are coping. You can't MAKE your mom change, so just might be best to get the heck out as soon as you safely can. Is there any family that you can go to that isn't into these kind of things? My baby sister was like that, thankfully the rest of us were gone when my mother enabled her to be like that. Mom finally kicked her out, stopped all the bad stuff, but is having a hard time finding any kind of work because of her history. The longer this goes on, the worse it gets.

Answer 6

Yes, you did the right thing. But (1) it probably will go in one ear and out the other (2) It's really your parents' place to kick his butt out. As long as mom keeps giving him food, shelter, cigarettes and a car, he's going to be there for the long term. She probably does his laundry and cleans up after him also. Heck, he's got it made, man! Why should he get a job and a place to live when he's got it so good?

I hate to say this, but if he and his shady friends are dope dealers and get busted, or drive-by shooters and somebody gets killed, maybe that will be a wake-up call for your mom to get rid of him before he gets rid of everyone else in your house.

Talk to a reasonable adult -- maybe your pastor or someone you have a lot of respect for. I'd hate to see innocent people getting hurt because of your brother's shiftless and irresponsible ways. Maybe he needs to sit it out in jail for a while to realize he'd better straighten up and grow up. It's time mom quit babying him and letting him go through life as a sponge.

Answer 7

As long as your mother allows him, enables him, to continue in his destructive lifestyle it is extremely doubtful that your rants will have any effect on him.. I mean, seriously, why should he change? He has everthing he needs to exist and he doesn't have to work....

Of course this is short sighted thinking but your confrontation is unlikely to change anything. The really sad part is that as he continues to self destruct he is likely to take as many people down with him as possible, including your mother. And any interference that you put up will likely alienate you from your mother.

The first thing you need to do is make sure that you are well - physically, psychologically - so that you will be able to respond when you are called on in healthy situations. You can't help someone else if you aren't health. Then, all you can do is continue to check in on your mom to make sure she is ok.

I would avoid confrontation with your brother. I would lift a finger for him. Mom is different, as long as it is not causing me to destroy my life.

Good luck with all of that. You will need a lot of strength, that not generally found from within.

Answer 8

No you did the right thing. I come from the same situation. I have a brother who is now is prison because of that thing!
You cant say all you want and it most of the time wont do anything.
You can live your whole life trying to tell your brother to get a life and he might not here you ....ever.
Its my Dad and Brother all over again. The only person that can make anything change is him. He has to want to change himself to do anything. You mom needs to grow a backbone and cut the loving mother type. I understand she just wants to help him. My mom did the same thing. when reallly in the sense he is not helping her at all. She needs to kick him out and over time the popo will get involved and crap....but its mom and your brother that can make it happen.....oh yeah and you can just bring it to attention. Good job on your part but dont expect to much out of them. Live your life for you. Live it so good that people come to you for advise. people will go to you for guidence is your life is in control. Thats who I am in the family and will alway be. because I stopped trying to save the family and just did what I could do. Save who I could save.

Answer 9

You did the right thing but that is only going to piss your brother off and not help the situation. Your mom needs to stop getting manipulated and used by your brother. Tell your mom to stop fueling his habits and make him get a job or move out. As long as he is sponging off your mom he will continue to keep doing what he is doing. If she keeps giving him what he wants there is no hope for your brother, end of story.

Answer 10

I dont see anything wrong with what you did. What a mooch! And yes you're right, that does put your family in danger. Drug dealing, using , bring crazy characters over, thats not cool at all. I'm surprised your mom puts up with it. Time for him to get a reality check. I'm glad you told him what you thought. It wont change until your mom puts her foot down though, but good try.

Answer 11

Things can be that way sometimes... I think you did the right thing. That is the one thing about family, you can do these types of things. If it makes you feel better than do it ! That is what I say, He does sound like a real loser! Sounds like someone should have told him this a long time ago!