I had my daughter at a young age and was never brought up in a home where love was expressed enough and my mom was never there for me. Now I have paid the price for that and had a child at a young age. Didn't work out with father "go figure".
Since then I have tried to find "the perfect one" but where I live your choices are not that great. But I always find myself thinking that the man im interested in is also into me. Well I end up having sex with him and of course it leads nowhere. You would of thought that I would of learned my lesson by now guess not! This has lead me to being with 20+ men.
So I am wondering how often this happens to girls, how should I better myself? I guess the feeling of being lonely gets to me.
Am I alone!
What can be a great piece of advice without being rude please!
2006-08-09 08:51:42 · 41 answers · asked by chocolatesyrup101 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It is hard to resist sex especially after you have already started doing it. To find out if the guy is really into you try not having sex with him and see how long he sticks around. I have been through the same thing. I found my husband when I least expected it and I told him up front that I didn't want to have sex with him, we have been married for a year now. Having sex just to feel loved just makes you feel worse about yourself and you regret it later. Plus you could get a deadly disease from one of the losers. Try keeping yourself busy to keep your mind on other things and just believe that he is out there. Trust me I know that it is harder than it sounds, I have 3 boys (10, 7, and 6) and I have only been married a year. I had a lot of changing to do and I learned some stuff about myself, like I had to have sex to feel loved.
To the one who threw the bible in your face, you shouldn't throw stones when your house is made of glass. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes or sins, some things are easier to hide than others!
2006-08-09 09:02:50 · answer #1 · answered by just me and my crew 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is my advice to you. I think that you are trying to find love in the wrong places, and you are confusing sex with love. To me from what I read in the question is that you need to love yourself first and then wait for the guy of your dreams to come sweep you off your feet. So what you had sex before you was married and so what that you have 20+ partners. What is important is that you love yourself. I dont have a father figure in my life either and so I know where you are coming from when you say that you feel lonely. Being lonely is a good thing because you can focus on yourself and your child and get to know the person that you are and who you can become. I admit myself that I have a tendency to feel like if I dont have a boyfriend then I'm going to be alone..its apart of being a girl. What I suggest you do is wait to have sex with the guys that you meet, get to know them and date them and see where it goes. Also if you feel bad about how many partners that you have...just slow down. I hope this helps. Just e-mail me if you want to talk about it some more. Good Luck!!!:-)
2006-08-09 09:03:22 · answer #2 · answered by skyblu513 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on why you are having sex. If you are having it only for pleasure and fun, then there is nothing wrong with it if,
1. you using protection, not only from pregnancy but STD's as well. 2. You are being honest with the other person and yourself about what you want in the relationship. If you are looking for a relationship that will last, my advice is you should hold off on sex. Get to know the person. Watch out for any red flags. I'm sure you are a bright girl, trust yourself when something doesn't seem right about the other person. If you sense that he is not treating you right, listen to your inner voice and trust yourself. I recommend to everyone in your situation to see a counselor or therapist. That doesn't mean you are crazy, it just means that you might need help sorting some stuff out. Good luck
2006-08-09 09:06:24 · answer #3 · answered by magdalen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with sleeping around. What's wrong is playing with people's emotions and not being honest. If you don't do that, then it's all good.
As for your situation where you want to find a man, you are afraid of being alone. That's your problem. When you are afraid of something, you'll do anything (including tricking yourself or settling for a crappy guy) just to stop being "alone".
If you can get over that, and be comfortable and live an independent life alone, then you'll have a better chance of finding a better guy.
You can't expect finding a special someone to fix the holes in your life. You have to fix them yourself. The only thing a special someone can do for you is to enhance what is already good to begin with.
2006-08-09 09:04:09 · answer #4 · answered by evil_clown_of_destruction 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From a guys point of view, Stop sleeping with a bunch of guys! If you meet a guy who seems great just take your time. Don't be so fast to jump under the covers b/c I'll tell you 2 things: 1) Most men do not want a serious relationship with a woman who has a kid already (for sake of possible baby daddy drama) 2) If I go out with a girl less than 3 times and I get her in bed and she has a kid, I'm out man!
Just keep searching but don't give it up for a long time until you know for a FACT that he's into you and your child. If he's not, than find someone else... Until than, go online and by a vibrator or something.
2006-08-09 08:58:46 · answer #5 · answered by mike! 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The first thing you need to do is stop pointing fingers at everyone else and look in the mirror you made your bed so lay in it and stop making bad choices in men hell there are good ones every where you just have to look a little harder some times. And you can't just think about you being happy with your choice but your child has to be also. Now pull yourself up and screw your head on a little tighter and stop worrying about being lonely when you stop that the right man will show up. Good luck
2006-08-09 09:17:59 · answer #6 · answered by freeatlastboone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the average are closer to yours then many will admit - we live in such a time where relationships last less amount of time then a pair of socks. This happens because we feel the need to need someone and in doing so we disrespect ourselves we give our most valued parts and hand them away hoping this time will be the time but often we find that we have made yet another bad mistake. We must take a little time off from the normal dating routine and think about ourselves and how we should treasure ourselves more. how to not give so much of ourselves until we know it is right. Finding the right one takes time and learning each other. all the good and bad. being totally open and listening. making those earn our trust as we work to earn theirs and not jumping too quickly. Put away your past and live for the future.
2006-08-09 09:04:53 · answer #7 · answered by Savage 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I don't think it's a problem. But if you're looking for the perfect one, I've found I have to look in the mirror and ask "Am I the perfect one for them?"
Are you? Do you work out enough? Do you have a good job or are you working towards one and won't stop until you have it?
And yes, it's a sin - I won't kid you. I'm finding alot of things in the Bible, things I thought I'd never end up doing, turn out to be the right thing to do after all. (I always did have to go the hard way!)
2006-08-09 08:57:59 · answer #8 · answered by thedavecorp 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It happens more than some people like to admit! I would just say that next time you meet a guy if you want to see if he is going to stick around then hold off on the sex. If he stays without sex then maybe he could be really good for you but if he begins to start disappesaring then just get rid of him. It wasn't meant. This way you can weed through the bad guys without haveing to give yourself to them. Just be patient. I'm young but I've been through what your going through and honestly I got real tired of it so now I see if the guy is worthy of me by being patient with the sex. Even if I want to I don't!
Good luck!
2006-08-09 08:55:30 · answer #9 · answered by Nikki 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't sweat it. Guys have the same problem believe it or not. If i were you just be safe about things, and don't give "it" up until you absolutely feel like this guy could be the one. I dated a girl for almost 8 months before we even went past 3rd base, and it drove her nuts. But 2 things happened, it made the moment a little more special, and we both knew where we were going wasn't based on sex. Good luck :)
2006-08-09 08:58:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋