Here is the situation..This girl keeps making random passes at me but I'm not sure if I should act on them on not. Personality wise we go great together and can always finsih each others sentences and what not. The only problem is that she has a smoking habit. She also has a past history of drug use but appears to be clean now so far. Should these be factors in my decision or should I just go by personality because that is what counts the most?
2006-08-09 08:50:07 · 49 answers · asked by Ward T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's up to you. Personally, I abhor smoking. Also, the drug history is a big blemise on her record. You should go out with her because you WANT to, not just to please her. Another thing, about that finishing sentences thing? That is so lame! It's not because you're soul mates, or whatever. It's merely coincidence! Period. It is possible that you will decide that this person is right for you, but enough with the jaded finishing sentences, and all that other sappy nonsense.
2006-08-09 08:57:06 · answer #1 · answered by BonnieBlue85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing first. If she is a past drug user, make sure it is , and will stay in the past. Talk to her about that. If she did quit drugs, and is still clean, then cigarettes are her vice.
Depending on how long the drug use was, I wouldnt make a big issue of it right now if it was sometime in the last 2-3 years. If she has been clean longer than 2-3 years, then see if she wants to quit smoking.
There are 2 kinds of smokers. Social addicts, and physical addicts. I was/am a physical addict. I have been smoke free for 4 months now, but nicotine urges still whip me sometimes. I do my best to avoid it, and as a last resort, I will use a NRT. ( nicotine replacement treatment) gum, the lozenge, anything other than a stick.
The NRT's really do work. I used the gum, then changed to the lozenge. I feel 1000 times better, I really do, but the physical urge comes once in a while. Just keep a small stash of some NRT's around somewhere , just in case.
Smoking can be beat. People do it everyday, but you need to help her do it. Stay positive, tell her how proud you are, and just encourage her.
I wouldnt let smoking, if she wants to stop, keep the relationship from continuing. Do things like getting non smoking sections, do things non smokers do. Instead of going to a bar, go to a park and walk, bicycle, something active. Help her develop non smoking habits. Let her in on the plan, so everyone is on the same page. But again, ONLY if she is ready and willing to quit .
2006-08-09 09:22:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like what everyone else has been saying....Its up to you when deciding if you should go for it or not. If you believe that her smoking habit is going to be factor later in the relationship then I would recommend not dating her just for simple fact that this could lead to you loosing her friendship as well. Smoking is a bad habit to begin with in the first place. Personally I would sit her down and have a nice talk about her smoking habit and see if she is willing to try and stop smoking. If she is willing then I would give it a shot and see if you can help stop. If she is not willing then I would just leave her alone and just move on.
2006-08-10 04:54:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you. That's what dating is all about. If smoking is a deal breaker for you, then don't do it. If it's not, then go ahead. Your choice.
A lot of former drug addicts smoke. It's a different addiction, but still an addiction none the less.
As a non smoker, unless she becomes a non-smoker as well, the relationship probably will not go anywhere. People have divorced over things like that.
However, if she is courteous about her smoking, doesn't smoke indoors around you, uses mouthwash/breath mints before she kisses you, stuff like that. then it'll be livable.
2006-08-09 08:54:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on if you can handle being around the smell and the smoke, if you can't stand the way she smells or to kiss her because of the habit, then yes it should be a factor! Smoking is a turn off to me but, I have dated a few smokers and it didn't last very long.
2006-08-09 08:55:00 · answer #5 · answered by just me and my crew 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the past drug problem, I f you think it is something that will stay in the past then that shouldn't be an issue. The smoking, myself being a nonsmoker (but not being "prejudice") I think is more a personal preference. Can you put up with the smell,. It it won't bother you dating a smoker, ask yourself will there be boundaries wih her smoking (like in your house, car , around you...etc.) It just depends on how much you think her smoking will affect you.
2006-08-09 08:57:11 · answer #6 · answered by Mister X 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Smoking is an important factor to consider, as well as the previous history with drugs. You shouldn't put yourself in a position where you always have to police her behavior by asking her to quit for you. It will most likely lead to lies and resentment. If you don't like the smell of cigarette smoke, you should spare yourself the aggravation.
2006-08-09 09:18:21 · answer #7 · answered by m&m_manic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it should be a factor. It may not bother you at first because you will be so caught up in the newness.
But after a while, it will bug you and if you bring it up to her- all she can say is, "Well when you met me I smoked."
It caused MANY fights with my ex-boyfriend- he was a smoker when I first met him and I let it go. It ended up causing alot of fights- and I always wished that I had just stayed away from the beginning.
It all depends on how much it affects you.
2006-08-09 08:56:20 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs.H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They should be factors, because that IS part of her personality! If you guys were to hook up, and let's say you tell her NOT to smoke, i'm sure you'll get more than just a dirty look. And if you wanting her to stop is going to change her way of being, i'm sure shes not going to let it go that easily. That's something to think about.
2006-08-09 09:05:52 · answer #9 · answered by qtiebabie06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A smoking habit is definitely an issue. Do you want to be around this girl who smokes all the time?
2006-08-09 08:54:26 · answer #10 · answered by Steph 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋