Have you heard a good joke lately??????Please tell me....?

Answer 1

Redneck Quickies



Question: What do you call the sight of a plumber under the sink with his pants creeping down, exposing his crack?
Answer: Redneck Cleavage.


Question: How long does it takes a redneck to eat road kill?
Answer: It depends on how heavy the traffic is.


Question: What are the last words of a redneck?
Answer: "Hey y'all check this out!"


You know you're staying in a redneck motel, when you call up the front desk to say you gotta leak in the sink, and the guy says, "Go ahead."


Question: How do you recognize an Aussie Redneck?
Answer: You look up his family tree and most of them are still in it!!


Question: What do you call a New Zealand Redneck with 6 sheep?
Answer: A pimp.


Question: Why are New Zealand sheep so scared?
Answer: Because Kiwi Rednecks have got velcro gloves.


Famous last words of a Redneck: "Hey! I got it!"


Redneck ugly date test: Does your dog hump her leg with his eyes open, or shut?


Question: What does a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?
Answer: One way or the other someone is losing their trailer!


Question: Why do they throw **** on the walls at rednack weddings?
Answer: To keep the flies off the bride!



Question: How do you circumsize a redneck?
Answer: Kick his sister in the jaw.


Question: What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
Answer: A northern fairy tale begins with, "Once upon a time. . . " A southern fairy tale begins with, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this . . . "


NASCAR: Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks


Question: What does a West Virginian do when his truck breaks down?
Answer: He builds a house beside it.


What does a redneck call hitting a deer at 65 mph?
Fast food.


Who was the first redneck in the Bible?
Cain because he married his sister.


How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum?
Two. One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.


Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?"


How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married?
There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.


Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.


How did the redneck find his sister in the woods?
Not bad.


What do you call a room full of redneck women?
A full set of teeth!


How can you tell a rich redneck from a poor redneck?
The rich redneck has two cars up on blocks in the yard.

Five rednecks drowned in the Ohio river last week. They were trying to dig a basement in the bottom of their houseboat.

Answer 2

One day, a bear, a rabbit, a monkey, an elephant, and a giraffe went scuba diving. The following day, a fisherman saw what happened and he called the police. Then when the police came to the scene, they called the FBI. And finally, when the FBI came to the scene, they informed the president. Then the president arrived in the scene. He looked at the fisherman and said "Nice movie"

Answer 3

A five yr old kid gets on to a bus and sits behind a bus driver. He says that if his father was a father zebra and his mother was a mother zebra , he would be a baby zebra and goes on with different and thousands of animals. The bus driver gets pissed off and asks the kid what he would be if his father was gay and his mother was a prostitute. The kid thinks for a while and then says that he would be a bus driver. Ha Ha

Answer 4

Theres 3 guys who r good friends. They find a special lamp..adn rub it..then a genie came out. The genie said the next word you say...you'll fall into a pile of. The first guy says money..so he falls into a pile of money. The second guys says gold..so he falls into a pile of gold. The third guy guy trips on a rock and says 'Oh s.h.i.t!' adn falls into a pile of s h i t. lol. thanx for the points!

Answer 5

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2... but they have to fit in there snuggly!

Answer 6

how do you get a sweet old lady to yell out a curse word?
get another sweet old lady to yell 'BINGO'!