i have been helping a sibling and family all througout. i can't even save because they keep on asking for some financial help. i felt so alone recently because i joked about, "what if something wrong happens to me and will there be someone to take care of me, like illness or being hospitalized." noone answered and it clearly tells me that i am on my own to resolve my problem. life is sad. the only people that i thought would be there for me, are not gonna be there, i guess. pls. share your experiences, maybe one can justify that i am feeling wrong. thanks.
2006-08-09 07:51:27 · 10 answers · asked by mcbridematilda 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know how you feel but now is the time to look out for yourself, plain and simple. you can't go please everybody. sometimes you have to please yourself first and foremost.
2006-08-09 07:56:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not alone. My wife's family has leaned on us pretty heavy over the past few years. My wife feels a big responsibility to help, and she does. She has a big heart as i am sure you do too. Maybe you both will get rewarded in heaven. Careful though, it puts pressures on you or your spouce if you have one that you may not recognize the damage at first. My wifes family and other people in our life were so demanding of our time and energy that we didn't have time to ourselves that counted.
I have no excuses, and I am not blaming anyone other then myself, but I ended up having an affair and I think having our "old" life taken away from us by the pressures of taking care of everyone else had a lot to do with my stumble and fall. I ended up getting caught as all do and now we are separated. I'm heart broken and I hurt her badly. I don't think she will ever take me back.
You know what? Just this week we ended up getting her daughters (29 years old) car(that we bought her) fixed and taking some of the money out of our pockets to pay for it plus doing the running to drop it off! Even separated we still do it!
So to make a long story short(I know, too late), take care of you and your spouce if you have one. If you are being pulled down by others, there will be damage to you. All the people I have helped over the years are not lining up to help me now. They are being friendly, but that's about it. I know it sounds pretty negative, but I am pretty bitter about those things so don't let yourself ever be.
2006-08-09 15:10:30 · answer #2 · answered by Thomas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant keep on giving forever, you know! Something will break eventually, and as you seem to have noticed, if it is you, it means trouble for you then! I wouldnt feel too bad, but you need to have a little distance between them and you. Perhaps moving further away? That would make it harder for you to go out of your way for them, even if you did feel guilty about an issue.
Good luck - sounds like a crap situation!
2006-08-09 14:58:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not be taken advantage of unless you allow it !! It's not any one's fault but your own. These "family" members are using you and you are letting them do it. Stop being their paycheck and doormat. You cannot buy love and affection; why try? Find some good volunteer work you can do and if you have to contribute you might just run across someone who will love you for who you are, not what you can give. Make your own "family".
2006-08-09 14:58:07 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know...you do what you do. You are the rock there it seems. But...you also have to look out for yourself. Do you have insurance for yourself? Convelesence insurance just in case you do need to be taken care of over an extended amount of time. Do you have a will, that specifies who is entitled to do what with your holdings?
Cover your butt but do what you do!
What you are doing is not wrong and for goodness sakes don't put your family in a position to answer a question that they couldn't possably answer again! Look...you are taking care of them! How can you possably expect them to answer how they are going to be taking care of you in the future?
You probaly gave them "brain lock"!
Take care of you and God bless you.
2006-08-09 15:31:35 · answer #5 · answered by sunnyboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel the same way with my children. Well they are my step children. But I raised them and provided for them. We never hear from them or see them at all unless their hands are held out. It makes you feel used and mad at the same time.
2006-08-09 14:56:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
mine is kind of the same its long though, me and my husband had been married for 2 years and together for 5 I loved him dearly and we have a child. he was working, but has started to get in to the habbit of saving his money, it came to a state ehrn the man would starve himself because he did not want to spend his money, this had been going on for 1 1/2 years, he then started expecting me to pay for every thing, although I was on my student load which was just about enought to support me and my son, I thought the he was saing up for the family benifit, so I continued to help him financially although at times I always felt that he was taking the piss. our relationship was on and off we always broke up and made up, me always accused me of cheating and was abusive, but stupid me helped him, i even helped him pay of his debts and brought him the most nice clothes while I missed out. I spent around 6000 pounds on him, i always ran around for him when he was ill. Then one time i became pregnent again, I couldnt keep the baby as I was in a bad relationship had a 2 yr old and was at uni, me and him didnt live together but he was always around, he lived at his mums the days he worked nd sayed with me the days he was off work, as I was saying I became really ill in my second pregnenancy and at the time things were not good between me and him, I became so ill in that wee, and had too cope alone with my child, i was always sick could not breath , and really thought that I was going to die, and there he was on the phone swearing and shouting at me, and accusing me of cheating, i had to go through the abortion on my own. and at that moment I thought if I die or anything happens to me whs there for me no-one! I opened my eyes, but stupid me still took him back, there were times when I was ill and he never helped me, all he wanted was my money, he used me, i am in the process of leaving him but have really cut down on the money that I help him with, I dont give him any although the food and bills are on me, but its better then giving money too him, and thats what you will have to do, stop helping people, let them help themselves, I am trying to leave him slowly as he gets mad when I go, and stalks me and is violent, but i dont even allow him in my house either, keep firends with these people, but dont hep them , then you will see if they want to use you or not.
good luk hun tke cre stay strong, this is a test in life thats all, become a wiser person. my dad always said "once bitten twice shy"
2006-08-09 15:12:17 · answer #7 · answered by sweetlikehoney_73 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do too i mean i helped them out all their lives n they dient do the same for me in return my younger brotha calls me fat n im not bc i am 5 ft 5 and only weight 140lbs n he hasnt even seen me but im anorexic n he knows it hurts me so he does it anyho.. and my sista lets him when she knows that i cut myself when i get upset yet it dont stop them.
2006-08-09 14:57:35 · answer #8 · answered by devil_queen_biatch14 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is time to take care of yourself. just say no. if they ask why say to them "i need to take care of me first since i can't/won't rely on anyone else". sometimes mooches need to be dropped on their collective butts to learn how to take care of themselves. i did the same to my hubby who was depending on me for EVERYTHING, now he cooks and cleans for himself and the family. it was the best thing i've ever done.
2006-08-09 15:06:47 · answer #9 · answered by kirsty h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DOESN'T EVERYONE FEEL THAT WAY SOMETIMES?, I KNOW I DO. THEY WILL BE THERE FOR YOU; YOU JUST THRU THEM FOR A LOOP. DON'T LET GO OF HOPE!
2006-08-09 14:57:39 · answer #10 · answered by tas-okay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋