Okay this is gonna be a little long so I'm warning you now. I am 21 and live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my fiance and son. My mother also lives in a apartment with my sister and her daughter. I love them all to death but my mom has always had a problem with working. She purposly quits jobs and then expects other people to take care of her when she dosent have the money to get by. When I lived with her she quit her job and I had to pay all the bills which still wasnt enough because she started stealing from me. Well it's been 2 years now since I've lived with her and I've choosen to let it go. But today my mom has informed me that they are getting kicked out in a week and a half. My fiance is willing to take in my sister but not my mother because he knows that my sister is willing to pull her weight(she's also only 19 and works more then my mom). I feel guilty about not being able to take my mother in. Any suggestions as to what I should do?
Once again sorry this is so long.
2006-08-09 07:48:01 · 16 answers · asked by Crystal L 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
In reply to yes_its_me's questions: As far as I know there is no drugs or booze involved. My mom does have some mental issues, she's not mentally disabled or anything but she is supposed to be taking medicene. I dont know what her problem is exactly though because she gets mad whenever I bring it up.
2006-08-09 07:57:53 · update #1
She does this because she knows that someone will always rescue her - namely, you.
There's only one way to save yourself and force her to grow up - move out of town and refuse to let her move with you or to mooch any more off of you.
Best case: she grows up and becomes somewhat responsible, perhaps splitting bills with a roomate or boyfriend;
Worst case: she winds up homeless within a year.
You have to be willing to accept the worst case, or expect to add a guest room to the house you'll eventually own.
2006-08-09 07:56:10 · answer #1 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok, I hear you. My mother did the same thing when I left my marriage and moved back home for a while.
It took so long for me to get out of that situation because of her not working!
The only thing I might suggest is let her fend for herself.
No one should live with her! Make her make it on her own!
If that doesn't work, see if she's willing to admit that she has some problems.
It sounds as if your mother has a disorder, either depression, bi-polar disorder or (and I don't want to sound presumptive) alcoholism.
My mother is a self-medicating bi-polar who uses alcohol as her drug of choice.
If your Mom doesn't drink, there still maybe another underlying problem.
2006-08-09 14:55:11 · answer #2 · answered by DEATH 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I know she is your mom, but you have a son to worry about. You can no longer afford to support your mother. You are just going to have to explain to her that she doesn't seem to have the motivation to keep a job, and that is causing a strain on the relationship between her and her daughters. It's not that you shouldn't feel bad, but that woman is an adult and needs to learn to take care of herself. If she were older, say in her 60's or 70's, that's a different deal altogether.
2006-08-09 14:55:25 · answer #3 · answered by The Apple Chick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother is the same way. Unfortunately we don't talk anymore. My problem was I was never good enough but my money is.
I have to agree with your husband. How old is she? Is there any government housing around that will base her rent by how much she makes (forcing her to grow up and get a job). I'm very sorry that you have to go through this. It's not easy.
2006-08-09 14:55:44 · answer #4 · answered by Carey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your Mother there is nothing you can do, you have helped all you can and you don't have room for them. She'll either get a job or go to a homeless shelter. And stand your ground. Its called tough love. Now if she was old or disabled well that's a different story.
2006-08-09 14:55:22 · answer #5 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already been burned once. Your mother needs a hard slap by reality. Do not take her in or assist her in any way short of assisting her to get a job. It also sounds like a situation where there are drugs and/or alcohol involved. Am I right?
2006-08-09 14:54:29 · answer #6 · answered by yes_its_me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not responsible for your mother, or your sister for that matter. Don't feel guilty if you find that you have to say "NO". Sometimes love equals tough love. Don't ruin your relationship with your fiance because of your mother's problems.
2006-08-09 14:54:33 · answer #7 · answered by lynda_is 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel guilty. Your mother has come to the point of sink or swim. Don't let your mother manipulate you in a manner which will jeopardize you and your family. Tell her plainly and calmly that you love her very much, but that she will simply have to start supporting herself. Take care of your baby sister, I have two myself :o) Lots of luck, I know how it can be.
2006-08-09 14:55:26 · answer #8 · answered by J C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother should be able to take care of herself. If she can't, it is not your problem. If you do decide to let her stay, make it on the grounds that she get and keep a job. If she loses the job, she loses her place to live. If she steals from you she loses her place to live.
2006-08-09 14:58:25 · answer #9 · answered by startwinkle05 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should find a job for her or sit down with her and tell her, "look, if you want to live with me you're going to have to help out" i mean don't say it in a rude way but just explain that you have your own family now and you need help. but down the road when your mom can't work anymore i think you should take her in and be grateful for the years she has raised you...you're all family in the end you know? hope that helps. good luck!
oh i also think you should find out her reasons for quitting these jobs. are they legit and if they're not...well then tell her.
2006-08-09 14:57:43 · answer #10 · answered by wreckless_angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋