Why is it some homeschool groups feel their kids are "superior" to "public schoolers"? I hear that often.

Question

My former daycare provider, also a good friend homeschools her kids. Even though she didn't finish high school, she is their teacher. Recently she informed us that her son will be in the 5th grade this year, even though he is over 2 yrs younger than my son, who is entering 5th grade. I've done comparisons between the development of the two boys, mine is much further advanced than hers, an example of this is my son had to read the other boy's birthday cards to him this past spring, the other boy didn't know what the $10.00 check his grandmother gave him was. Does that sound like advanced intelligence, enough to skip 2 grades?

Answer 1

To answer the question, ask one more question - why do parents homeschool their kids in the first place?

a) They feel inadequate themselves and have past prejudices of their own.
b) They genuinely have encountered lacking public school systems where they feel and know they can do a better job.

In either case, it is the reason why they put their kids in the first place that forces them to think and justify their actions by claiming superiority.

Answer 2

Your friend may very well be lying about proper grade level or sort of forcing her son through grade levels. Or she may just be basing it on some testing instead of actually going with his abilities. Not every homeschooling parent is necessarily a good teacher! And while I don't think a college education is necessary to be able to homeschool, having had the gumption to make it through high school would probably be better.

I have to say that of all the homeschoolers I know, I don't know any who think their KIDS are superior to public schooled kids. Most think that the environment and education they are providing is superior than to what public schools here offer, but it's never been about their kids. Although there are times when there is discussion about some of the more advanced kids, it's not about them being homeschooled, it's about the individual kids. I actually know so many people now who pulled their kids because they were struggling in school that there is little talk about being ahead of public schooled kids. It's often talk about trying to help the child catch up.

Answer 3

Wow. You bring up some very good points. First off, you don't have to have any kind of degree to homeschool, so her not finishing highschool really means nothing, though in this case it might have helped. Second, did she say that he was in 5th grade in all subjects or just one or two? I (being homeschooled) was always 2-3 years ahead in math but 1-2 years behind in spelling. She might also be doing what is called 'un-schooling' where the parent just lets the kid do whatever they want and put them in whatever grade.

You are right though, many people have an attitude of superiority when it comes to being homeschooled. I grew up in a home where that is all my parents told me. THIS IS WRONG!!!! Now that I am in college I can see what my parents were trying to say. I do not believe I am better than people with a public education. I have done many papers, and have discoverd that public school students (mostly in jr-sr high) make their education what they want it to be. So, if little miss 7th grader wants to goof off in science, then she is CHOOSEING what kind of education she wants to have. With homeschooling, the student is under more supervision so the parent has one-on-one (or in my case one-on four) attention with the student so the student can't really goof off. You also need to take in to fact that you are comparing two idividuals where one of them is your son. It's really hard not to be bias in these kinds of comparisons. If you have any questions about homeschooling feel free to leave a message on my 360 and I will be happy to oblige.
wc

p.s. In this day and age, when everything is paid with a little plastic card, it is no suprise that the child did not know what a check was. Most of the time they only know cash.

Answer 4

I think it would be a mistake to make snap judgements about other people's children, and to claim that "some homeschool groups" do such and such, when what you really mean is "My friend".

To be honest, your question reads as a snarky attack on your "good friend" instead of a genuine question. Boy I am glad I am not your "good friend"...imagine how she'd feel to read this?!


In general I think it is a very bad idea to develop this sort of competition, all children are different.

Now, scolding aside, let me address the question of skipping grades.

First off, I have three very gifted children, and I mean that in the literal sense, academic giftedness...high tested IQ, advanced verbal and math abilities since a very young age, etc. You are probably already bristling at this, but I have a point, bare with me.

My oldest daughter is barely 8 years old, but reads better than an average 9th grader, and is doing 7th grade math this year. I do not consider her to have skipped a grade, though, but mainly that is because people like you would just think it was me "bragging" or whatever and see it as an opportunity to judge us. Anyhow, it makes no difference in a homeschool environment, when we can pick and choose many different levels of curriculum to fit the child. I could claim my dd was in any grade from 3-9, I guess, but it is easier to just say 3rd grade if anyone asks.

There are many, many other things that make her exceptional, but it is not evident every single minute of the day, or under every circumstance.

A good example is that she still can not tie her shoes!

Your son might have been tying his shoes since 4, right? So that makes him more "developmentally" advanced, right? But does it make him more intelligent? Or make her less so?

My point is this...I know a lot about gifted/advanced children, and I CAN NOT say for sure whether not knowing what a check is or not reading a birthday card *on one occasion* automatically negates advanced abilities in other areas. So neither should you.

I would say a 5th grader of any age *should* be reading fluently in any school environment, but we all know this is not the case. Some kids graduate from public high school reading at a 2nd grade level.

Now, if you have observed a **consistant problem** with his literacy and math skills, then you would be right to be concerned that she might be inadvertantly putting the poor kid in over his head, but if you are really her friend you should want to help, not tear her down by disparaging her education level and the lack of intelligence in her children.

That is not the behavior of a friend, or not any friend I'd care to have!

Sorry, there I go again. Back to your questions...

Yes, many homeschoolers create a superior learning environment, far, far superior to public school, regardless of their background or the innate intelligence of their children.

It's just common sense.

Here are some of the reasons why it's so...

~One-on-One time--

Your public school kid is lucky if he gets 5 minutes a DAY of undivided teacher attention, homeschooled kids get HOURS. That alone makes many kids advance faster and learn better.

~Homeschoolers teach to mastery--

In public school the teacher follows a schedule planned by buerocrats and aimed at the lowest common denominator, and she moves onto new material on a preset schedule.

Kids who miss something or don't understand still move on to the next thing on the checklist. Homeschoolers proceed at the childs pace, and do not move on until the subject is mastered.

~The homeschool teacher genuinely CARES whether her kids learn or not. --

She doesn't have the luxury of passing a failing kid off onto another teacher after 9 months, or blaming the parents for his failure. She is invested in the whole thing in a way that is impossible in a public school situation!

I could go on all day long, but it's time to get off my soapbox.

Answer 5

Sadly, some parents do believe that homeschooling their kids somehow makes them better than public schools. Usually because it means they have the money to do so. Though I see this attitude more with 'private school' children.

Anyhow, it isn't always the case. Most people with an attitude Asuch as the people you mentioned are home schooling for religious purposes or something similar.

Whoever stated that home schooled children are anti-social is simply uninformed. I've been home schooled since 6Th grade and I go out every weekend, have a boyfriend, and many friends. I also know many homeschooling kids who are similar to myself.

However, I do personally believe it is better to not homeschool your children until after grades 1-5. They usually have built relationships by then, and been taught to get along with other children their own age. The most common problem I find with children who have been home schooled their entire education is that they don't 'play with others'. Parents also don't seem to stress the basics as much as they should, which seems to be the problem with your friend.

Answer 6

Okay... I'm going to veer off from the norm' of homeschool thought ------- Grade levels are ambiguous and don't mean much at all.

The important question needs to be: Can they do the work? My children work through their math books one lesson at a time. The don't move into the next lesson until the answers to the equations are accurate. To be accurate they must first be understood. The concept must be mastered.

Because of our method; my students could have easily been labeled "behind" many times during their home-school journey. Their friends were in math books that were 2 levels ahead of ours. LOL --- my daughter and her best friend are sharing an apt. at college --- guess which one tutors the other? The one that was always "behind". She is able to master the concepts and therefore has a firm grasp on how to work out all of the equations --- I'm not bragging because it has nothing to do with me. It is all her own diligence that brought this about.

Homeschoolers that rush their children forward do them a disservice. Some like to "test out" of a level but this tends to skip important things that will need to be known in order to understand a future concept. Each lesson builds on another and if you skip a few lessons and especially a book or two you will not be able to do the next process without difficulty.

We use Saxon math. It is a perfect fit for self-teaching.

Answer 7

Coming from a Mother who Homeschools, this is an example of what gives us bad stereotypes. Development between children varies immensely. Your son may be more advanced in some areas and not in others in comparison to other children. Although I find it rare, there are people who do not instruct with a well rounded curriculum and therefore the children end up with gaps in what they learn. Just as with everything in life, people do things differently and it isn't always the best way or good. But don't let your example represent all Homeschoolers.

Answer 8

Some of them may be right, depending upon their child and the parent/teacher's abilities. But in the same way that all teachers are not masters at what they do, there are many parents who do not do a good job at teaching. Just because a parent cares more than a teacher (which isn't always true, by the way) it isn't enough to guarantee a superior education. Some parents care more about proving a point, and they are willing to make test cases out of their children in the process.

I know of many home-schooled kids who end up going to public schools for one reason or another. Some of them hold their own or do better than their public-school peers, but many of them have one or more areas of weakness (which usually coincide with the parent/teacher's weaknesses). Math and science are typical weak spots for many students. They may win the county spelling bee (because anybody can drill spelling words), but they can't factor a trinomial or balance a chemical equation.

Can't intelligent people agree that the best thing for one child and parent may be different from the best thing for another child and parent? After all, we will never know for sure. We can't look at a student and know what would have happened if we had made another choice.

I'm quite content to let my home-schooling neighbors continue to do so. It doesn't hurt me one bit if they feel superior or not. If they feel that way it just shows their ignorance that they cannot see that I also care about my child---I just choose a different way of showing it. I choose to send him to school to be taught by professional teachers who are well-educated in their respective fields.

Answer 9

Why all the one-upmanship? I was a high school drop-out, received my GED, went on to college, and now work as a registered nurse.

Last year we decided to home school our youngest son. Among other reasons our decision was based on classroom behaviors we were seeing exhibited by other public school students, and the fact that by 6th grade our child could not compose a written sentence or paragraph in good context. While I do not think my son is "superior" to other children, I do think he will receive a better education at home than he was getting in our local public school.

We are currently testing for placement with online curriculum and in some areas his scores are high while in others they are low. He will still be a 7th grader, although his reading comprehension is at a high school level and his mastery of composition is probably a 2nd grade level.

In public school overcrowding and understaffing was causing our child to be "dropped through the cracks". We are in hopes that with homeschooling our son will receive an improved education. The advantage is not superiority to any other student, but maximization of his learning potential in an environment that is safer and far more comfortable for him.

It sounds like the statement from your "friend" may have stemmed from an unspoken rivalry about whose child is better educated or more intelligent; a rivalry you are extending with private, and now public, "comparisons" of your son and hers. Perhaps your question is actually rhetorical in nature, and was merely providing you with an opportunity to vent your frustrations regarding the ongoing rivalry between you and the mother of this boy, but it over generalizes and makes a great deal of assumption regarding an increasing number of families, that for various reasons have chosen home school over public school.

Answer 10

Well this would be in this case caused by the fact that your friend didn't finish High School herself. She can't be bothered thinking it was her fault, as far as she is concerned, she was very intelligent, but the school didn't cater to her 'advanced intelligence', just as it won't to her son's perceived intelligence. As well, home schooling is never the best way to go, even more important than intelligence is the level of social interaction, and learning things from people your own age, and learning the lessons when it comes to screwing up stuff in a social situation, because you can better handle social interaction later. The whole superiority things come from his mothers inferiority complex, and her trying to live through her son...

Answer 11

1st of all, your question is aimed at *your friends * feeling that her son is more advanced than yours. This should not be aimed at homeschoolers in general. Across the board, that is not how we think. Fact is, many homeschoolers feel their children learn in a better (maybe even superior) environment. My child is no better or worse than any children who she would otherwise be in school with. However, her environment does allow her to learn things at her own pace. She's not skipped over because she didn't understand the first time - nor is she made bored by having to wait for those kids who can't keep up at her pace. She's not better - she's just being allowed to do the things she does at the pace she needs.

As to those who felt the qualifications to answer about homeschoolers and clearly don't have a clue as to what they speak:

I'm not a Christian, I however do not feel it's of any value to speak of any group with such an attitude. To this person that assumes it's the Christians who feel they are better than the rest - it sounds as if YOU have the false superiority complex.

Socialization Question: Homeschoolers AREN'T socialized? So, you think that a classroom of kids all the same age best represents what the real world is like? Isn't that what we are supposed to be preparing our children for? The REAL world? When I worked out of the home, in none of my jobs was I ever segregated by age! My friends were women and men of varying ages. One woman, who became a *very* close friend, is nearly the same age as my mother. Another good friend is 7 years younger than me. I just fail to understand how a classroom of all one age children is "socialization". My daughter has friends of varying ages. She speaks well with adults in our local support groups as well as those in the stores we may frequent during the week. She knows how to ask the librarian questions when we are there and has no problem with meeting and making friends anywhere we go. This from a child who is basically shy. Think homeschoolers are tied down to their kitchen tables? My daughter plays soccer, has two dance classes, has taken swimming lessons, has weekly playdates with a variety of friends and attends a myriad of field trips with groups from several of our local support groups. HS kids are as socialized as any in school. AND, the relationships with their parents stay great - even thru those teen years.

Serial Killers: Statisticly speaking, I'm sure there have been a few. I guess we just don't hear about them like we do the kids that go crazy and mass murder kids in their school. Columbine?

Why Do Parents Homeschool? : Because they know what socialization in the schools is like. Because they want religious control over their children. Because they see schools in their community failing other children. Because their kids are being left behind due to their child's particular learning need/requirements. Because their children are being failed by not being challenged enough. Because their child has a gift in some areas but needs extra help in others. As far as I can see - these are all excellent reasons to homeschool.

With all that being said: homeschooling isn't for everyone or every child. Many parents are too into what *they* want to do that they don't care to put inthe extra time to school them. Many parents are sheep - they've been taught that school is how to best control their kids so they institutionalize as instructed. There are parents who don't have the patience to learn to deal with a difficult child and shouldn't be around them 24/7.

Each parent makes the best choice for their family. Live with it.