my family makes me feel guilty?

Question

i've made plans to spend a week at home, then see my boyfriend. now my mom tells me that my dad would really appreciate if i could stay 3 more days, but that cuts a big hole in the time i have with my boyfriend. besides, i've already bought tickets and everything. but if i don't stay 3 more days, i feel like my family will hate me. i'll feel guilty, and i hate that. what should i do?

Answer 1

You have set time aside for your family and that is great. Now go see your boyfriend and have a good time. You have bought the tickets already and any reasonable person should understand that. If your parents dont, let them deal with their own issues but try not to make them yours. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

From a parents point of view, I understand that they do want more time with you but they need to let you live your own life.

Feelings of guilt will only hold you back in life. Do what you think is right in life, stand by your decisions and try not to look back.

There is no point in feeling guilty for being independent.

Answer 2

I'm sorry...but you didn't say how old you are and who was running your life!
If you are over 18 and are living your own life and have commited yourself to something else. Then do what you need to do! YOU CAN COME BACK!!!!! Can't you?
Didn't your family know this when you first arrived? Were they not aware of your departure date? If they were then why are they coming up with this three day stuff? And if they wanted you to do this they should have asked you at the very beginning when you could have made the changes when you had more time.
You have NOTHING to be feeling guilty about. Do what you need to do and enjoy yourself. Assure your family that the next time you put both of your heads together and work out a better plan for a longer visit.

Answer 3

Tell your family that you have another commitment and you don't have the time to stay this time around, but you are sorry, you want to stay, but I just have other plans that can't be changed at this time. Then offer to come back again or ask them to come up and see you. How ready are they to change their plans and come and see you on a moments notice?
Don't feel obligated to explain what your plans are---or who it involves---just reinforce--"Im so sorry---but it involves other people and I have already committed to other plans--perhaps next time. I love you, I really am sorry I can't stay....but I have to go home this time."
This way you are not lying and you're not being dishonest with them-- you do have plans, it doesn't involve them, and you are trying to work out some other arrangement that will fit into both of your schedules./ Good luck--it doesn't sound like the last time they will infringe upon your time, but be firm and caring in your approach and that way feeling wont be hurt.

Answer 4

First, I doubt seriously the family will hate you. You simply tell them that while you would have LOVED to spend those extra 3 days with them, you've already bought your tickets and finalized other plans. Promise to spend more time with them on the next vacation...and MEAN IT. As to feeling guilty, well that is normal. You are disappointing people you love, but life is about making choices and often between people who care about you. As you make a life for yourself, that is going to happen more and more often. You try to be as fair as you can, then be comfortable with your decision.

Answer 5

Do you live with your parents or on your own? I'm not sure if I understand your question right but I think you're visiting your parents and they are wanting you to extend your visit. If so, I'd explain to them the plans that I have already made, the tickets I've bought etc. and tell them to please understand that you can not stay any longer this time. Maybe you can go visit them again soon. Good luck to you. Just be honest...

Answer 6

Spend 3 more days, ur parents won't be around forever and u won't realize how much u'll miss them until they're gone. Besides ur bf ia probably just a fly by night thing, so keep ur priorities in order. Family comes first and if u can't or won't understand this, then u should feel guilty.

Answer 7

Boy, do I feel sorry for you. It tears your heart out to say no to your dad, and mom too. I am also a parent of kids who are faraway, and believe me after the three days they will want three more.

It is just that they love you and hate to see you leave. Unless your dad is sick or something like that, I say go ahead with your original plans and when you get home from your vacation, write or call them more often.

Answer 8

You don.t have feel guilty. you just tell them in normal attitude, you already made the plans with your friend,and bought a tickets for that week. I think your family will understand. one thing try to made them don't worrying about you and be happy.

Answer 9

Stand your ground and let them know that you cannot stay any longer. Perhaps, however, you can offer to do something extra-special with them. Go to church with them on Sunday (if you are a religious family) or plan a picnic at the park.

Just let them know that you are thinking about them and that you care about them, but that you are capable of making your own decisions and they no longer have control over your life.

They probably really want to see you, though... I doubt that they are intentionally trying to make you feel guilty. =)

Answer 10

dont feel guilty if you already have your tickets and already have everything planned out. talk to your parents and let them know what is going on. let them know you have everything bought and that on your next visit you will give/spend more time with them.