Be honest, please?

Question

This question is going out to the people who have been disabled from birth or the parents of a child with a birth defect. As we do not use our real names, please be candid and honest. This is also not a pro-life/pro-choice thing, please do not make it about that.

I have a child who was born with a defect that has made her life a living nightmare of surgeries, hospital stays, she is disabled, etc. When I sued my rat bastard piece of crap OB/GYN, I sued for wrongful life. If he had done his job and ran the tests he was supposed to run OR payed attention to my ultrasounds, I would have been able to have an abortion instead of having a child with defects. I know there are people who are going to be all self-rightous. Blow it out your ear!!! I have lost all my dreams as I have had to stay at home to take care of my child. My life has been destroyed and this defect has ruined hers. If you had a choice, Would you have been born? Would you have carried to term if you knew in advance?

Answer 1

I have a terminally ill child , requires a lot of care...Could have been diagnosed inutero, but never had testing...

Cant answer if I would have terminated, that was then this is now...I think everything happend for a reason...

I dont fault you in being angry...you may even be a little depressed...all normal.

You will probably experience all the stages of grief:
Denial
· Anger
· Bargaining
· Depression
· Acceptance

I went through them all too. Just know that eventually, it could take years, but eventually you will just accept it as part of your life and hers...and be able to deal.
I love my son more than anything..he is 13 and I am so glad I have him. I cant imagine my life without him. Even with all the sacrifices he has caused.

This is something horrible that has happened to you, but you will get through it.

I wish you peace.

Answer 2

I am neither the target person you looked for the answer this question but I would like to say something. I am not going to say anything about abortion or pro-life because that is up to the mother of the child. What I am going to say is part your reasons for wanting to have an abortion of your disabled child are completley unfair to your child. As far as saying she should not have to live a life like that, a "living nightmare" as you say, fine I cannot say anything to that because that is showing concern to your child'd agony, but as far saying taking care of your child has ruined your life, that is complete selfishness. A woman's maternal duty, the minute she has her child, is the put her child first and foremost over anything, whether or not if effects the plans you once might have had for yourself. Once you became a mother, your child becomes your life and I do not believe that a child or their disability can destroy a life, only add challenges to it. I don't mean to sound "self rightous" or anything I just think you should evaluate how you look at your situation.

Answer 3

you did not specify the level of disability that the child has. I have seen children that have no quality of life at all. They in turn destroy the life of anyone who is trying to single handily care for them. If such is the case I would look for a long term care situation. If finances are a problem there are state funded facilities. If all else fails you can notify child protective services that you are in danger of harming the child. This will force them to assume care of the child. Many people will find my answer offensive but I suspect those people have never cared for a highly disabled child. There is a reason that we nurses work three shifts and take lunch and breaks. No one human being can care for some of these children on a one to one basis 24/7 and remain sane. In cases such as this the abortion would have been a great kindness to all. If you don't like my answer I suggest that you go to your state pediatric long term care facility and volunteer for a month. Then tell me what you think

Answer 4

By all means, I would have terminated the pregnancy. Even after my daughter was born very premature (730g), I told the docs that if she could not achieve something like a normal life, I would request they withhold extraordinary measures.

Forget the people that issue pseudo-religious statements as it was meant to be. We live in a modern age, with modern tools, and they should be made use of. It is all an issue of economics and what the rat-bastard insurance companies will agree to pay for, also. But the insurance scam being perpetrated on this nation is another story altogether......

Answer 5

When I was pregnant, I was terrified something was wrong and there wasn't. I gave birth to a perfectly healthy little girl. I know I don't meet the qualifications of who you wanted to hear from but I want you to know I'm sorry things are hard for you right now. Try not to look back and think what it, Even though it's hard try to get strength from the good things around you. You seem really angry and I'm not judging because I would be too but maybe if you checked into getting onto some anti-depressants that might elevate your mood too and help you see a better light. I can only imagine how hard it is for you. Good luck to you and your daughter and I will pray for you.

Answer 6

When I was conceived, my mom was undergoing radiation. The doc told her there was a large chance that the child would have a disability of some kind. She didn't even have the tests done. I turned out perfectly fine. Tests can be wrong.

Answer 7

Hi
That's a really hard question and I've given it a lot of thought. If I knew the quality of my child's life was going to be horrible and she was going to suffer throughout her life (physical pain) I would terminate the pregnancy. If it were a matter of a disability that would not cause pain (Downs syndrome) I would not terminate the pregnancy. I hope you win your case against the doctor. Good luck to you, I will be praying.

Answer 8

We didn't. I was 38 when I got pregnant, on epilepsy medicine, and with diabetes, so they watched me like a hawk. We were thrilled that I was pregnant, but at 3 months, we found out the baby had Down's Syndrome. It was the most heart-wrenching decision of our lives, but we decided we couldn't force our baby to live like that. You have my greatest respect and sympathy for all you're doing.

Answer 9

My wife and I would have carried to term. We didn't even have all the tests done.