My mom- she's 68 - good health, except she smokes. She doesn't have a purpose to life anymore now that her 2 kids are busy, independent, husband died 10 yrs ago, no grandkids yet, no job - she just plays bridge online ALL DAY. I think she is asking for help - but she's so stubborn she won't listen - she wants an enabler (which I've been for too long) to say it's ok, be there for her, etc. (yes, I spend several hours a week with her). I am having a lot of my own issues right now - stress, slight depression, etc. I am no counselor. What should I do?
2006-08-09 05:49:06 · 6 answers · asked by CoronaGirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Have her join a bridge club. If she likes to play bridge. Ask your church, recreation center, senior citizens club. Anything but don't let her waste away. My dad did nothing but watch tv and he died one year later after retiring. Good Luck and keep an upper lip for your mom's sake.
2006-08-09 05:57:11 · answer #1 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your second line has the whole problem summarised neatly as: 'She doesn't have a purpose to life anymore now.'
From what you're said, she doesn't sound like the kind of person who'll respond well to generic prompting like 'get out of the house more, take up a new hobby, etc.'
Even if your realtionship with her is healthy, your 'stubborn' comment seems to indicate that she might not like these suggestions coming from her own daughter.
What if a friend of her own age got her involved?
A woman who is 68 must have lived a rich, long life.
Use the internet's many sites such as friendsreunited.co.uk (if you're in the UK - there are many of these all over the world) to track down her friends from almost any job, school or organisation she's belonged to in her life.
It would make a beautiful birthday present if you secretly tracked down 3-4 people she hasn't seen in decades (living in her area or within driving distance) and arranged a surprise party for her.
Hopefully, after that the social interaction will begin and you can step back, having been just a catalyst.
PS - One more suggestion, and I'm not just saying this because I'm a dog - could a pet fill the void in the life left by your departure?
2006-08-09 06:04:53 · answer #2 · answered by Bowzer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a retired mental health practitioner for 20+ years, from what you give in your account, I can tell you the answer is easy. Spend LESS TIME with her. Every hour you're spending with her, you're being the enabler she wants. And remember, if she wants an enabler, then you're saying that you too are a member of a dysfuncitonal family, and you're having as much a hard time breaking from that pattern as she is. She is 68 and she's made her choices. You aren't going to change them. Only she will, so GIT!! You're just prolonging the depression and dysfunction as long as you come in and entertain her. And some of that depression may be your own, from watching another member of a dysfunctional family. If you're providing some legitimately necessary living assistance or such, okay, but then, LEAVE!! You're not helping matters. And you might want to go visit a counselor for your own issues of having been raised in such a family. God Bless you.
2006-08-09 05:59:08 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of programs for people who need 'companions' for their eldery relatives... although my Mom sees my Grandma several hours a week she also hired a person from the community to come and spend time with my Grandma, take her shopping, play cards, etc... maybe your Mom is just feeling lonely and needs someone to do fun activities with. Maybe she would like the company of a cat or dog! Having a pet to take care of would give her purpose again!
2006-08-09 05:53:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm thinking exercise. It's not only good for the body but for the mind and soul as well. If she is mobile, try getting out for a walk when you visit her. It doesn't have to be a sprint or anything. Talk to the neighbors, even if it is just to say hello. Admire peoples gardens, and watch for birds and even peoples pets sitting on porches. If you live in a more urban area than this (and I have) I looked for anything of beauty.
2006-08-09 05:57:29 · answer #5 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to never leave her alone, listen to her and try to keep her busy. Maybe if she study something like how to make paintings, cook or to do another things like that. Make her feel good, try to take her out of the house. If you cannot do that because you're busy, try to talk with her friends, brothers or sisters or even to some people from the church she use/used to go.
2006-08-09 06:04:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋