bridesmaid problem?

Question

i'm not getting married for another year, but already i'm changin my mind bout the woman i asked to be my maid of honor. she's bipolar and has recently decided to go off her meds. i love her to death but i don't want her to be in my weddin and havin episodes. how can i let her know that i changed my mind without hurtin her feelin's too much. i know it's gonna piss her off no matter what, i just dunno the nicest way to go bout it

she hasn't spoken to her doctor bout goin off her meds. she's refusin to even see a doctor bout her bipolar. she doesn't even know that much bout the disease and isn't makin an effort to learn

Answer 1

Hi Red! yikes, you do have a potentially sticky situation on your hands, don't you? Since it's a year away, I say tell her now & then she can have a year to get over it. You don't want the wedding ruined & having a loose cannon on hand is a recipe for disaster! Don't give her any reason & don't mention replacements; I'd just tell her that since it's so far away still, you are re-thinking all of your plans. She ought to be okay with that.
Hang in there & do what you gotta do - I just wish she would get the help she needs so she could be happier. Good luck!!

Answer 2

First, you are going to hurt her feelings if you asked her to be your maid of honor and you now don't even want her in the wedding.
Next, remember that honesty is the best policy. If you know she is off her meds, sit down frankly and say to her, "Look, being in a wedding is a big stress and expense, and since you've decided to try and handle your medical problem drug free, I don't want to add to your stress by being in the wedding party. You know I love you, and I want you to be at my wedding, but I am concerned that it will get to be overwhelming for you when the showers and fittings and everything start happening. When you were taking your meds, I figured you had things under control, and it would be okay for you, but I'm worried about your health now, and that's more important than my wedding."

Answer 3

You can't take it back without permanently affecting your relationship with her. If you want to risk losing her as a friend, then tell her you've changed your mind. Ideally, either your or your fiance have a sister to promote to MOH. Your friend will be much more understanding if she's ditched for a sister than if she's ditched for another friend.

Remember, though, that you might permanently ruin your friendship. If you're not prepared for this, then you're going to have to suck it up and stand by your original decision.

But it doesn't sound like you're too much of a friend to her, if you want her to continue drugging herself when it might be counterproductive to her mental health (meds aren't always best, and she and her doctor know best) just so she doesn't embarrass you at your wedding. It might be a very big, important day for you, but it's still only a day; this is her life, and she needs friends who are going to stand by her and support her rather than toss her aside when she doesn't do what you want her to.

Answer 4

theres no nice way to go about, i have had similar problems with picking bridesmaids and hurting feelings but luckily if they are really your friend then they understand and still love you. Also it is good that you have a year, maybe by then you will be closer to someone else and she would understand more. Or if you have a realitive you wanted to be a bridesmaid, have her be your moh, shed have to understand that. If you are that worried about it, these seem like your only options other then just telling her.
Or just keep her as your moh and tell her how you feel, I bet she would do whatever it takes to keep your special day special for you! And if not then she definatly doesnt need to be your maid of honor. I hope that made sense! lol

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 5

A friend of mine had to "let go" of a bridesmaid in her wedding cuz the gal was not only doing cocaine, but was lying about it. It really really sucked, but believe it or not, a year and a half later they are rebuilding their friendship. (And the gal is off the drugs.)

I would start by talking to her about her situation with the meds and whatnot. Find out from her mouth exactly what she's doing and why. Tell her your concerns for her health and then very delicately point out that you aren't comfortable with the situation in regards to your wedding. This is about her only in that you are concerned for her health and well-being. (What I mean is that you are not judging her or punishing her for her actions.) This is about you in the fact that weddings are stressful and you won't have time to cater to the needs of her swings. (Of course, you don't tell her THAT part.)

Do the two of you have a mutual friend who you could talk? A fresh but informed perspective could be helpful here.

Answer 6

you need to remember that this your day no one else's.. if you want to drop her. drop her.. her feelings will be hurt but she will get over itl.