My fincee and I moved back to our hometown almost a month ago. And ever since then he has reconnected with his best friend from elementary (who happens to be the husband of one of my bf's) But he has being going over to there house EVERYDAY! We ride to work together and thats about the only time i see him anymore, I have tryed talking to him but it doesnt seem to help. He stays out till 3 or 4 in the morning. Then goes to work @ 6. Except the past 3 days he hasnt gone into work. I dont know what is going on with him, he gets a little angry when I try to confront him.He is losing sight of what is important. I dont know weather its a phase because hes rekindled a new friendship or weather I am going to live my life second next to his friend. The wedding is less then two months away, i love him. I dont know what to do. someone help please advice please!!!~!!!!!!
2006-08-09 05:04:35 · 14 answers · asked by Heather T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
im sorry i left out a big thing. ITS ALL ABOUT THE DAMN VIDEO GAMES! He even spent money he shouldnt have on a ps2. Does he love the video games more then me?!
2006-08-09 05:28:51 · update #1
It sounds like subconsciously, he's not ready to give up bachelorhood and grow up. He probably doesn't even realize what he's doing either. Try explaining to him (gently) how you feel and remind him that getting married doesn't mean that he has to give up his friends and/or video games and, most important of all, remind him how much you love him. Also, go with him when he goes to visit his friend since his wife is your friend as well. It's one way to turn it into a couples thing. Try a little challenge . . . girls against guys! There are quite a few multi-player games out there and it might just be fun for you girls to kick some male butt!
Good luck!
2006-08-09 06:01:10 · answer #1 · answered by Angie P. 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am absolutely not saying his behavior is acceptable, but welcome to marriage. Seriously, once you are married, men know that they have you in their pocket. I think you should distance yourself a bit. Make yourself a little less available to him. Avoid some of his calls, and make sure you are not always waiting at home for him when he gets home at 4am. If it means spending the night with a friend or a family member and simply saying you were too tired to drive home when you speak to him the next day, so be it, but give him a touch of his own medicine.
I know this sounds an awful lot like childish game playing, but if you can determine early on how strong his commitment is to you, you can save yourself alot of agony down the road. Nagging, argueing and making threats to end your relationship are not going to bring him home any earlier or if it does, he will be filled with resentment and it will be short lived. I say if he isn't phased by not knowing where you are when you miss his calls, or when he comes home at 3am and you are not there, then he isn't as interested as he should be to be thinking about spending the rest of your life with him. Good Luck no matter what you choose!!
2006-08-09 05:19:55 · answer #2 · answered by friend4u726 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his best friend is married to your best friend, why don't you go over to their house together?
Me might be just rekindling a friendship. Or maybe his actions, and the doubts that you obviously have about whether the wedding is right, should make the two of you step back a bit. Sit down with him and discuss (not confront, not yell, but just talk) about what's bothering you.
If you have real doubts, and not just cold feet, cancel the wedding. It's a lot harder to get a divorce than it is to cancel a wedding.
2006-08-09 05:14:13 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't u accompany him to the friend's place, considering that th freind is married to ur bf. also talk to ur friend and discuss the matter frankly with her. just ask her what is going on. confess ur anxiety to her and to her husband if possible. it does seem to be a bit wierd. has he always displayed this kind of behaviour ? or is this the first time. is he trying to delve into ur past thro' ur friend ? but lets not get too suspicious. if things continue, just tell him that u r not very comfortable about committing to marriage. just see his reaction. i think u just need to take things one at a time. there is more here than meets the eye. u never know. u may be even in for some pleasant surprise.
2006-08-09 05:16:24 · answer #4 · answered by ash 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've talked to him, but obviously it's not getting rhough.
Make the "talk" less agressive. He's getting angry because he knows what he's doing is wrong and annoys you.
Be honest with him. Be mature with him. Don't take the role of the poor fiancee who is being treated unfairly! Use "I" messages. Keep the tone low. Tell him exactly how you feel, and your fears for the future.
Explain to him that he's not going to marry his best friend. YOU are who he's marrying. You don't want to replace his best friend. Make that very clear that you aren't trying to take his friend away. Also explain to him that you are having second thoughts about marriage with him--if this is how he acts now, how is he going to act in 2 months? 2 years?
Getting married isn't going to make these bad habits just leave. Getting married isn't going to solve all of these problems.
Right now I'm sure you love him, but you may need to really make sure he listens to your needs. Don't let this just go on. It's unfair to you and him.
2006-08-09 06:44:06 · answer #5 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be VERY concerned about his behavior, and most concerned about him not going to work for three days. Don;t confront him, talk to him calmly. If you have to go to your friend's house to do it, then do it. Tell him that his behavior is not what you'd expect of someone who is ready to settle down and get married, and that you want to know why he's acting this way. If he says he just wanted to spend time with his friend, point out that he's jeopardizing his job, and potentially his marriage to you by the way he's acting. And don't bluff--if he won't level with you about what is REALLY going on, cancel or postpone the wedding until you understand him. This is not good, it's not just cold feet either. I think he's not ready for a permanent relationship, and he doesn't know how to tell you.
2006-08-09 05:30:26 · answer #6 · answered by homebuyer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's been less than a month, so don't worry just yet. When the (re)new wears off of him rekindling his friendship, things may well be fine. Let him know you don't resent that he's got a good friend, but you also want you two to be a couple and still have time for yourselves.
2006-08-09 05:10:16 · answer #7 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-29 02:13:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to his friend or the wife and convince them to talk to him? If this doesn't get resolved, postpone the wedding or else you'll be filing for divorce within a year. Don't start your marriage off on this wrong foot. Seriously!
2006-08-09 05:11:32 · answer #9 · answered by eehco 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a sign. Would you like to be married to someone who is not taking your feelings into consideration? If he is not willing to compromise with you, marriage is out! Don't settle!
2006-08-09 05:10:08 · answer #10 · answered by sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋