Should I have an abortion/adoption?

Question

I am 19, going to my second year of college and I jus found out I am pregnant.I am like 5 weeks,and I told my mom. She suggested I have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption. But I do not want to do that. She says that is selfish when another family could provide a more financially stable life for my child. I do work two jobs,have my own apartment and drive the car my mom bought me. I want to go to school, work and have the baby but if its to much i will finish school later.I think we will be okay as far as money.The only issue i havent figured out is living arrangements for nex year. What should I do? If I give my child up for adoption (to me abortion is not even a choice because that is technically murder)I will regret it and will only do it for my mother.But if I keep it,she will look at me differently,take the car,and might not want anything to do with me or the child. Eventually she might come around but I do not want to be a dissappointment to her by not go to school

Answer 1

You have to do what's best for you. You are 19 years old. That's a legal adult so its time you started acting like one. And making your own decisions. You are a mother now to a degree.

Don't do something to make your mother happy. Do it for your own personal benefit.

Analyze all possible solutions and be ready for the consequences.

I'm curious that you haven't mentioned the baby's father? If he is still apart of your life...what is his desire? What happens to the baby is up to you and the father of your child.

It would be different if you were under the legal age.

Answer 2

If you want to keep the baby, keep the baby. If you give the child up for adoption when you have regrets already, will only make it more difficult for you. You will only end up resenting your mother down the road. There are colleges that have family dorms and child care available. Take a look online.. I'm sure you can find one. As for your mom taking the car.. if it's in her name she probably can. But don't you think that she will come around even before the child is born? And once you have a child, financial aid goes on your income not the income of your parents. So you would be eligable for more aid and grants then. And you would probably be able to cut yourself back on at least one job. You can also apply for child day care assistance for while you work and go to school. Don't do something now that you will only regret later. If you know in your heart that you want this child, don't give it up.
Good luck to you.. and remember there is always help out there. Where there's a will there's a way.

Answer 3

Abortion is out of the question for you, as you said. If the only reason you'd consider adoption is because someone else, namely your mum, thinks it's the best decision, then that's not a good enough reason. If you feel already adoption is something you'd regret, then don't do it. You can explore the option, but be careful as there's a lot of money involved and you may get pressured into giving your baby away, especially when the overwhelming feelings of childless couples are involved. I feel for them, but a woman has to do what's right for her; what's right for her child.

In a perfect world, we'd all win the lottery, have the ideal husband, the nice house, and free nanny service. Doesn't seem to work that way for many. In reality, there is rarely the perfect time to become a mother. Usually means putting life, college or career on hold, at least for a while.

Will the baby's father be involved? Is he responsible enough to help finance, pay child support for, this baby? I'm sure your mum loves you and her heart will be overjoyed when the little one is placed in her arms the first time. Never underestimate the power of grandparenthood. Keep your chin up. Dig down deep enough and you'll find strength you never imagined.

Answer 4

I was 19 when I got pregnant with my first child. I was working at Wal-Mart, I had about 2 years of college, but had taken a break. I had no car, no savings, lost my job cause I got so sick, I had only known the guy a few months. It was so hard. But I kept him. He's now 4 years old and I don't regret it. It was the right decision. I also considered adoption, but felt that with my moms help, I could do it. You want to keep this child, you have it all figured out. So keep your child. Your mother will understand, she only wants the very best for you and this is hard for her too, but once she meets this child, she will only want the very best for your child as well. Just ask her for help and support and trust that you are this childs mother and you will make it. It won't be easy but the good things never really are. Oh, and congratulations on being a new mom!!!

Answer 5

you can do what others want, or do what your heart says.

There are people out there who have a baby and continue their studies. If you must, quit A job. If your mom takes the car away, she's hindering you, and should be reminded of that and how much you need her support. You could tell her that if this same situation happened to her and you were the baby, how grateful you are that she was YOUR mother, and you hope to be as good as her when your baby grows. Tell her how her presence in this child's life is important to YOU and ask her for only a moment, to consider how she would feel to give up a child after growing it for nine months. I know I couldn't do it at this moment in life due to being ABLE to raise it.

these things are delicate. I think you should really figure out why you would like to have this baby and raise it. I had my child at 23, and it's been a difficult ride, but I am very very happy I have done it. I have been at home with her up til now, and now am ready to start schooling at 28. I feel bad I didnt have the career before having her,.. but considering she came through "the pill" and a condom, I think she's meant to be here and with me.

Is there a financial support system in the states? (im guessing that is where you are from) You could take a year off of school until the child is ready for daycare, then resume.. as long as you keep your priorities on CAREER as well as mothering, you should be fine. I only WISH i had the career either done or going when I had my little angel.. then i could have given her a better area to grow up in. Although I am proud, she's had the most loving I could have given and the time to get to know me, which no income amount could have given..

Answer 6

Don't worry about your mother. YOU are this baby's mother...your mom is NOT. If she takes your car away, well then she's not a very big person now, is she? People can survive... If you have to, go out and buy a $500 junker to get you from point A to point B. That's all a car is, anyway.

You won't have to work two jobs or be in college forever. THere are plenty of programs to help single mothers out until they get on their feet. If you are truly desperate, they're great. It's the women who have one baby after another after another so they can get more WIC vouchers and more foodstamps who are shameful.

It sounds like you really want this baby, and aren't really considering abortion. I commend you for this, and have a feeling that if you DO decide to keep your baby and raise her, things will work out in the long run. If you really get stuck and in a pinch and find that you absolutely can't raise a baby and support her the way she deserves, you can put her up for adoption at a later date.

Think about it this way...this might be the only child you're able to have...

Answer 7

Your baby's life is more important than either your schooling or what your mother thinks of you, so first of all, please resolve that you're not going to let anyone hurt your baby, no matter what. You are a mother now, too, and your first responsibility is to your child, not to your mother. Your baby's heart has been beating since just three weeks, and she needs your protection. I'm glad to hear that you recognize that abortion is murder. Should you have any doubts about this, just take a look at:

Photos of Abortions, Including 1st Trimester Abortions:
http://www.cbrinfo.org/Resources/pictures.html

A Four-Minute, Must-See Video on Abortion:
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-4-video.html

You can learn more about your baby's development here:

http://www.justthefacts.org/clar.asp
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-2-prenatal.html
http://www.studentsforlife.uct.ac.za/foetal%20dev%20photos.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/3847319.stm
http://www.lifeissues.org/ultrasound/11weeks.htm
http://www.advocatesfortheinnocent.com/fetalpain.html

Abortion is also very dangerous to your life and health:

http://afterabortion.info/complic.html
http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/effect_of_abortion.asp
http://www.lifedynamics.com/Pro-life_Group/Pro-choice_Women
http://www.afterabortion.info/news/abortiondeaths.html
http://www.lifeissues.org/ru486/deaths.htm

There is lots of free help available for you. If you visit a pregnancy care near you, they can give you referrals for financial, medical, legal, and housing assistance; free ultrasounds (at some centers); free maternity and baby supplies; pregnancy, parenting, and adoption information; and counseling and emotional support. You can find one near you here:

http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp

or by calling 1-800-395-HELP. You can find more support here:

Support for Pregnant Teens:
http://standupgirl.com/site/index.php

Support for Pregnant College and Career Women:
http://www.nurturingnetwork.org

Remember, once you resolve to protect your baby, you will have plenty of time to decide about adoption. You do not even need to be thinking of that right now. You need to concentrate on getting plenty of rest and staying healthy. However, if you want, the counselors at the pregnancy care center can sit down and talk through both options (parenting and adoption) with just you or with you and your mom.

Just so you know, your mom will probably melt when she sees her grandbaby. Everything will work out okay in the end, and you will never, ever regret letting your baby live!

Answer 8

Wow you do have a tough decision to make I guess, although it would not take alot of thinking for me. You see I have 6 kids, the first I had at 18. Now I won't lie and tell you I have never had a tough spot butI would be lieing if I said I EVER regretted my decision to have any one of my children. My oldest son who is 18 just made me a Nana, and I tear up every time I watch him with his son (the time I had with him just seemed to short honestly). Now as for your Mom, we love our children unconditionally (usually) and although she may say she is going to take the car, or look at you differently and yeah she may, she will no longer be looking at her Little girl, she will be looking at a young, nurturing, loving young woman that SHE raised. She wil still love you and will no doubt love her grandchild also. Maybe you should ask did her Mother treat her that way when she had you (but only if she gets carried away ) As for school, it will definitely be a little hard at first but there are so many women who work, attend school, and raise a family today, and although juggeling all three may seem hectic for a couple years the rewards you will get will be so worth it in the end. Please choose to keep your child, I know in some case people just cannot but that baby did not ask to be conceived, and if later in life that baby finds out he was given up I can only imagine the rejection he/she would feel. All the best in what ever choice you decide. You also may want to think about how you wil react after giving up your child, Will you be able to go on without guilt?

Answer 9

I have dissappointed my mother by not completing college and having 3 kids. My mother was not happy and wasn't sure what she was going to do with the situation until the night my first daughter was born. She was more help than what I needed. I would not trade my kids in for anything in this world! I regret waiting so long to get my college education, but if I had to do it again I wouldn't change a thing, because my kids are my life. You also have to realize there are colleges out there that will let you take your classes online, which would let you stay at home with the baby. There are some colleges out there that pay single mothers to go to college. There are ways to keep your baby and still succeed in life. Your mother might come around and change her mind after she sees the baby and realizes that is her grandchild. You are not being selfish wanting to raise your own child. There are goverment programs out there that will help you out with your baby. You can get foodstamps, WIC, and possibly day care vouchers. You may have to fight and struggle a little to be able to make it with a baby and being on your own, but at least that child will know who their real mother is.

Answer 10

How would you feel about an open adoption? That way you could still your child grow and be a part of her/his life that way. Your mom shouldn't be a factor in this, its your body and emotions involved. And yes, she may be trying to look at it with your best interest at heart, but it really comes down to what you want.

You are only 19 and you have plenty of time for kids and babies. I'm 35 and have been with my husband for 10 years. We have 3 kids and its still not easy for us financially. He works hard to support us, and I work just as hard at home to take care of the kids and house.

You could keep the baby, Ive known girls that did, and finished school. Just know that its not easy no matter how old you are or what your circumstances are.

Let me add that my first child was adopted by very loving parents when I was 20. I still get letters from them every few months and they send pics once or twice a year. Yes, I would have loved to have kept her, but I know I loved her with all my heart by letting this couple raise her. Goodluck in your decision. Im here if you want to talk!