Does anyone know some really funny jokes?

Answer 1

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Good girls say, "Don't ... Stop..."
Bad girls say, "Don't Stop

Answer 2

President Bush was out jogging one morning along the
parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and
landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him,
three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water.
He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George
said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of
Nike Air Jordan's."
Bush said, "I'll get them for you and even have
Michael sign them!"
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair
with a built-inTV and stereo headset!!" Bush is a little perplexed by this and said, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."
The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I
saved your *** from drowning!"

__________________________________________________

Answer 3

Redneck Logic



Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin' ?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

Answer 4

A man called his wife from work and said
"Honey will you please pack my suitcase and tacklebox, the guys and I are going fishing after work for the weekend. Also please pack my blue Pajamas."
So the wife did as she was told. Sunday night when he came home his wife asked him, "So how was the fishing trip? Sis you catch a lot of fish?"
He replied, "Yes I did, bu why didn't you pack my blue Pajamas like I asked you to?"
She replied, "I did, I put them in your tackle box."

Answer 5

There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.

Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that.

Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.

The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said.

She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

Answer 6

Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China. They decided to become
American citizens, and "Americanize" their names.
Bu, called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
Fu decided to return to China.........how was that??

Answer 7

**THIS IS MEAN MEAN MEAN**
what do you do when you washing machine isnt working?...you slap the ***** and tell her to get back to work