ungrateful grandchildren!!!!?

Question

I'M A GRANDMOTHER OF ELEVEN
I SEND B.D AND CHRISTMAS CARDS WITH MONEY ; MY GRANDCHILDEN NEVER THANK ME OR SEND A THANK YOU CARD;
ONE OF MY GRANDDAUTHER JUST GRADUATED FROM HIGH-SCHOOL , GAVE HER $50.00
NEVER HEARD FROM HER AGAIN. ANOTHER CAME TO VISIT ME; I ENDED UP SPENDING $300.00
I NEVER HEARD FROM HER EITHER . I HAVE THOUGHT OF DROPPING THEM ALL.WHAT DO YOU THINK. TIRED OF BEING USED.

Answer 1

Its a generational thing. People no longer send cards to thank. They may send email, but only if they were emailing anyway. They will thank you if/when they see you. No kid in my family has ever acknowledged a gift I sent. Nor friend, nor anyone for that matter. I don't know anybody that does that anymore. I don't do it either and I'm glad its no longer expected because frankly I have better things to do.

If it means that much to you just tell them or their parents you expect it or you won't send them a gift. At least this way you have given them a reason. They may think its a silly reason but at least it isn't grandma doesn't give a hoot about you anymore.

Are you sure you aren't just looking for an excuse to stop giving gifts to all those grandkids? Its a lot of kids, would save some money. If you don't have any kind of relationship with them, then yeah, why bother?

Don't get me wrong, your feelings are justified. Most kids today are so spoiled they don't even realize its a lot of money. Maybe their parents are spoiling them. When one of my nieces came to visit me I spent about $300 also. I never heard from her again. The last thing she said to me was don't forget my birthday. Do you think that kid got a birthday present? Hell no. She never got anything from me again. I told her mother why too and all she said was that she understood. She is spoiled, obnoxious, absolutely no fun to be with. So I say its OK to have favorites if you have good reason. These days I only have a few kids in the family that I really do anything for. They don't ever send thankyou cards either. I just feel like we have a relationship based on soemthing other than how much can they squeeze out of me. So my advice is take a step back and try to see it from their perspective. If you really believe they are just selfish kids that use people then sure cut them off, but don't cut them all off for the actions of one or two. You have 11, they can't all be bad. If you really think they're all bad, it may be you.

Talk to their parents. You are an elder in this family and you should have the authority to determine what is acceptable behavior towards you. The kids that don't abide by it won't get the bennefit of your grandparenting. Its as simple as that.

Answer 2

Write a letter to their parents and tell them the truth. You love their children and wish to help out in their lives, but want to be respectfully recognized for your monetary help with a simple thank you. Tell them that if their children cannot do that simple task, you will no longer give anything other than a card, or perhaps nothing at all.
The parents should be the ones who instill this gratefulness so put the ball in their court first. The kids do not know proper etiquette as it was never taught to them. So dropping them without any communication as to why you are doing so, is not proper either.

You will be helping them far greater than you know by getting them to start writing thakyous and becoming more grateful for the blessings they receive.

Answer 3

I babysit these kids who are rotten. Their grandparents are doctors, the parents are doctors...the whole family is pretty much doctorful. Well, the kids have all the toys they want in the world and I try to pull them away from these sorts of things by having them do creative activities and things like that. Of course, you can't really do that, it sounds like. Try spending more time with the younger ones. There may still be time to reverse. The older kids may get jealous, but they can't say anything about you not being around like that for them because they were really ungrateful. But make sure they know and don't just assume they would think that.

Answer 4

They likely see you as an extention of their parents, whom they also take for granted. They assume that you love them and want to do these things for them.

Call their mothers and ask them if they recieved their cards. Tell them that you didn't hear anything and you were worried that they didn't recieve them. If absolutely none of them write after that, it's got to have something to do with how their parents taught them.

If talking to the parents doesn't work, go directly to the grandkid with the same question. If this doesn't work, be more direct & tell them how you feel. They probably have no idea how important it is to you.

Dropping your grandchildren over thank-you cards sounds a bit drastic. Are you feeling OK? Maybe there is something else bothering you. Try to get to the root of the problem before you think of cutting people out of your life.

Answer 5

I think that you should talk to your children about how their children are treating you and that you are going out of your way to be there for them and all you are asking for is a little gratitude. Let them know you like doing things for their children but if they cannot learn how to say a simple "thank you" then you will stop being so generous. Shame on those grand kids of yours but even a bigger shame on their parents who haven't taught them how to be appreciative of others. I wouldn't keep sending these "gifts" to them if they aren't going to at least acknowledge the fact that you did. I don't blame you for feeling used, it is very normal to feel that way. I imagine if the cards with money quit coming, you would be hearing from your grand kids quick.....I hope that things work out for you. There isn't a whole lot in this world that you can totally depend on and family should always stick together. Good luck to ya!

Answer 6

Instead of sending money and/or cards, next occasion, (or from now on) phone them!Then eventually only call them when you want to see how their doing. (Then they'll remember grandma when she wants to see how they are, not to see how much money you sent). This will get a wake up call from them that they didn't get any cash as, expected from granny, (because it is out of the ordinary for them). When they mention it to their parents, I'm sure you will hear about it, then you can say: You didnt know they were receiving all the money you were sending out, because you hadn't heard back from anyone! And when they come to visit make them earn it first, by doing chores. Go to the library, or the park, not everything has to break the bank.

Answer 7

As Grandma, you can teach them manners. All gifts should be acknowledged.

Enclose money in the card you feel comfortable giving, as before. Wait a reasonable time (depends how many days it takes for the card to arrive); now action starts. Follow up by calling, sending follow up notes, calling their parents, asking if they ever got it because "I didn't hear from you, I wasn't sure if it just got lost in the mail and I haven't heard from _______ yet."

It works, I've done it. For some, it might take longer. If you lose patience, just send card (no money) a lack of response should indicate that person doesn't appreciate your money.

Answer 8

Most ungrateful! I never would have treated my grandmother in such a fashion. If I did, I recommend you do what she would have done. Send a B.D. card and Christmas card without the money until they learn the proper manners. Then she'd have a serious talk with my mother about the crappy way she raised me. I can hear her now, "Don't you teach your kid to say please and thank you? What the he** is your problem?!?!?!"
I never gave my grandmother the chance to say such a thing-- but I know that's how she would have handled it.
Hope this helps and have a great day. AND--- THANK YOU for allowing me to post an answer to your question! It is greatly appreciated.

Answer 9

Instead of saying anything to them....tell the parents how you fell.....they should have already made it a rule that a thank you is in order no matter what the card or gift is for. That is called respect.......I wouldn't put all the blame on the kids, as they react to what they have been taught.
I also am a grandmother, but only to one little 4 year old boy.
Good luck

Answer 10

Instead of giving them money and birthday cards, start giving them things like old candy or gum from the bottom of your purse. When they ask ,"why?' or look at you funny just say, "Well sweetheart, I used to put thought and effort into giving you gifts but you never seemed to appreciate it so why should I continue to go out of my way to continue to do these things?"

Your grandkids probably think that as their grandmother, it's your responsibility to do these things. I'll admit that when I was younger my grandmother used to give me money all the time and I didn't appreciate it either. One Christmas, I looked under the tree and there was a brown paper bag with a shoestring tied around the top (as the bow) that had my name written on it in ink. I opened it up and there was an apple, an orange, and some peanuts inside. I started to cry as everyone looked on trying not to laugh. Finally, my grandma came out of her bedroom with a shiny new bicycle with a big red bow on it. When I asked her why she played this trick on me she explained that whenever she gave me gifts in the past, I never seemed to appreciated it so she wanted me to understand what disappointment was so that I learned a lesson for the future.